Never say that horror cinema is not a tool of education. As loyal readers know, all reviews published here at the Doll's House include a batch of "lessons learned," new knowledge that I may never have gained had I not popped in that scratched DVD of Feeders or The Deadly Bees. Would I even be alive today had I not learned how to properly confound a killer mermaid with a net? (Thanks, Killer Mermaid.)
While I don't have a complete list of every SINGLE lesson listed out anywhere, I do make a tradition of selecting one kernel of each film I've seen at the end of each year. Below are links to the complete lists:
Year 1
Featuring dead cheerleaders, homicidal beds, roller skating cannibals, and so much more
Year 2
Knowledge accrued via street fighters, triangles, spirals, and topless Leslie Nielsens
Year 3
Nutcrackers, black devil dolls form hell, winged serpents, Tara Reid in glasses, and among others, haunted chairs
Year 4
Cop dogs, Clancy Browns, athletic golden retrievers, whatever the hell a Delgo is, and rapping genies
Year 5
Stranger danger, William Shatner danger, pop tart danger, fantasy teddy bears who chase kidney stones, and more totally normal stuff
Year 6
Learn all about the world while visiting mummy theme parks, lonely places to die, Cooperstown, and Jonestown-esque facilities that are totally not Jonestown but totally are Jonestown
Year 7
If there's a better way to learn anything than with a poodle parade led by Joan Crawford, I don't want to know
Year 8
Edward Furlong is really good at naked cuddling. What more do you need to know?
Just how DO you keep pepperoni warm in a rear body part? Curtains can help!
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