We're quickly approaching another anniversary here at the Doll's House, which means we continue our FIFTEENTH annual compilation of some of our favorite Lessons Learned this past year. Take out your notes and get studying!
Sensory Details
Evil doll activity smells quite a bit like very bad farts — The Doll
Skincare Is Self Care
If your lover mistakes a snake for your caressing hands, it's probably a note to moisturize more often — Vipers
Having a fresh face makes it easier to connect with your body -- Sissy
Old men should always remember sunblock — You Should Have Left
The Laws of Man & Morals
Removing a body from a cemetery is both illegal AND sacrilegious — Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge
The Dos & Don’ts (actually, just don’ts) of Flirting
Trust me: sisters do not ever want to have a threesome with you— House of Darkness
Fatherly and flirty is not the sexy combination you think it is — Bad Things
Pushing a fully clothed woman into a hot tub is only acceptable if rain is in the forecast — As the Village Sleeps
The Art of Self Defense
Guns are powerful, but have you ever tried just heating up a bottle of vegetable oil? — Jackals
When trying to escape from a violent man, the best exit is to run straight into his chest — The 7th Hunt
Never underestimate a former Girl Scout — Influencer
Introduction to Filmmaking
Nothing helps to meet that runtime more effectively than a montage taken seriously — House of 9
Nothing moves a plot faster than a need for insulin — Deadly Games
When in doubt, send in Max Von Sydow — Citizen X
There is an endless selection of mildly creepy cartoons available through the public domain
New Jobs for Old Materials
Cling wrap is a broken leg's best friend — Sick
Duct tape: don't babysit without it -- Better Watch Out
Handy Tips for Home Owners
Bears can't break through bulletproof windows — The Girl In Cabin 13
Dungeons do not officially count towards the square footage of a home on a standard real estate listing — Barbarian
America: Land of Diversity
Gasoline works differently in the midwest — Children of the Corn 2023
Illinois teenagers have great memories when it comes to 3rd grade science lessons, but terrible instincts when it comes to understanding the very concept of time — Munger Road
People in LA are far less patronizing than those in Oregon — Bit
When dining in Texas, avoid eating oysters in bulk — Quicksand
Parenting for Dummies
Selling weed is one way to pay child support — #HoldYourBreath
Little Known Facts About Interior Design
Yes, the eyeball of any creepy painting is always watching you. Just accept it— Kadaver
Med School: Year One
Medication is great and all but have you ever just tried tickling to reduce panic attacks? — Nocebo
The ethics of sleep study doctor/patient relationships are, to say the least, muddy — Come True
C-sections are pretty intuitive operations for non-medical professionals, even in the middle of a forest during a blizzard — Snow White: A Tale of Terror
Fun & Games
You don't have to be a dysfunctional family to be further divided by a game of Scrabble — The Strays
Predictions for a Better Tomorrow
The future may be a dark place where doctors misdiagnose patients without any consequence, but at least we can take comfort in knowing that not only are there multiple variations of nachos, there's also a lot of haunted house-set porn — Dual
A viral apocalypse is no reason to let your hair lose its bounce — Patient Zero
In & Around the Education System
The higher the school spirit, the better the bake sale — Disturbing Behavior
When your career takes a downturn, your alma mater may downgrade your status from "Harvard alum" to "former Harvard graduate" — Down
You can do a lot of bad things at a frat party, but spilling beer on angora is an unforgivable offense — Decoys
Grad students aren't supposed to be good-looking — Decoys 2: The Second Seduction
No frat party is complete without a fresh vegetable spread — One Missed Call
People, People Who Need People
Nothing is less pleasant than an obsessive coder — Escape the Field
Fashion Forever
When planning a robbery, always wear comfortable athletic clothes (you know, in case the tables are turned and you're left playing the most dangerous game) — Hounded
Bullet-proof vests don't fit well under Miracle Bras — Copycat
Wearing a sweatshirt is a sign of weakness — Resurrection
School for the Obvious
Details matter in every act of creation, whether you're writing a song or sewing a creepy doll — The Follower
Crazy idea, I know, but hear me out: if you discover a gooey glowing substance eating away at many layers of metal, perhaps the best course of action is not to touch it — Sea Fever
Science!
The dirtier your research facilities, the more revolutionary the research — Breeder
The Opposite of Science!
The bigger the curse, the better the flowers — Offseason
Food & Beverage Adjacent
Poisonous berries don't taste much worse than power bars — The Aviary
A good detective never wastes a half-eaten banana — Death Count
The first taste of moonshine is never good, but keep going and the chest hair will grow — In the Year 2889
Don't knock eating placenta until, well, you're starving and have nothing to eat but placenta
— Centigrade
There are few ways to die that are sadder than doing so in the middle of boiling frozen hot dogs
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