Shoulda Been Beta

Between The Company of Wolves, Interview With a Vampire, and Byzantium, Neil Jordan has always been a special filmmaker to the horror genre, and one with an interesting hand when it comes to women (okay, maybe subtract the incredibly male and even more incredibly erotic Interview from that list, but the other two are very much about their leads' gender). Even with the hugely negative critical reaction to 2018's Greta, I couldn't quite give up on it being something worth a watch. 

Sigh.

Quick Plot: Frances is slowly getting over the death of her mother, healing herself through the power of waitressing in a high-end restaurant and hanging out with her ridiculously wealthy roommate Erica (It Follows' Maika Monroe), whose father splurged for a loft in "New York City."

Let's get the first (of unfortunately, many) complaint out of the way: Greta's landscape looks about as Manhattan as a Hallmark Christmas movie. If my subways were half as clean as the oddly logo'd 6 train in this movie, I'd be using it to host mobile dinner parties.

Anyway, Frances is a nice girl from Boston, apparently too good-hearted for the big bad dangers of Irish York. One day, she spots an expensive purse abandoned on a pristine bucket seat. She promptly returns it to its owner, our titular French pianist (who might actually be the same damaged woman Huppert played in The Piano Teacher) who's so charmed by Frances's good deed that the pair become instant besties. 

Frances is obviously seeking a mother, and with her homemade sauce and sad widowhood, why wouldn't Greta fit the bill? If you've seen the trailer, you know that very quickly (within the 40 minute mark) Frances discovers that this ain't Greta's first time at the befriend-a-young-woman-with-good-handbag-taste rodeo. 

At first, Greta tries to win back the terrified Frances with phone calls and visits, standing like a performance artist in the street to watch her young friend as she waits tables in terror. It doesn't take long for Greta to reveal herself to be faster than The Flash and more durable than Michael Michaels. Also, she can teleport like the Leprechaun.

There is a point in this movie where the only earthbound explanation for Greta's ability to stalk Erica is that there are actually eight Gretas. Folks, I would have sent a check to Neil Jordan if this movie had a twist that involved evil twins or quintuplets. 

Sadly, there's apparently nothing supernatural about a Hungarian widow pretending for no explained reason to be French. Except, you know, the scene where she stalks Erica in an alleyway, sending pictures to Francine at every possible angle and, I kid you not, somehow--IT'S NEVER EXPLAINED AND IT'S MY NEW OBSESSION--ending up sitting smugly on the very bus that Erica hastily hops on to escape the Greta who was...following her. 

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?

Don't worry: the movie certainly doesn't.

Look, based on every single professional and amateur review I'd seen of Greta, I did not expect a quality film. That being said, I did know that I was getting one of the genre's most interesting filmmakers directing one of the world's best living actresses in a juicy role. Surely, SURELY I guessed Greta would have its charms. 

What's so damn disappointing about Greta is how lacking it is in fun. Frances is a complete dud. We know Chloe Moretz can be a fiery performer, but the script's insistence on her character being sweet without giving her an ounce of snazz makes her painfully dull to watch, and pretty impossible to root for. The fact that is a recent college graduate enjoying a life of leisure in a million dollar loft doesn't even let us feel some natural sympathy for her. How hard would it have been to tweak her situation just enough to make her an actual underdog? WE ALL LOVE UNDERDOGS.

And come on: we all would kill for secret Isabelle Huppert triplets.

High Points

This is the kind of movie that has Vivaldi's Four Seasons playing at crescendo when Isabelle Huppert throws a table-clearing tantrum in a fancy restaurant. It's impossible not to feel somewhat giddy at that kind of moment

Low Points

And yet--AND YET DESPITE ISABELLE HUPPERT SMASHING WINE GLASSES--Greta is such a messy, aimless, energy-less movie that it's nearly impossible to find any satisfaction from its run time

Lessons Learned

People from Boston return expensive handbags; people from Manhattan call the bomb squad

The crazier they are, the harder they cling

The only thing less effective in solving crime than the NYC police department is Stephen Rea in a cameo

Dog Alert

I watched Greta on a plane and therefore lacked access to the invaluable "Does the Dog Die(.com)" information I needed, but if you couldn't guess that the sweet schnauzer mutt Greta brings home at Frances's urging would meet a tragic end, then let me sell you a bridge

Rent/Bury/Buy

I never thought I'd discourage anyone from seeing a movie wherein Isabelle Huppert spits gum into another woman's hair, but darn it: Greta is a slog. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a good feature-length set of deleted scenes and alternate endings, because there is so much plain sloppiness in its storytelling that I simply have to believe there were problems offscreen. 

Don't we all.

Let Me In (Seriously guys...it's cold out here)

You’ve read the book. You’ve sent angry letters to the Academy Awards blasting them for not nominating the Swedish film in the best foreign category. You’ve ranted on message boards about how Hollywood will rape the material with CGI and CW casting. 

Then you saw an early poster and thought hm, that’s clever. You heard the casting of Chloe Kickass Moretz, Kodi Smit-McI Acted Alongside Viggo Mortenson & Probably Learned a Lot of Great Stuff-Phee, everybody’s favorite undertaker (that’s not David Fisher) Richard Jenkins, and Casey Jones/Not Chris Meloni aka Elias Koteas. Maybe you even read an intelligent interview with writer/director Matt Reeves. Something in you finally kicked: the American remake of Let the Right One In just may be all right.

Quick Plot: An unnamed policeman (Koteas) arrives at a hospital to interview an acid burn victim/murder suspect. Not long after, the disfigured, unnamed man throws himself out the window as we flash back two weeks earlier.

12-year-old Owen is small for his age, an instant outcast with a whisper soft voice and lonely existence. Other than eating Now & Laters, getting beaten up by bullies, and avoiding his wino mother’s macaroni and cheese dinners, he passes most of his time hanging out alone on the playground of his drab Soviet-like New Mexico apartment complex. 

One day, a mysterious man and his ‘daughter’ move in and suddenly Owen is sharing jungle gym space with Abby, the smart and elusive girl next door. “I can’t be your friend,”  she plainly states, though one day later, she’s back at his side to share puzzles and quiet stares.

You’re probably thinking “I KNOW THIS” because you more than likely saw Let the Right One In, one of the best genre films in recent years and forever in a heated battle with Near Dark for most rightfully respected vampire tale yet. Let Me In, it should be said, is very close to Tomas Alfredson’s 2008 adaptation. Yes, Reeves has stated that he wanted to use John Ajvide Lindqvist’s novel as inspiration more than anything else, but he’s also an admitted admirer of the Swedish film and occasionally, Let Me In shows it a little too much. Some of the scenic compositions feel so directly influenced that at times, it’s simply distracting.

On the other hand, Reeves certainly does make specific changes to both source materials that ultimately works quite well. In Lindqvist’s novel, Oskar’s father is clearly drawn as an alcoholic and, in perhaps my favorite passage of the book, Oskar compares him to a werewolf to ultimately conclude that Eli’s vampirism really isn’t such a bad thing. Alfredson’s film features this character, but on first viewing, it’s almost too subtle as to what about him drives Oskar away. Let Me In takes more of the Charlie Brown approach. We briefly see his mother (now the clear alcoholic of the group) while his father remains a voice on the phone. Since this is a film about children, it works quite well.

What works best, however, are the performances of Moretz and Smit-McPhee, two wiser-than-their-years child actors who play their roles with such perfect restraint. As Owen, McPhee is like a mouse on a tightrope, so quietly frightened by virtually everything around him until one day, there’s something that can give him strength. Though his Owen never channels quite the same darkness as Alfredson’s version of Oskar, the relationship with Abby remains weirdly wonderful, filled with puppy love and the need for safety.

Let Me In is a fine film, well written, wonderfully acted, and beautifully shot. Is it better than Alfredson’s? I don’t think so, but it stands strong on its own merits. My only real complaint is that, as someone who has read the novel and seen the original film several times, I wish Reeves took a few more chances with bringing his own take to the story and look. Though he does cut out a lot of peripheral characters (mostly Oskar’s middle aged neighbors), the script itself is close to the other film that someone TOO familiar with the material may find themselves constantly trying to spot the differences. The Father’s garbage bag murder uniform will stand out, more because it was new than because it was creepy (though in fairness, it was creepy). 

Perhaps this bothers me more for my love of great adaptations than any devil’s advocate addiction I harness towards defending the idea of remakes (I know, remakes brought me It’s Alive ’09, but they also brought us The Thing and The Fly). I love a film that brings new life to a novel--The Sweet Hereafter, Election, Children of Men, to name a few--and I was truly hoping Reeves would do the same with Lindqvist’s work. He doesn’t, but that doesn’t necessarily spell doom for Let Me In. It just means I’m not quite as pleased as I was hoping to be.

High Points

A car accident is staged with some interesting and effective innovation. We've seen plenty of flipovers, but Reeves puts it in a new perspective (literally) that is both disorienting and weirdly scary

A minor spoiler, in terms of detail:

There’s a rather perfect moment in Abby’s apartment where Owen finds an old sepia photograph of her and what must be a young--probably just a few years older than Owen--version of “The Father.” Nothing needs to be said, but The Father/Abby’s history is instantly written on Owen’s face with what must be fear of his possible future. Those who have already seen Let the Right One In were most likely left with that haunting question of ‘what happens now?’, and this one quick scene spells it out perfectly

Low Points

Although the score (composed by Lost superstar Michael Giacchino) is quite good, the music in general feels overused, playing far too audibly in the background of several understated scenes

Middle Ground

I’m torn on the use of CGI in Abby’s vampiric attacks. On one hand, I love that the sped-up movement made her into a true monster and something animal, but on the other, I always rate CGI on whether or not, as I was watching it, it LOOKED like CGI and you know what? it looked like CGI

Lessons Learned

In the 1980s, Now & Later candy had a super catchy jingle

Cinematic bullies are more than just jerks; they're vengeful sociopaths with less morality than Jeffrey Dahmer, C. Montgomery Burns, or Bugs Bunny

1980s New Mexico looked an awful lot like 1980s Sweden, straight down to the train interiors and sparsely furnished vampire lairs

See/Skip/Sneak In

I recommend Let Me In, providing you can get to a theater not visited by high schoolers or general idiots. It’s a beautiful and occasionally scary film that works well on the big screen, one that lets you jump, listen, cringe, and smile. Is it the unique film treatment I was hoping for? Not really, but that shouldn’t necessarily deter a viewing. You might be fine waiting for the DVD (since lead time on that is now what, 3 weeks? Crazy changing marketplace) but if you’re a multiplex fan, you could certainly do worse than sitting back for some poetic vampire action.