There's a Snake In My Runtime

 

Sometimes, you see a search bundle for "under 90-minute films" and thank the gods of Netflix for taking most of the thinking out of your brain. 

Quick Plot: Katrina is on a long road trip with 5-year-old daughter Clara. Just as her phone loses service, her car gets a flat. If only that was the worst thing that happened to her in a day.

Clara is exploring the grass when a rattlesnake lunges and chomps on her leg. Katrina finds a nearby trailer occupied by an elusive woman who assures her she's treated these bites before. Katrina quickly replaces her tire and returns to discover the woman gone...along with Clara's bite. It's a good, albeit weird problem to have. 

At the nearest hospital, Katrina is relieved to see no evidence of Clara's bite. That is, of course, until a well-dressed man appears to collect her payment. What's worse than the American healthcare system? That of the Texas wilderness. 

The terms are clear: Katrina must take a human soul before sunset or watch Clara die a horrific death. Some quick googling (in the now 5-bar desert) confirms this town of Trulia has a long history of random murders from passerbys just before 6PM. 

Katrina is not a killer. She doesn't even eat meat! But with her daughter's life on the line, she quickly springs into action, trying to find someone close to or deserving of death. It's a lot harder than it looks. 

Written and directed by Zak Hilditch, Rattlesnake has a wonderfully concise premise. Unfortunately, it still struggles to package that effectively in its runtime. The opening act moves quickly and establishes everything we need to know for Katrina to get through the day. Then, we have the day.

We know that things have to culminate at the last minute. We've seen movies before, and anything with a ticking clock simply has to end when that last second strikes 12. That in itself reduces quite a bit of Rattlesnake's tension. An early afternoon diversion to a comatose patient's room is obviously NOT going to solve Katrina's dilemma. The audience knows this. There's is no reason for Hilditch's camera to have to spend 10 minutes going through the motions. 

It's not that Rattlesnake is completely devoid of tension. The early appearances of this curse's messengers are genuinely creepy, and the fundamental stakes are effectively high. How does a normal, pleasant woman go from changing a flat tire to executing murder over the course of 8 hours? According to Rattlesnake, the key is to throw on a baseball hat and hit a dive bar.

It's there that Katrina conveniently lands on the perfect victim: a sadistic wife beater who clearly would do the world good by not being in it. And yet...AND YET. 

There's nothing wrong with a character being indecisive. Heck, there's nothing wrong with a character not wanting to shoot someone. But if your entire movie is about how this person HAS TO SHOOT SOMEONE, then why do you keep dragging your feet, other than to make your audience scream in annoyance. 

I was deeply moved by writer/director Zak Hilditch's These Final Hours, an end of the world road trip that showed tons of promise. It's a shame that Rattlesnake feels like such a step back. Lead actress Carmen Ejogo is given virtually nothing to work with other than indecision. This probably would have been an excellent segment of an anthology, but even with its (Netflix promised) short length, it still just doesn't work. 

Hight Points

It's a good idea for a movie

Low Points

I'm a David Lynch fan who sees no flaws in Dougie Jones' slow crawl through season 3, and yet you can bet your Texas spurs that I was screaming for Katrina to GET A F*CKING MOVE ON as the sun set over her last chance. Remember how in The Mummy 2, Brendan Fraser outruns the sun, and it's the dumbest thing that can possibly happen? This comes a bit close

Lessons Learned

Believe it or not, even Texas has gun laws

A comatose grandpa isn't going to live forever

Always be aware of the local fauna on your road trip

Rent/Bury/Buy

I was enthused by the first twenty minutes of Rattlesnake, then realized quickly that this move had virtually nowhere to go. For me, this was a bland disappointment, but it's, you know, a professional looking little thriller (how can I not say that when this is the same destination that got excited by Things?). So...it's better than Things. But more entertaining? In no world. 

Groundhog Morning

 

Is there anything better than randomly flicking on an under the radar horror film only to discover that it features Peter Stomare? 

And spontaneous combustion?

And bear traps?!

Quick Plot: A young woman crawls out of a hole in triumph only to be murdered by a Leslie Vernon-esque reaper. 

Cut to a set of five attractive dark-haired college students on the road to find Melanie, the same girl we saw clawing her way out of the ground in the prologue. Little sister Clover hasn't been the same since she disappeared. Ex-boyfriend Max, pals Meghan and Nina, and Nina's new, likely short-term boyfriend Abe stop at a gas station where attendant Hill (Stormare!) points them towards an abandoned mining town. Great things always happen in abandoned mining towns!

The group locates an empty hotel and quickly realizes that something is wrong. Melanie's signature graces the guestbook...multiple times, growing more erratic on each line. 

Things get more troubling when the same masked madman shows up to slaughter them all. 

Fear not! The kids wake up to find themselves alive!

Later that night, they die again.

If you're picking up on some Happy Death Day vibes, your senses are working. Based on a video game (I know nothing of such things), Until Dawn is a sort of slasher mashup fueled by some semblance of everybody's favorite thematic word of the moment, trauma. 

The description above might sound fairly terrible, but l found myself pleasantly surprised by Until Dawn. Director David F. Sandberg is no stranger to horror, having made the decent Annabelle: Creation and the (in my opinion) unsatisfying Lights Out. He goes for a much lighter, even bouncy tone here, with a snappy cast of young actors who manage to create real characters amid the chaos. 

Still, there's something that keeps Until Dawn from fully coming together. It's fun. It moves well. I was invested enough in the young cast's fate to root for their survival. But even with the added bonus of last act Peter Stormare, I just never felt like I had my thumb on exactly what Sandberg was going for. The psychological angle of Clover's grief is never taken with enough weight for an emotional catharsis, but the film doesn't fully embrace its zaniness to make it overly memorable. 

Still, I had a good time here, a better one than I expected based on the premise and poster. It's fun!  

 

High Points

There's great joy in watching a familiar setup and realizing you're in for a dozen surprises. The aforementioned spontaneous combustion gave me a full guffaw, but even that didn't quite prepare me for a sudden turn into...wendigos?

Low Points

At a certain point, I realized you could throw all the wendigos in the world at me and I still wouldn't really have a deep emotional connection to Until Dawn

Lessons learned

There's much power to be found in VHS

Don't expect good plumbing from a hotel that hasn't been opened since 1998

The more you look like your partner, the better your odds of survival might be

Rent/Bury/Buy

Until Dawn isn't a movie I'll remember much in a few months, but for its 100 minutes, it gave me a few surprises and even more full body bursts. It's a good time for a lazy afternoon. Find it on Netflix.

Time Flies

 

It's sometimes hard to believe that for a good dozen years, zombies were not cool. Just try to bring your VHS copy of Dawn of the Dead to a '90s middle school slumber party. I certainly did. A LOT. 

No wonder I wasn't usually invited back. 

2002 was kind of a game changer. After a long draught, we suddenly got two fairly successful big screen releases that seemed to give us the classic Romero-esque feeling with fresh new rules (and yes, the irony of saying 'Romero-esque' when the king himself was fired from Resident Evil is not lost on me). 

28 Days Later rewrote what the genre could do, and its followup gave us a promising continuation that sadly stopped in its tracks. Skipping 28 Months, we somehow ended up, two dozen years later, with a back-to-back release of the long-awaited third and fourth chapters. 

Here we go. 

Quick Plot: In the early days of the rage virus, a small town in the Scottish Highlands does its best to protect the children. Only young Jimmy survives. His minister father heartily embraces the end of the world, as Jimmy watches the infected tear the man apart. 

Some 28 years later (TITLE!), we learn that the outbreak of 28 Weeks Later was contained to Great Britain. Any non-infected there have been left to survive on their own, creating their own societies or being absorbed by the far angrier ones. 

One Scottish community has built a fairly well-run system of isolation. Citizens are welcome to leave and return via the ominous causeway, but there's a signature 10 second delay before you're let back in with a bloody eye check. 

The most common trip is a coming of age ceremony reserved for teen boys. Spike (the wonderful Alfie Williams), a sensitive and capable 12-year-old, embarks on the journey with his father Jamie, much to the protests of his ailing mother Isla (equally pristine Jodie Comer). Their trip is a bit more eventful than either was hoping, but they make it back safely. 

Having now killed a few infected and seen a different part of the world, Spike is not okay. His celebratory party turns sour when he witnesses his father's affair and discovers that there's a doctor living in fairly close, albeit extremely dangerous proximity. Could he help cure Isla? There's only one way to find out. 

Spike and Isla embark on their own trip towards Dr. Kelson (a fascinating Ralph Fiennes). There are quite a few surprises along the way that I wouldn't dare spoil, but I suppose it's important to note that the zombie scares aren't really the priority. Boyle spares nothing in showing both their decay and growth (and penises; so many glorious infected penises). But much like the first film in this (now) series, this is a story more interested in what it means to stay human when the world has moved towards violence.

28 Days Later was a groundbreaking film for big screen horror. Coming out just a few months after Resident Evil, it seemed to remind the mainstream that zombies were not just viable monsters, but that they could be interpreted in different ways. Yes, this launched a rather insufferable online discourse that went on for several years about whether the undead can run (a debate rekindled two years later with the Dawn of the Dead remake) and whether Danny Boyle's infected even qualified as zombies. 

I can't overstate this: you could not MENTION this movie without having to give your opinion on this topic.

But guess what? Alex Garland's script for 28 Years Later ACTUALLY USES THE Z-WORD so we'll never have to argue about this again.

Back in 2002, 20-year-old me went to the theater THREE TIMES to see 28 Days Later. I can still remember the thrill of watching 28 Weeks Later's opening scene and thinking, "WE'VE GOT A FRANCHISE!" 

Well, part 2 took 5 years. Part 3, another 18. 

And that's just fine, because it feels like Garland and director Danny Boyle took that entire lifetime between and let their world evolve. There are certainly political elements to 28 Years Later that feel immediate, but there's also a deep meditation on life and death that feels timeless. 

Oh, and the zombies are pretty neat.

High Points

I say this a lot, but that's because it's always true: making your characters good people goes such a long way in making your movie good

Low Points

Knowing the sequel had already been filmed, I wasn't bothered by the film's wild last minute tonal switch that leaves you hanging, but I can fully understand why most viewers would reach that last reel and say, "what the fu-?"

Lessons Learned

Watching the Teletubbies in conjunction with the most violent moment of your life will have some pretty kooky effects

Berserk is a better term than alpha any day

Iodine is the body lotion you didn't know you needed

Rent/Bury/Buy

I had a grand time with 28 Years Later, but that definitely comes from having, well, 24 years of a deep relationship with this almost-series. I'm quite curious how it plays for more casual fans. See you all in the Bone Temple!

Screen Your Contestants

 

I'm notoriously not someone who savors a genre film ripped from the headlines. I like to revel in the horror of fictional creations, not watch a retelling of a real person's pain. 

That being said, Woman of the Hour held a certain appeal for two reasons: 1) as the directorial debut of Anna Kendrick, an actress I've always found to be particularly fascinating onscreen and 2) this is a damn weird story.

Quick Plot: Sheryl is a struggling actress trudging through disappointing audition after disappointing audition in LA. When her agent books her a fairly thankless spot on The Dating Game, she reluctantly fluffs her hair and ekes out a charming smile to take on her bachelors. 

Bachelor #3 is Rodney, a free-spirited photographer who easily trumps his fellow contestants by showing a quick wit and sensitive side. It's ironic because, you know, Rodney also happens to be a serial killer who targets vulnerable young women. 

Throughout Woman of the Hour, we see Rodney over the course of several years in his murder spree. As a photographer, he has a quick in for many aspiring models. As a fairly nondescript, good-looking man, he can also find his way in the right place at the right time. There are brushes with the authorities over the years, but even an audience member named Laura recognizing the man on stage as the last person seen with her dead friend can be written off by dubious male detectives. 

Meanwhile, Sheryl finds some form of strength on live TV when she decides to give the horribly sexist cue cards an on-the-fly rewrite. It doesn't please the host, but it brightens the female hair and makeup team's day. After the show, she grabs a drink with Rodney and gets a glimmer of just what kind of man he might be.

Woman of the Hour has a lot on its mind, but its primary theme is incredibly strong. We live in a patriarchal society, and with that comes horrors both great and small. You're usually the person with the least power in any room. Oh, and if you're alone in the room with the wrong man of power, he might do some terrible things. 

In discussing her directorial debut, Anna Kendrick referenced the famous Margaret Atwood quote that sums up quite a lot of her film: men are afraid women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them. 

In Woman of the Hour, we see both happen, and more importantly, we see intelligent, quick-thinking women save their own lives by being incredibly cautious to not laugh (or scream). It's not a great place to live. Earlier in the film, we see how Sheryl's people-pleasing puts her in the wrong situations. She sleeps with a neighbor she clearly doesn't care much for simply because she feels bad for leading him on. It's not comparable to Rodney brutalizing his victims, but there's a straight line to how he's able to put himself alone in an apartment with one who has to nicely ask him to leave before meeting her death.

These are lines we toe, and Kendrick shows a lot of skill in bluntly putting it out there without directly saying the quiet part out loud. Ian McDonald's script was clearly on the blacklist for good reasons, and Kendrick seemed to be the perfect match. Much like The Shining Girls, the emphasis is ultimately on the women, never reveling in Rodney's violence. We see what we have to in order to understand the weight of this man. But this is not his story.

High Points

This kind of dead girl narrative can be rough, but there is a key light to some of the interactions between the female characters that helps lend the film a certain heart. It's a tiny moment, but a small nod between Sheryl and a waitress helps to remind the audience that you're not always alone

Low Points

While I think the sideline story of Laura recognizing Rodney and dealing with her own frustrations does a lot to fuel the gaslight, it also never quite gels with the rest of the film

Lessons Learned

Always know the fake number you're giving out to creeps

When moving into an NYC walkup, do everything in your power to make sure you hear that mover ring the doorbell. It's literally the difference between life and death (in this case) or life and a very strained back

Rent/Bury/Buy

I'm sure there are multiple documentaries about Rodney Alcala, and I'll never watch any of them because much like this film, I don't care about this man. Woman of the Hour probably plays with the facts to make its narrative move, but it does so to explore the way women navigate the violence of men. It's thoughtful, dark, and weirdly entertaining in ways that I'm still kind of playing around with in my head. This is another movie that I'll likely revisit with a different lens sometime down the road. Find it on Netflix.

Swapping Bodies Bodies Bodies

 

Unlikable but attractive young people are a hallmark of horror. We watch this genre knowing characters will die, so making them pleasant to look at and just awful enough to kind of wish violence upon their knockout bodies is reasonable. 

The flip of this is that insufferable characters can often make for an insufferable watching experience. Take something like The Alpines, which has a similar setup to today's feature. Watching it, I would have rather my Roku malfunctioned than watch each character meet their end. With Greg Jardin's It's What's Inside, we get equally bratty characters but played by such charming actors that I was all in.

Quick Plot: Cyrus (James Morosini) and Shelby (Brittany O'Grady) have hit a rut in their relationship. She's desperately trying to implement new risks in the bedroom, while he would rather just watch porn whenever she heads out for a run. They're not on the same page but bound for the same weekend getaway to their pal Rueben's coed bachelor party, held in the unusual mansion of his late artist mother. 

In tow is the usual round of hot young adults a few years out of college but still holding onto past grudges and crushes. There's influencer Nikki (Fear the Walking Dead's Alycia Debnam-Carey), stoner Brooke, free spirit Maya, bad boy Dennis, and surprise guest Forbes, who was expelled from college and the gang after an intense argument with Dennis over Forbes' underage sister. Forbes has since had a minor tech bro glow-up and comes armed to party with the ultimate pre-wedding game: a machine that lets you body swap.

Tossing in copious amounts of drugs and alcohol to such a mix (the untested technology AND complicated matrix of sexual entanglements) leads, as you might have guessed it, to an act of violence and chaotic horror. 

Written and directed by Greg Jardin, It's What's Inside calls to mind the similarly themed and styled Bodies Bodies Bodies. The movie itself is fully in control of how flawed its own characters are, and the cast does a tremendous job in playing out those dynamics. It also manages to be a little deeper in how these people actually relate to one another. The smartest move the script makes is framing the whole story with Shelby and Cyrus's stale romance. It always serves as a sort of compass to the rest of the night's hijinks while also exploring something relatable and awful (and often very funny, thanks to O'Grady, Morosini, and a few of the bodies they end up in).

It's What's Inside isn't quite a masterpiece, and does seem to miss out on a few opportunities to explore more fundamentally interesting questions about body and identity. Still, it's an incredibly good time that I found kinetic and fun. 

High Points

Jardin plays with quite a few visual tricks, making his film occasionally feel like a more grownup TikTok video. Weirdly, it works, especially if you think a little more deeply about how much everyone's different perspectives are constantly driving each action in the story

Low Points

I think the number of characters had to follow a certain logic in order to mathematically add up to the storyline, but I do think the film stumbles a tiny bit in not having enough time to differentiate Brooke and Maya. Neither gets quite enough time to develop before the swap, which makes any reference to both always slightly confusing.

Lessons Learned

A real friend remembers your life-threatening allergies

The best cure for a headache is a new body

Body swapped sex is probably hot and weird, but it shouldn't let you off the hook for taking basic safety precautions

Rent/Bury/Buy

You will likely know very quickly whether It's What's Inside is for you. For me, it was a blast, though I can see its tone not connecting with many a viewer. Find it on Netflix.