Showing posts with label stalked by my doctor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stalked by my doctor. Show all posts

Monday, July 2, 2018

Third Time's the Charm


When you've got a good thing going, why stop? 

Quick Plot: It's been two years since Sophie Green escaped the clutches of Dr. Albert Beck, the lovesick cardiologist with a dangerous kick for young women. A former bright-eyed aspiring medical student, Sophie has traded her sundresses for a gothier style, complete with insomnia and post traumatic stress syndrome. 


See, closure is hard when the man who kidnapped you, threatened to amputate your limbs, and came thisclose to raping and killing you escaped conviction by charming a vulnerable female juror, just like Pablo Schrieber in that never-ending Law & Order: SVU storyline. Unwilling to let go, Sophie follows Beck to Phoenix where he's accepted a job teaching cardiology 101.


It's the very first day of school when Albert locks eyes with Melissa, a pretty blond who fits his exact type by not only being into older men, but also needing some health help that only he can provide. Meanwhile, Sophie begins a justified smear campaign (is that the right word if the target deserves it?) by starting a petition to have her former tormenter fired. Unfortunately, Albert is one step ahead, leading authority figures to see Sophie as an unreliable drug addict. 


Yes, if you can believe it, what we have here is the third Stalked By My Doctor Lifetime production examining gaslighting. It gets even more interesting when the lovestruck Melissa refuses to #believewomen, going so far as to plan Sophie's murder and coverup to protect her new boyfriend's name. 


Written and directed by the "Stalked By" specialist Doug Campbell, Patient's Revenge is pretty much everything fans of this franchise want. Beautiful unlived-in kitchens, ditzy dads who give terrible advice, and Eric Roberts playing off of, well, Eric Roberts as his conscious takes the form of himself decked out in a Hawaiian shirt, sipping an umbrella-laden cocktail and warning him about the dangers of younger women. 


Did I mention the musical fantasy sequence? It's here, and it's fabulous.


One does not look for feats of cinematic wonder on Lifetime, but Patient's Revenge manages to keep pushing the manic weirdness of the Stalked By series to shockingly fun heights. That's far more ambitious than many a theatrical release.

High Points
I could live a hundred lives and never find an actor better at throwing a temper tantrum at himself than Eric Roberts


Low Points
While the single flashback is played for genuine laughs, it seems a little odd that the events of Stalked By My Doctor 2 aren't really explained as such recent history


Lessons Learned
True love means not being freaked out to discover a photograph of yourself framed in your teacher's bedroom on your very first date


Every sexual predator has his own style when it comes to tying up women


Even the dumbest copy will not be fooled by a Frozen wig


Rent/Bury/Buy
If you didn't enjoy the first two Stalked By My Doctors, I can't imagine why you're still here (and along with that, how you have any joy in your heart). Lack of American Girl doll freakouts aside, this is easily the best yet. Roberts is having a blast, but the real treasure is how the film gives its former victim her own agency. This isn't the a feminist manifesto, but it's nice to see the third entry in a goofy Lifetime series playing with its power dynamics in surprising ways. 


But still: bring back the dolls

Monday, April 4, 2016

Doctors Are People Too. Insane Socially Awkward Violent Rapey People


Believe it or not, there are some movies on this planet that are almost too fun to watch. 

This is one of them. 

Quick Plot: Dr. Beck is a man with needs. Despite being one of the country's greatest heart surgeons, he just can't seem to find that special someone to share his life and beach house with. Online dating gives him great excitement in between complicated cardio procedures, but his dates scare off quickly when he reveals his inner creep.


This is not a subtle man.

Sophie Green learns that the hard way. The fresh-faced seventeen year old is driving home with her boyfriend one day when his irresponsible texting lands her in the oily hands of our dear Dr. Beck. Before you can say A Talking Cat?!, Dr. Beck is licking the lips of a sedated Sophie after saving her life.


That's how you pay back a doctor, right?

I worry that I'm several paragraphs into this review and you, dear reader, are thinking to yourself, "this sounds like any other Lifetime obsession movie." Well friends, I ask you, does any other Lifetime obsession movie involve Eric Roberts sniffing the underwear of a knockoff American Girl doll, then having an epic freak-out on said knockoff American Girl doll that makes a rock star in a hotel room look like a gentleman dropping a monocle? 


Does any other Lifetime obsession movie have Eric Roberts going from 0 to 11 in less than a minute of a date gone wrong? With said date gone wrong ending with the greatest declaration of a breakup to come out of the 21st century:



That should be enough to cement Stalked By My Doctor into the annals of cinematic heave, but there's more. So much more. An oblivious dad who either has never seen a man lust after a woman, or really does believe that it's acceptable if the woman is attractive and the man is his doctor. A boyfriend with a chronic  texting-when-driving condition that's treated with more severity than a positive HIV test. Randomly inserted still photographs of Eric Roberts achieving recognition for his surgery prowess to support daft dad's assessment that "he really is one of the best doctors in the country!"


Writer/director Doug Campbell, you are a treasure.

High Points
There's a reason why a podcast exists titled Eric Roberts Is the F&cking Man. The reason is, plainly and simply, Eric Roberts is indeed the f&cking man. Also, go listen to this podcast's coverage of Stalked By My Doctor. You will be better for it

Low Points
There's something a tad unsatisfying about the ending, but that's easy to dismiss when the possibility of a sequel smells sweeter than gently aged books or a new carpet


Lessons Learned
Hot teenage girls are just going to have to learn to accept that medical professionals are going to inappropriately hit on them when they're at their most vulnerable


Attention Starbucks employees: when writing a customer's name on his or her cup, be sure that all stalking surgeons are listed as "Dr."

If you feel guilty about almost killing your girlfriend with your careless driving, the best way of showing it is to simply ignore her. She'll get the message


Rent/Bury/Buy
Why be unhappy when you can just watch Stalked By My Doctor? Heck, why do ANYTHING when you can just watch Stalked By My Doctor?



Point being, this is a masterpiece. Go make your life better.