What’s that? Did I hear a slide whistle?
Or a monkey farting?
Or a sasquatch dribbling?
Or a cat ghosting?
Could it be?....
When we were children, September was a dark time. Sure, we could look forward to new episodes of Perfect Strangers and Herman’s Head, but only if we finished our homework before the dinner bell. Because remember, dear adult friends, when summer used to MEAN something? Freedom, swimming pools, air conditioned movie theaters, and ice cream trucks?
As working adults, ‘freedom’ gets restricted to weekends now needed for rest, swimming pools make us wonder who peed in them, air conditioned movie theaters include droves of texters, and ice cream trucks offer nothing but empty calories and the reminder that in OUR day, Mr. Softee wasn’t $97.25.
|But he was never not creepy|
We are old.
But you know what? There’s beauty in the month of September, and I’m not just saying that because it means an end to the fear of stepping on a subway car swarming with an army of summer campers in matching t-shirts and competitive screams. That’s right, as these whipper snappers bemoan the return to school hallways and math class, we grownups can appreciate the good that comes with it. Nicer weather, Labor Day, the nearness of October…um…nicer weather…
Okay fine! It’s not THAT great a month. And that’s why it’s going to the dogs.
The Karate Dogs.
And Cop Dogs.
And Chilly Dogs.
And Ghost Cats.
Talking koala bears.
Baseball playing chimpanzees.
In case you haven’t figured it out, September 2012 is the 1st Maybe Annual Animals Doing Human Stuff Month here at the Doll’s House. Why? Mostly because I have this 4-dog movie pack from the self-proclaimed Cinemasochist himself, Justin Oberholtzer—whose awesome book Movienalia you can now get in hard copy or virtual form over yonder---and it would be a DOGGONE shame not to juice it for all its drool.
We’ll be visited by a wide range of celebrities, including Jon Voight, Ellen Page, Joan Collins, Jeremy Piven AND Jeremy Sisto, Disney’s The Kid, Matt LeBlanc, Simon Rex, Billy Zane, Air Bud, Michelle Rodriquez, Richard Karn, and two-term U.S. president, Ronald Reagan!
Expect a lot of fart jokes, single parent households, lonely children, and montages. See, most Animals Doing Human Stuff films follow a pretty strict formula, all of which I’ll be looking for in the Standard Trope Checklist. We can’t have a talking koala bear movie without bully comeuppance now, can we?
As with February’s Attack of the Shorties, I openly invite all bloggers to join in on these 30 days of anthropomorphic attractions. If you plan on reviewing anything animal-centric in September, shoot me an email at deadlydollshouse at gmail.com with a message and link so I can share it for all the world—or at least those who read this site—to see.
While I realize this subgenre doesn’t quite meet the standard definition of ‘horrors,’ please be assured that the films I’ve already watched all share some sort of terror, be it terrible performances by child actors, dead unblinking eyes of something that was designed to be cute, or A-list actors trapped in a hell of their own career choice making.
So break out the hand sanitizer and lint roller! It’s going to be a furry ride.