Actually, It's an UNdead Pit

Earlier this year, Long Island said goodbye to 112 Video World, the magical realm of VHS tapes that once filled my childhood weekends with everything from hot new releases to Gourmet Zombie Chef From Hell. As we film fans of the '80s mourn the loss of those strip mall palaces, we must accept that the world has changed and while there are no more physical doors to open to find our long-lost movie treasures on shelves, Amazon Prime continues to answer the call, no matter how shoddy the video quality might be.

Quick Plot: We open on a montage of mental patients doing all the typical things mental patients of movies made in the 1980s do. Somewhere between the drooling and head banging, the institution's senior psychiatrist Dr. Swan discovers one of his doctors, Dr. Ramzi, is conducting dangerous experiments on his patients. Luxuriously slow motion violence ensues. 

Twenty years later, a pretty young woman dubbed Jane Doe (stuntwoman Cheryl Lawson) is admitted to the same facility due to her amnesia and possibly, ability to cause earthquakes with her temper. Before long, Jane begins to see visions of the long-dead mad scientist. Not so coincidentally, a wave of violence spreads throughout the hospital. 

Well, WE know there's violence as patients and nurses are brutally torn apart by Dr. Ramzi. Only Jane seems to witness said murders, while the rest of the staff thinks little of its population dwindling. 

Eventually, Dr. Ramzi (or his ghost or whatever) uses Jane to awaken an army of zombies, who promptly chomp their way through everyone but Jane, Dr. Swan, a mad nun with a talent for making holy water, and Chris, Jane's inmate pal who happens to have a talent for bomb-making. Who says you can't make quality friends in '80s mental institutions?

The Dead Pit is the directorial debut of Brett Leonard, who went on in the '90s to specialize in the ubiquitous subgenre of technology amok movies (The Lawnmower Man, Virtuosity) and later, the very small niche of obesity-based horror (Feed). The Dead Pit is unmistakably '80s in its parts. Just try to add up the high-waisted panties, Fulci-esque undead, cranky mental asylum nurses, and obvious-but-surprise parent reveals and not calculate 1989.

That's the strength of The Dead Pit, which ultimately isn't a very good movie. It's made on the cheap and shows it, but seems to understand that its audience is there to see messy-faced ghouls hold slippery butcher shop animal parts up to the camera for their closeups. 

What a golden age of cinema. 

High Points

There's certainly some smiles to be had when watching the gooiest of '80s practical zombie effects

Low Points

You know, if you're picky, the script and acting and blah blah blah

Lessons Learned

Not remembering your past doesn't make you crazy (though constantly shouting that at people evaluating your sanity just might)

Double the time, double the money

Junk drawers of '80s era psychiatrists were typically stocked with scotch and loaded revolvers

Rent/Bury/Buy

Eh, The Dead Pit will certainly scratch your itch for 1980s horror, but it doesn't really crush it in the zombie department. It's a decent way to pass 90 minutes on Amazon Prime, but it won't necessarily leave you with anything special after. 

More To Love

A few weeks back, I devoted some Pop Syndicate time to lamenting the lack of obesity themed horror films floating out there in the slim, space conscious world of DVDs. Thankfully, I received the perfect recommendation and promptly added Brett Leonard's 2005 Feed to my queue.


Feed is a frustating and daring film that raises far more questions than it has the patience or attention span to answer. That being said, it's ambitious, original, and as rich in black humor as it is in plot messiness and Red Bull spiked with Pixie Stix-fueled editing choices.


Quick Plot: Aussie detective Philip Jackson (Patrick Thompson) specializes in catching sexual predators lurking about that back alley otherwise known as the Internet. Coming off a successful ripped-from-the-headlines self-cannibalism case in Germany, his next endeavor is to delve into the sugar-coated, high carb world of feeders and gainers. A few Google searches and heavily edited closeups of alternative porn and keyboard dancing later, Philip is narrowing his eyes at a tattooed and trim American fattening up a 600+ pound woman who gleefully smiles for the camera with crumbs on her third chin.

International police tactics are abused as Philip battles jet lag, fast cuts, and an obnoxiously horny girlfriend to hunt down renown feeder Michael Carter (Alex O'Loughlin, also the man behind the original story idea) in the heftily populated (not really; that should be 'populated by hefty people' but that doesn't roll off the fingers quite as well) Ohio. What, exactly, Philip is planning on doing to or with Michael is unclear. Sure, continuously feeding obese women donuts and um, protein shakes is rather unhealthy, but there are much more odious and evil crimes being committed in the world we live in.


Feed's biggest problem--and it has many--is the confusing construction of its "hero." Philip's motives seem pure enough, but what kind of qualified police officer expects to carry out any form of justice when he’s breaking every single elementary regulation in an investigation he has no actual power to pursue? A few deleted scenes reveal a little more exposition regarding Philip's big cannibalism case, but we still don't understand his weirdly violent and/or kinky relationship with his girlfriend. Perhaps I blinked during the first sex montage and missed exactly what it was that broke them up.


On the other hand, Michael's role is fascinating...and incomplete. Just when we think we've figured out what he gets from dancing to the oldies on 200 pound thighs, a new character arrives to point him in a different direction. And like many plot points in Feed, said surprise character has no real grounding and ends up ill-defined and self-contradictory.

And yet despite these complaints, Feed held my absolute attention. I wanted it to be better, but I can't say it's not interesting.


High Points
I’m amazed at how quickly movies that heavily rely on Internet technology age and date themselves, but Feed feels appropriate to the current time and particularly relevant in the age of Craig's List Lechery


O'Loughlin gives an effectively creepy and surprisingly understated performance as Michael; we expect a Norman Bates-esque loner but end up with something much smoother and almost more disturbing


While I couldn't really find myself liking the character, I like the fact that the main 'gainer' isn't portrayed as a sweet (and sweet-loving) victim; she's whiny and unpleasant, yet you really do believe her joy at having this Ken dollish specimen at her service and how hard she tries in her own way to please him


Low Points
No film should include three fast-paced montages in its first 30 minutes. While the stylized music covers are sometimes clever, the mix of aggressive pop, sliding reels, and orangey coloring is enough to give you a headache well before the gluttonous gore tries to turn your stomach


An example of how hard the editing tries to impress: when Philip lands in the U.S., an overlay of the American flag is cut into the shot as Hendrix version of the Star Spangled Banner plays for a verse. We get it. It's not Australia.

The gimmicky ending makes me think that the filmmakers got to a certain point and decided to see just how bizarre and inane the final shots could be; an alternate ending on the extras shows that amazingly enough, they could have gone one step further (and dumber)


Lessons Learned
Sydney is kind of near Japan


Do I need to say it? Never, under any circumstances, eat or drink something from the hands of a sociopathic stranger


In Ohio, an Australian accent and hoodie are the next best thing to having a police badge


The only way to pull off sexiness when covered in baked beans is to be Ann Margaret

Rent/Bury/Buy
If the concept interests you, then I can’t recommend Feed highly enough. Despite widespread obesity rates, there really aren’t many films that even try to explore the subject, much less its sexual association. You have to get past obnoxious film tricks, some extremely uncomfortable visuals, and the lack of a truly likable character, but Feed is ultimately one of those films to watch and think about, rather than enjoy. The DVD is nicely packed with a few interviews and deleted scenes but I'd recommend a rent before putting down full price. This is not a film I expect to turn on for a good time or as background filler. I would rewatch it, however, to spend a little more time considering its themes on sexuality and more importantly, because it just may be the best appetizer suppressant I've seen since watching David Hasselhoff dangle a cheeseburger over his bare chest.