Monday, February 12, 2018

Tiny Living, Big Killing


When future generations look back upon this time, I'm sure they'll find a lot of cultural choices to make them scratch their heads. Sure, electing a sociopath buffoon and enjoying entertainment scored with laugh tracks will undoubtedly make the cut, but let's not forget one of the stranger trends of the aughts: tiny houses.


Leave it to the Lifetime Network to make the first horror movie out of it.

Quick Plot: Samantha is a landscape artist happily married to Kyle, a builder who runs his business with best friend Mark. Their relationship becomes strained by a miscarriage and some fertility issues, leading Kyle to storm out the door and clear his head via the one thing he finds relaxing: coast climbing.


In a world where people drool over the cuteness of 300 square feet, coast climbing is apparently a common stress-relieving activity.

Kyle disappears, presumably down the coast that he was, you know, climbing. A mournful Samantha retreats to Kyle's last project, a tiny home development isolated deep in the mountains. Before long, Samantha senses sinister forces at play. Poisonous spiders show up in her bedroom, knives fly past her head to the magnetic space-saving pot holder gifted by her supportive sister, and a creepy baby doll shows up with an ominous message. 


The suspect list mounts in that very paranoid Lifetime way. Could it be the friendly, bearded hipster who lives down the mountain? Mark and/or his wife? Samantha's caring sister? Or, considering Samantha has dramatically thrown her depression medication away, are all of these seemingly hostile acts merely figments of her lonely imagination?


Tiny House of Terror is directed by TV veteran Paul Shapiro with all of the Instagram filtered lighting you need to make it feel of its time. Samantha is sympathetic enough for a millennial widow, and the film's mystery is rewardingly solved with a bonkers climax. 

Hight Points
I won't get into spoiler territory, but the reveal is pretty kooky in that ridiculous way that only Lifetime can deliver

Low Points
The film's treatment of anxiety and depression is, to put it mildly, a pile of crap


Lessons Learned
Surviving a series of life-threatening acts will do wonders for your fertility

A true sign of the times: never delete texts from your loved one. In an age where voicemail is on its way out, that last emoji-filled message might just be the closest you'll come to hearing your late partner's "voice" again

When a soul-crushing darkness overcomes you, it's probably not the best idea to toss out your anxiety pills 


Rent/Bury/Buy
Tiny House of Terror is probably airing on your local Lifetime or LMN network during the next Trendy Home Killer marathons. It's not particularly worth seeking out, but if it shows up on your TV screen, it's certainly not the worst way to kill 90 minutes of your time. The twist is rewardingly wacky, and some of the random spurts of horror have that just over-the-top enough feel to make this one stick.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Let's Get Ready To Evil


We couldn't have a Shortening without at least one evil child flick, right?

Quick Plot: Fearing the youth of America is falling too far behind their more ambitious peers, a private tech country sets up a learning academy for the most gifted pre-teens in the near future. The school itself is buried deep in the bottom floors of a sprawling facility and run primarily via computerized educational tools, with no need for fallible humans in the teacher roles. Instead, three twentysomethings (eager Jenny, groovy Tiggs, and bad boy/self-proclaimed genius Darby) take on the new role as caretakers, merely supervising the kids to ensure they stay in bed and move from one class to the next.


This fancy new school is so elite that its occupants can only see with the help of souped up glasses that connect them to the technological workings of their surroundings. Also on board is ARIAL (it stands for some kind of Siri-esque function), a chipper virtual assistant designed to help the intellectually outmatched aides in their daily activities. 


You don't have to be as smart as the subjects to guess that locking super genius children in a sealed underground ward just might lead to some murderous chaos. As our three young adults try to evade their violent charges, we the audience watch it all unfold via their enhanced goggle vision.


Directed by Martin Owen (with a script by Owen, Jonathan Willis, and Elizabeth Morris, who also plays Jenny), Let's Be Evil follows the welcome format of IFC Midnight produced films with a brief 80ish minute run time. Since this is such a small, focused tale, it makes sense.

It also helps because one can only take eyeglass camera vision so long before it becomes a tad annoying.

As anyone who's ever stopped by this site knows, I'm an easy mark for a killer kid film. Maybe that's why Let's Be Evil worked for me. The visual style keeps things fresh enough, and the fact that we're literally in the dark on what's going on with the children works well. The leads don't get enough time to be interesting or overly compelling, but in their brief screentime, the story keeps everything engaging enough.

High Points
You have to give credit to a film that tells an age old tale with a new style


Low Points
I like to think I'm smart enough to get most of the plotting in modern horror, but it's been several days of thinking and I still can't figure out the exact significance of the opening and closing frame



Lessons Learned
Perhaps any school that's willing to hire caretakers with criminal records isn't going to be the safest work environment




Strong sensible people don’t put sugar in their coffee

In the near future, young men will be fashioning themselves akin to Max's jerky stepbrother in Stranger Things



Rent/Bury/Buy
This is the sort of case where I know I enjoyed a film more than the average viewer. Let's Be Evil has plenty of problems from a production and storytelling point of view, but it comes with a fresh approach and doesn't waste time turning into a hunt. It's not for everyone, but if evil children in a high-tech (but low budget) sounds intriguing, give it a go via Instant Watch.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Welcome to the Shortening!

It's February! 


Which is hardly exciting for anyone.



Unless you're a dog who really likes brushing his teeth. Or, more likely, you dig short things.




That's right: it's the 8th Annual Shortening, a monthly celebration covering films that deal with vertically challenged villains. 

Kids, dolls, houses (go with it), bugs. You get the drift. Any questions?


Yes, all are more than welcome to participate. If you have a blog or podcast and cover anything short-centric this month, simply shoot an email over to deadlydollshouse at gmail.com with your link. Be sure to include a link to this here site and we're partners in crime.


See you soon!