Wednesday, February 26, 2014

The Curse of the Shortening

Thwarted, once again. 

Let me tell you folks, I had some grand big but-not-in-a-vertical-way plans for this month, yet once again, the hustle and bustle of the real world (minus Puck) reared its head to complicate my February coverage.

Also, there was a kitten.

No, concerned Animal Hoarders viewers with the call-in number on speed dial, I did not bring this adorable little feline into the already crowded 4-cats, 2-people apartment I call home. But I did find this little fella squatting in my apartment building hallway on a cold winter's night, which led to a few days of converting my bathroom into a highly secure foster home undetectable to the rest of the brood. Perhaps it was fitting that my real-life February would be crashed by a tiny yet mighty creature. But it was still a tad inconvenient.

Also, I won't lie (mostly for fear of being karmically repaid/punished in the style of last year's most terrifying February entry, Roberto Benigni's Pinocchio): I like the Olympics. A. Lot.

Sochi strays, opening pomp, Bob Costas' eyeballs bravely fighting a losing battle to that smarmy and sneaky Matt Lauer and his presumed conjunctivitis planting, and most of all, A TERRIFYINGLY ICY RUSSIAN PRODIGY DOUBLE AXELING WITHOUT IRONY TO THE THEME FROM SCHINDLER'S LIST.

Not to mention the glory of Pairs fashion, shockingly outdoing the typically Vogue: Slovakia caliber of Ice Dancing dresses.

Anyway, my point is that I just didn't get to go the distance I was hoping for this month, but that's what fellow bloggers are for!  Thankfully, good pal Elwood Jones of From the Depths of DVD Hell picked up some slack with a few Shortening-minded reviews. Check 'em out!

Curse of Chucky
Piranha 3DD
The Brood

Want more? Head on yonder to Pearce's Horror Movie Reviews for his thoughts on one of the hallmarks of '80s Shortenings, Ghoulies. Because you can never have too much of a little thing!

As always, we'll be back shortly with some less specially small tales of horror. Until then, stand tall!


  1. So, due to Australian heat and me marathon-ing Elementary, I haven't gotten any Shortening reviews up yet, but there will be soon. Included will be such things as not-killer killer frogs, 'Superman' vs evil zombie scorpions, killer kitchen appliances, etc.!

    Also, would a movie qualify for the shortening by being just fifty minutes long?

    1. Zombie scorpions? Why don't I have these in my life now?

      I often debate the 'short movie, shortening-worth?' eligibility question. I feel like it needs to be put before a committee and debated with grand rhetoric.

    2. Hey Emily, here are the links to my Shortening reviews. One's a little late, but hey, March the 1st is still February, isn't it?...

  2. February was the cruelest month, but I finally Shortened. Too bad Ghoulies was nowhere near as much fun as I wanted it to be.

    1. Whoohoo to being Shortened! Boohoo to being Ghoulied!

  3. How did things turn out for the little kitten?

    1. Good! I found a nice neighbor who actually had a pair of kitty brothers, one of whom passed away recently. We're hoping the little guy will make a good baby brother to the survivor.