Prom Capades

Sometimes you go into a movie for the wrong reasons and come out happy to discover new ones.

Evil twins and figure skating? I'm in.
Actual decent filmmaking?

Who knew?!

Quick Plot: Maria is a shy high school senior struggling with insecurity and what seems like a serious undiagnosed case of depression. Her best (and only) friend Lily is an aspiring figure skater dating Sean, the one guy in school who doesn't pick on Maria. At home, Maria's plastic surgeon father rules with an icy fist and intensely high standard of beauty, so much so that his proposed 18th birthday gift to his daughter is a nose job and cosmetic ear surgery.

One day, Maria stumbles upon an ultrasound that seems to reveal she had an in-utero twin. After a particularly cruel day at school, Maria meets Airam (get it?), her more confident mirror image, who convinces Maria to trade places.

Cue the succession of dead teenagers-via-head trauma massacre! Lily's offer to teach Maria/Airam how to ice skate turns fatal, followed by poor, easily seducible Sean. Flashbacks reveal Airam's tragic origin, as Maria seems to drift farther away into her mirror prison.

I took a chance on Look Away because the premise seemed interesting enough, the presence of Jason Isaacs and Mira Sorvino is always welcome, but most importantly, THE TRAILER SHOWED FIGURE SKATING.

I will never pass on a genre film that involves my favorite sport.

A good part of Look Away's strength comes from its beautifully deployed winter setting, with snow piled everywhere and the gray overcast adding a moody feel. It gives the film such a specific visual tone, with a sparse and cold atmosphere so fitting of Maria's empty emotional home life (perfectly set in the kind of modern mansion that feels decorated by Lydia Deeks' minimalist rival).

Also, Prom: On Ice.

Seriously, in the world of Look Away, a high school throws its senior prom not at a local country club or banquet hall, but on an actual ice rink. Granted, clumsy students might be no worse in ice skates than they would be in high heels, but STILL.

It's a prom. On. Ice.

Yes, that's enough reason to watch Look Away. It's also rather beautifully made, although I don't know that Assaf Bernstein's screenplay is at the same level as his strong direction. There are hauntingly strong implications in Look Away's resolution, and I rather appreciate its ambiguity, but there's also just something lacking in the story that left the final moments just a tad unsatisfying. 

Maybe if it just had 5% more figure skating-induced violence... 

High Points
It's always a pleasure to see Mira Sorvino and Jason Isaacs onscreen, and they imbue their WASPily twisted marriage with the right levels of broken rich people. Sorvino conveys every bit of insecurity she needs in a glance, while Isaacs slowly lets his character's truly despicable nature unravel without overplaying a single sneer

Low Points
India Eisley (daughter of Olivia Hussey but more importantly, the titular other unhappy poor little rich girl in Lifetime's adaptation of V.C. Andrews' bonkers My Sweet Audrina) is effectively haunting as Maria, and I suppose Maria being the daughter of a plastic surgeon helps sell this, but we're at Chloe Grace Moretz-as-Carrie levels of "really, you're telling me THIS GIRL is considered ugly?"

Lessons Learned
Nice is a boy you don't want to go out with

Nothing kills hockey practice like a makeout session

The best way to convey turning evil: sudden smoking habit and a clean double axel

Rent/Bury/Buy
I went into Look Away expecting a fun dollop of YA-ish thrills, but this is a far more sophisticated film made with some accomplished style. Give it a go when you're in need of something chilly. 

I Hope I Get It

I don't exactly know why it's taken me so long to get around to 1983's Curtains. While it's never had a hugely positive reputation, it DOES have a doll, mannequins, interpretive dance, Samantha Eggar, and, most importantly, figure skating. If that's not a movie made for Emily Intravia, then frankly, I just don't know who I am anymore.

Quick Plot: Director Jonathon Stryker (John Vernon) is attempting to mount production on Audra, a drama about a woman going insane. Film star Samantha Sherwood (the always great Eggar) is set to star and decides to undergo intense research by posing as a madwoman, going undercover and living in a mental asylum to prepare. It's method acting to the extreme, and apparently, a little too much for what Stryker wants from his leading lady.

Some time later, Stryker decides to recast his leading lady via a weekend audition session with six young contenders. Included in the group is Brooke, a seasoned pro, Christie, a figure skater(!!!!!), Patti, a comedian, Laurian, a dancer, Tara, a musician, and Amanda, who is stabbed to death before she gets the chance to reveal her trade for the talent show. 

Thankfully for all, Samantha has managed to escape from the asylum just in time to join the Survivor-meets-A Chorus Line-esque audition weekend. Naturally, the other applicants are slowly picked off, all seemingly by a multitalented masked figure. 

I didn't know much about the behind-the-scenes (or curtains) happenings involved in Curtains at first, so my initial reaction was that this film was an enjoyable mess. Some sequences are weirdly wonderful--figure skating death because OBVIOUSLY, but also a decent stalking scene and some of the drama surrounding the genuinely good and magnetic Samantha Eggar--but throughout the film, there's a lack of focus that hurts the overall effect. Too many of the young females are shortchanged in their characterization, leading me to miscount who was left and to watch one of the final girls wondering who she actually was. 

Turns out, of COURSE Curtains was a mess because that's what happens when your director walks off the set, your producer finishes shooting over the course of a few years, various cast and crew members are replaced, and rewrites abound in a way that changes your story and tone. 

So yes, Curtains is an incredibly flawed and sometimes dull film. Thankfully, it's also weird enough to justify its place on the lower tier of Canadian cult classics. This is a movie that involves death via interpretive dance. If that doesn't excite you, we simply run in different circles.

High Points

She may not have loved the material, but Samantha Eggar gives a genuinely interesting performance that helps to elevate the overall film

Low Points

Aside from Lynne Griffin, the rest of the younger female characters simply don't get enough time to stand out as individuals, making it hard to be invested in any of the tension as the numbers go down

Lessons Learned

All's fair in love and auditions

To best keep pepperoni hot, stick it to your butt

You might be an insecure figure skater because you haven't made it to the Olympics, but any gal who can tie her shoelaces while wearing fuzzy gloves should win a gold medal for something

Rent/Bury/Buy

Curtains is now streaming on Amazon Prime, and while it's not quite a lost gem of '80s cinema, it is unique enough to warrant a watch if you've never done so. You won't get nearly as much figure skating as you should, but isn't that always the case?

Mall Madness

Between the glory of Dawn of the Dead and the glee of Chopping Mall, the cuteness of Bio-Zombie and the "oh yeah, that's set in a mall too" Elves, shopping malls are simply prime real estate for horror. It looks like India has finally received that memo.

Quick Plot: Amity Mall is about to become the largest indoor shopping center in all of Asia, providing people working on its construction stop, you know, dying mysteriously. 

After the latest security guard casualty, an ex-soldier named Vishnu is called in to oversee the finishing touches before the mall's big opening. The wealthy business men in charge bring their grown children along for the star-studded party and token five minute musical number break.

This is an Indian film, after all.

As most of the guests begin to exit, the handful lingering behind--both for work reasons and sneak-into-closed-stores-and-figure-skating-rinks-for-fun ones--are hunted down by a some very angry, very violent ghosts. Little by little, the stragglers piece together that the men who purchased this property did not do so with the upmost moral code of conduct.

Darr @ the Mall was apparently made originally for television, which explains why it goes on...and on....and on. Two hours of running length isn't normally unreasonable, but boy does it feel unnecessarily epic in the context of a rather simple haunted mall story.

Pacing aside, Pawan Kripalani's Darr @ the Mall has its charm. While the characters aren't really fleshed out in the most interesting ways, the main actors more than make up for it with good, earnest performances. The effects are B-level CGI, but some of the scares pop and the setups--including an aforementioned FIGURE SKATING DEATH--are done with more care than you might find on average. There's even a rather brilliantly done falling-down-the-stairs shot that might be the first time I've ever genuinely felt the horror of that kind of situation (for those wondering, I tend to fall UP the stairs far more often). 

This is a decent, well-made horror movie. I just wish there wasn't so much of it.

High Points

Did I mention there was a figure skating death?

Low Points

Did I mention this is a two-hour ghost story that probably needed about 75 minutes to tell its story effectively?

Lessons Learned

One reason for not being happy all the time is that you're just not drinking all the time

It's not an accident just because you say so

Saris are made from extremely flammable material

Rent/Bury/Buy

It's hard to fully endorse Darr @ the Mall because its running time feels unreasonable. That being said, it's always interesting to see horror from around the world, and this is certainly a quality production. Perhaps it's worth a watch in bits, as it was originally designed to run. Or maybe I just don't have it in me to NOT recommend a horror film that involves a DEATH WHILE FIGURE SKATING.

Instant bonus point awarded. 

The Curse of the Shortening

Thwarted, once again. 

Let me tell you folks, I had some grand big but-not-in-a-vertical-way plans for this month, yet once again, the hustle and bustle of the real world (minus Puck) reared its head to complicate my February coverage.

Also, there was a kitten.

No, concerned Animal Hoarders viewers with the call-in number on speed dial, I did not bring this adorable little feline into the already crowded 4-cats, 2-people apartment I call home. But I did find this little fella squatting in my apartment building hallway on a cold winter's night, which led to a few days of converting my bathroom into a highly secure foster home undetectable to the rest of the brood. Perhaps it was fitting that my real-life February would be crashed by a tiny yet mighty creature. But it was still a tad inconvenient.

Also, I won't lie (mostly for fear of being karmically repaid/punished in the style of last year's most terrifying February entry, Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio): I like the Olympics. A. Lot.

Sochi strays, opening pomp, Bob Costas' eyeballs bravely fighting a losing battle to that smarmy and sneaky Matt Lauer and his presumed conjunctivitis planting, and most of all, A TERRIFYINGLY ICY RUSSIAN PRODIGY DOUBLE AXELING WITHOUT IRONY TO THE THEME FROM SCHINDLER'S LIST.

Not to mention the glory of Pairs fashion, shockingly outdoing the typically Vogue: Slovakia caliber of Ice Dancing dresses.

Anyway, my point is that I just didn't get to go the distance I was hoping for this month, but that's what fellow bloggers are for!  Thankfully, good pal Elwood Jones of From the Depths of DVD Hell picked up some slack with a few Shortening-minded reviews. Check 'em out!

Orphan
Curse of Chucky
Piranha 3DD
The Brood

Want more? Head on yonder to Pearce's Horror Movie Reviews for his thoughts on one of the hallmarks of '80s Shortenings, Ghoulies. Because you can never have too much of a little thing!

As always, we'll be back shortly with some less specially small tales of horror. Until then, stand tall!

Let It Begin!

Man, this is a miserable time of year. Sure, celebrations abound for adorable (if unreliable) groundhogs and long-passed early presidents, but the rest of us in certain climates are stuck shivering in crumby weather, sloshing around in dirty melted slush, and frantically navigating NBC's three-channel coverage of the Olympics to ensure the DVR does not fail to record every second of figure skating.

I've been burned before.

Thankfully, the Doll's House has a four-year-running tradition of taking one of the calendar's worth months and making it into something special. February being short, me being short, dolls being short, short being awesome, we take these next 28 days to focus on films that feature vertically challenged villains, be they Good Guys with attitudes or problem childs with bow ties. Stay tuned for Monday's first installment where we go back to Doll's House basics.

In the meantime, I invite my fellow bloggers to join in the fun by sending me your own posts (new or old) that give special love to those under average height. Our first recommend comes courtesy of the Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, one of my most beloved film podcasts. On this very special Midnite Ride (said in a sexy, husky voice), blogging champions Mattsuzaka of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby and Karl Brezdin of Fist of B-List step up (3D) behind the microphone to discuss a true winter classic of yore, 1989's VHS treasure Elves.

Yes, that's the one about a Nazi elf, and yes, it's as spectacular as you'd think.

Download or stream this Shortening Approved episode and come back on Monday for a special visit with everyone's favorite plastic redhead.

No, not Midge. Something far more special...