The Sound of Silence

It should go without saying at this point that any horror fan should be investing in a Shudder subscription. Not every new film it hosts works, but you can usually count on whatever it's pushing to at least be of interest to the genre. 

Quick Plot: Title cards inform us that the rapture has occurred, and an unspecified (but seemingly significant) amount of time later, the world is recovering by keeping quiet. One cult centers their belief system around the concept of speech being a sin. Members sever their vocal cords and occasionally make human sacrifices to a carnivorous clan of creatures known as "The Burned Ones."

Azrael (scream queen Samara Weaving) and her lover Kenan attempt to escape with varying levels of success. We follow Azrael through bloody battle in the woods, hitchhiking help down the road, and all-out destruction as she ends up back at camp. Throughout the full 90 minutes, we hear no discernible words. 

Azrael is written by The Guest (and to far lesser acclaim, Seance's) Simon Barrett, a man who's found tremendous success in low-to-mid-budget 21st century horror (though more often than not, left me pretty cold). Director E.L. Katz has played in the same circle, with Cheap Thrills and an ABCs of Death 2 credit. 

Despite a pretty specific and unique hook, Azrael doesn't really have that much going on. Weaving is unsurprisingly great in the title role, and makes a believably resourceful heroine on the run. Or so we assume? There's so little backstory or meat on the script's bone that for all we know, Azrael is a worse villain than her religious captors. Who knows?

I appreciate a lean film that doesn't have to explain itself, and on that front, Azrael is likely a satisfying watch for many a genre fan. Its action is well-staged, and it has some pretty gnarly creature design that goes a long way. I didn't dislike the process of watching the movie, but as soon as it ended, I found myself shrugging. There's simply NOTHING there in terms of weight, character, or story. 

High Points

Let it never go unsaid: Samara Weaving is a movie star. Let us all be thankful that she also seems to love the horror genre and keeps making these kinds of movies

Low Points

I know that the average film audience member is not expected to be very smart, but do we really need a flashback twenty minutes into a story? 

Lessons Learned

Rock music is the universal language of the post-rapture future

Never turn your back on a human sacrifice

Love makes us do very dumb things, such as forgetting that the tribe who raised you is very good at setting traps

Rent/Bury/Buy

Azrael doesn't really have much to say (GET IT?!), but it's a fun, efficient little ride that has just enough to make its gimmick work for its short stay. Have at it on Shudder. 

Fourth Time's the Charm

 

I've gone on record as having significant problems with the 21st century horror anthology. The V/H/S franchise has certainly taken the brunt of my complaints, with The ABCs of Death scooping up what was left.

But EMILY! you might yell, horror anthologies are FUN! They condense plots into bite-sized viewing increments! They give lots of filmmakers the opportunity to tell stories! They almost always include a segment involving a killer doll!

Ah, my sweet summer child, I say with weathered lungs, they SHOULD do all of those things. But here we are heading into the FOURTH V/H/S installment and you know what? STILL NO KILLER DOLL.

Still, I'll happily concede that V/H/S: Viral was slightly less mean-spirited than V/H/S 2, which was certainly an improvement over the first installment, so maybe, just maybe, we're on an upswing. 

Quick Plot: An intriguing (but ultimately disappointing) wraparound written and directed by Jennifer Reeder pairs us with a young SWAT team as they barrel into the warehouse that served as the headquarters for a Heavens Gate-like cult. Room to room, they discover mutilated bodies and more importantly, active VCRs running some grisly home movies that comprise our segments:

1. Storm Drain

Written and directed by Chloe Okuno, this one follows an ambitious local news field reporter named Holly as she investigates the mysterious appearances of the "Rat Man". This being an anthology and every character therefore harboring a fatal flaw, Holly's drive leads her and her cameraman a little too far down a sewer tunnel. There's no turning back from a crazed batch of religious fanatics who worship the aforementioned Rat Man (or more formally, Raatma) but Holly just might have the right stuff to emerge with one helluva story.

And also, one helluva anthology segment! Storm Drain isn't the scariest 20 minutes put to film, but it understood the assignment and completed it cleanly. This is not the same story we've seen over and over again in these kinds of films, making it incredibly refreshing and with its stinger of an ending, even more satisfying.

2. The Empty Wake

You're Next scribe (and less successfully, Seance writer/director) Simon Barrett takes us through a rough day at work for Hailey, a young funeral home attendant charged with hosting her first solo gig on a dark and stormy night. Her bosses have threatened termination if she calls them, giving her plenty of reasons to try to power through an increasingly tense evening of mysterious guests and moving coffins.

I was, to put it mildly, incredibly hard on Seance, so it was a huge relief to find myself enjoying The Empty Wake. It's exactly what the second segment of a horror anthology should be, setting up a crystal clear premise and steadily increasing the volume to a perfectly timed crescendo. Nice work.

3. The Subject

Timo Tjahjanto is back from his (whaddya know?) cult segment in V/H/S 2 to tell the tale of mad scientist Dr. Suhendra, who's on a mission to create and perfect cyborg-like creatures via kidnapped strangers. His newest male and female subjects seem to be working out, so much so that they're able to violently tear through the police force that storms through the door and kills Dr. Suhendra. The female subject tries to protect Jono, the one sympathetic member of the force, eventually escaping after the rest of the team is blasted.

The Subject has some neat, gross Tetsuo-like energy that manages to throw in some unique and disturbing concepts while spraying them all in bullets and rocket launcher shots. It's a bit, how do I say it, loud, but thankfully, the beauty of the anthology format is that it can only last so long. Like his segment in V/H/S 2, The Subject is ambitious in its scope, and memorable for going places you don't normally think of in this type of movie. I have no desire to see an expanded full-length version of The Subject, but in this spot, it works just fine.

4. Terror

Written and directed by Ryan Prows, Terror follows a band of awful men attempting to make America great again before they had a slogan for it. The militia has been planning an attack on a government building with a secret weapon in hand: the very flammable blood of a captured vampire. Naturally, these are not the sharpest tools in the stolen ammunition shed, and before the next sunrise, some very violent purging of a different sort will occur.

Terror is the kind of segment I would have dreaded in an earlier V/H/S film, as hearing the racist vitriol of white men can be pretty unwatchable in the wrong hands (even if we know said awful white men will likely experience a horrific death by nature of being in a horror anthology). Thankfully, Prows doesn't overplay his hand. These men are scum, and Prows is mercifully quick in making them pay. Overall, it's a clever angle into the familiar vampire lore, and it uses its short time frame quite effectively.

So...did I finally, unabashedly, LIKE a V/H/S movie? I DID. 

No one is more surprised than me.

Lessons Learned

Maybe, just maybe, like, and I'm just throwing out a suggestion here: don't get blackout drunk around a vampire?

Rent/Bury/Buy

Yes, I'm actually encouraging you to seek out a V/H/S movie, and no, I can most certainly assure you there is not a gun being held to my head off-blog. This was good! 

Still...might have been better with a killer doll. 

The Case for Public School

For almost twenty years now, Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett have put together some of the more successful and influential independent horror films to generate deep discussion on the internet (though oddly, not much box office receipts). From the humble Dead Birds to the bigger budgeted Blair Witch remake/sequel/rebooqual/whatever-we're-calling-it, they've been prominent.

For me, their record is mixed. You're Next and The Guest are extremely watchable, a lot of which stems from extremely good casts. I've made no bones about how much I despise a lot in the V/H/S series, and while Letterboxd and Netflix claim I did indeed watch Blair Witch, I'm left wondering if I had a Men In Black-ish memory wipe that day because it left such a nothing impression on me. 

So yes, I'm fairly out of step with a lot of the horror community on this duo. But I'm also a sucker for boarding school-based horror and Shudder originals, so why not give Barrett's directorial debut a go?

Quick Plot: A batch of perfectly sized and attractive "teenage" girls do some pranking at their boarding school, jokingly summoning the spirit of a deceased student who took her own life years ago. Something goes wrong, leaving poor Kerrie dead, an apparent suicide out the window.

That opens up a spot at the prestigious Edelvine Academy, bringing in  mysterious new student Camille Meadows. In her first day on campus, Camille succeeds in befriending the uncool (and yet stunning) Helina, and alienating the popular mean girls. A fistfight sends the whole gang to detention where the titular seance unleashes something dark.

Maybe.

Seance is somehow equal parts unusual and bland. Written and directed by Simon Barrett, it's genuinely baffling to me to consider who this movie was made for. 

There are certainly audiences (myself included) that love to watch lighter boarding school horror from the point of view of teenage girls, but NOBODY in Seance ever remotely resembles a teenage girl. Putting aside the bland "I think this is how girls talk" dialogue, not one character gets a shred of distinguishing personality. That runs straight through to Camille. She's so unphased by her new surroundings that we as an audience have no reason to raise our own eyebrows.

I'd almost be less mad if Barrett had gone the other route so common in boarding school set horror. But make no mistake: there is nothing sexy about Seance. There is nothing...well, ANYTHING that really defines Seance. 

I suppose the last act reveal is a bit unexpected, but that's more because it comes out of nowhere (and is therefore incredibly unsatisfying). There's no substance, and sadly, not much style. The spooky scenes are primarily managed by turning down the lights. There's one promising sequence involving ballet, but it mostly just reminds you that dance is woefully underused in horror (and how much better it's been done before).

I wanted to like Seance. I LIKE these kinds of movies, but truthfully, I can't even tell you what KIND of movie I watched. It's muted and restrained, with a few slasher-y killings devoid of much suspense. There supernatural elements are somewhat different from what you might expect, but they're also ill-defined. The finale gives us over-the-top violence intended to shock, but mostly, it's just silly. The denouement is, I suppose, meant to lend some humanity to its surviving characters but all it really does is make you say, "well, that could have been a more interesting story to tell."

It...did not please me. 

High Points

I hate to be this negative, but I found so little to admire in Seance that I'll just take a swing to say, without spoiling, that the actual motivation behind the horror is so ridiculously convoluted that at least I had one element of surprise

Low Points

There's a moment when a character complains about how she was out of sight during a scene and therefore couldn't see anything and while no one was there to hear it, I promise you I audibly shouted, "NEITHER CAN I BECAUSE IT'S SO DAMN DARK." There's nothing fun about that.

Lessons Learned

Expensive and exclusive American boarding schools will age you fast

Even in 2020, the best way to express a character as being bookish is to, you guessed it, make her the only cast member to wear glasses

Every old school has a ghost

Rent/Bury/Buy

I get it. You might be reading this review and wondering how I can actually be harder on this movie than, say, Titanic 666 because sure: Seance is objectively a better film than Titanic 666. But I would watch Titanic 666 complete with Tubi commercials again before I'd revisit Seance. This film is so lifeless and devoid of personality that I'm almost angry. Shudder usually knows better. 

Make Him Feel At Home

I may have been a little hard on the hip boy team that is Adam Wingard and Simon Barrett. Though I mostly enjoyed their big debut, A Horrible Way to Die, I've fallen quite hard off their train following their lazy, nauseating, misogynist, and generally misanthropic contributions to the new "bad boy" boom of anthology horror that puked on my eyes with V/H/S and its sequel. I had put off seeing their much-loved You're Next for quite a while, but finally gave in and found it, well, pretty darn delightful.

Hence did I un-side my eye to give The Guest a shot, especially since it was conveniently streaming on Netflix Instant. Unpack your things and let's get to know one another, shall we?

Quick Plot: The Petersons are a family in mourning, having recently lost their eldest son Caleb overseas during a military mission. Their days get a little brighter with the arrival of the charming and handsome David, Caleb's army buddy who comes bearing kind words to alcoholic dad Spencer, sad mom Laura, moody 20 year old Anna, and the bullied teenage Luke.

It doesn't take long for the whole Peterson clan to start treating David like family. It certainly helps when David helps Luke brutally teach some teasing classmates a few lessons in etiquette and charms Anna's best friend by protecting her from an ex-boyfriend. Soon Spencer's receiving a promotion courtesy of the mysterious death of his supervisor and Laura seems ready to adopt David as her own.

Naturally, something is amiss. Played almost like a kinetic twist on The Monkey's Paw, The Guest continues to show some of director Adam Wingard's key strengths. Like You're Next, this film starts with such an interesting and completely believable family dynamic so that by the time chaos is reigning, we're fully invested with seeing how it will play out. It also helps that Wingard has assembled a strong genre-friendly cast (including It Follows Maika Monroe and Se7en's Leland Orser). In the center of it all is Dan Stevens, who finds the perfect balance of charm and menace to make the titular houseguest into someone worth following and fearing. 

This isn't a masterpiece or game-changing piece of genre cinema, but it's FUN. Wingard and screenwriter Barrett bring us in and rather quickly, put everything in fifth gear. Savvy viewers may find some American military politics to mine, but at its heart, this is a movie made to entertain, amuse, and scare. On all of those levels, it works. 

High Points

You have to admire the quick pace of this film. Wingard starts the mayhem under a sunny outdoors excursion, and it just keeps moving from there. There's ALMOST no wasted time whatsoever

Low Points

A lot has been written about the cuts and additions made to The Guest after some test screenings. Based on this first viewing of the theatrical cut, a lot make sense (eliminating scenes explaining David's backstory was a good move, as we can figure enough of it out without dragging the film down in exposition) but one that feels unfortunate, if the internet is to be believed, is that originally, Lance Reddick's character was a sudden introduction at the house siege as opposed to his added scenes in the military base. The idea of him just showing up with a SWAT team behind him just seems like it would have been a much more surprising and effective twist.

Lessons Learned

A spicy beverage makes for a handy weapon

Nothing insults a teenage bully more effectively than a free cosmopolitan in a dive bar

When in doubt, cry hate crime

Rent/Bury/Buy

Like You're Next, The Guest is just a fun, fast-paced horror/thriller. It doesn't quite have the same humorous charm, but it's highly entertaining and is well worth your time on Instant Watch.