Showing posts with label bruce davison. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bruce davison. Show all posts

Monday, August 12, 2024

Night of the Senior Living

 


Following the string of hot but horrible twentysomethings-in-terror movies I've watched as of late, nothing was more welcome than a story about seniors. Sadly the selection is slim, but thankfully, also very mighty. 

Quick Plot: Retired ballet instructor Judith (the always splendid Barbara Hershey) celebrates her 70th birthday surrounded by family and former students, happily embracing her golden years only to collapse. Though mentally and physically fit, Parkinson's is beginning to take a toll, leaving the widowed Judith to book herself new residency at a senior living facility.


Her distant daughter supports the move, though teen grandson Josh is devastated. Judith practically raised the boy, and their connection runs deep. 


At first, Judith's new digs seem less than ideal, but livable. Her roommate is nearly catatonic, but a pleasant nurse helps lead her to the in-crowd: sassy Ruth (the late Fran Bennett) and Trish (The Taking of Deborah Logan's Jill Larson), and catch of the nursing home, Roland (my silver fox Bruce Davison). Much like a college theater department, an available, viable straight male probably does well in a nursing home environment. 


It's not quite enough to please Judith, especially as residents seem to start dying off in rapid succession. Judith begins to have wild incidences at night, brushed off as nightmares that can be cured with sedatives by the staff. Even her beloved Josh has a hard time believing her when the facility's doctor shows evidence of Judith's own health declining.


This being a horror movie, we all side with Judith, and it's nearly impossible not to with Hershey's performance. How divine to see an actor like her in this role. Judith is, and the script acknowledges, far more spry than most of her age bracket, but this is still a story that embraces what it means to age. 

The Manor is written and directed by Axelle Carolyn, someone who has steadily been building a career in the genre. I haven't loved some of her output (her flashback episode of The Haunting of Bly Manor felt like a big tonal misfire) but The Manor is genuinely excellent, and a hugely exciting sign of what she can do. Despite being about senior citizens, it feels incredibly fresh in its approach and deeply satisfying in execution. What a pleasure. 



High Points
I won't spoil the delicious ending, but it was incredibly satisfying in a way I didn't see coming

Low Points
The Manor has a very small scale, which makes sense once you understand it was part of Amazon's "Welcome to the Blumhouse" series. Much like Hulu's Into the Dark, these are lower-budget, shorter running length films. I get the sense that The Manor could have been even more effective in terms of its gothic tone with a few more bucks behind it



Lessons Learned
I'm a cat person and can't imagine life without the feline monsters, but maybe, just MAYBE, they're not the best animals to have on staff at a nursing home

One must earn the ability to use bad language


No one can live long enough to deserve the horrors of a children's choir

Rent/Bury/Buy
At a spry 90 minutes, The Manor is the perfect Sunday morning spooky watch. It won't necessarily give you nightmares, but it taps into something very deep regarding aging, while also maintaining a grand sense of fun. Have a watch on Amazon Prime. 

Monday, October 30, 2023

Road Under Construction

As someone who devoured the Game of Thrones novels only to sadly come to accept the fact that George R.R. Martin was now bored of writing them and had no actual plans to finish his story on the page, I know the heartbreak of an incomplete tale. 

This is important information for today's film. 

Quick Plot: St. Charles is a quiet little town, one so small that it only employs two men on its police department despite having a history of serial killings and a major scarecrow festival coming up (don't get too excited...about anything, really).


High schooler (sure) Joe is moody, probably because she's been keeping a positive pregnancy test in her purse. Side note: a positive pregnancy test is something you pee on. Generally, it seems like poor hygiene to store it loosely next to your chapstick and wallet.

Anyhoo, Joe reluctantly agrees to boyfriend Corey's experimental double date with pals Rachael and Joe. The girls would be happy for something low key, but the boys have more ambitious plans: driving to the titular Munger Road in the hopes that they can capture ghost activity on camera. 


Meanwhile, Chief Kirkhoven and his loyal Deputy Hendricks are busy on the trail of escaped child murderer Father Shea Gunther. Through the slowest, least efficient investigation possible, they stumble on underground tunnels and bones, but no homicidal former priest. Could it be because he's busy messing with the teenagers' car up on Munger Road?


Maybe? Here's the wild thing about this movie, thus far the sole release from writer/director Nicholas Smith: IT'S INCOMPLETE.

At the risk of spoiling something that I don't know if it's fair to actually call a film, Munger Road ends with a literal "TO BE CONTINUED." We don't know who's really dead, who really killed them, or, perhaps more importantly, WHO'S GONNA WIN THE SCARECROW FESTIVAL.


Also, what IS a scarecrow festival?

Sigh. I never enjoy beating on a low budget film, especially when it's clear the project was done with heart. Smith creates some good atmosphere within certain sequences, including a great transition in camera perspective during one of the movie's found footage shots. 


But to what end? Munger Road 2 apparently never found the funding it needed, so 12 years in and we're left with an unfinished 90 minute story that offers absolutely no satisfaction.

And worse, no scarecrows.

High Points
Watching Bruce Davison twirl a shotgun around like a second string member of a middle school color guard troop gave me an epiphone: I wish he would star in more bad movies. I mean this as an incredibly sincere compliment. He has such an immediately comforting AND comfortable presence onscreen in virtually any material, making it easy for an audience to be invested. More bad movies could benefit from him on the cast list


Low Points
TO BE CONTINUED

Lessons Learned
Illinois teenagers have great memories when it comes to 3rd grade science lessons, but terrible instincts when it comes to understanding the very concept of time

Never enter a church with a shotgun

There may indeed be a difference between telling someone she's acting like a bitch and actually calling her a bitch, but dudes, trust me: she doesn't want to hear it, and you're wrong for having said it in the first place



Rent/Bury/Buy
Someone needs to warn viewers that they're not watching Munger Road: they're watching Munger Road: Part 1 (2 Pending Production, Proceed At Your Own Risk). Fine, that title is probably a little mouthy, but at least it's honest! So yes, obviously, I do not recommend this movie unless you have some masochist satisfaction from not being satisfied. You do you. 

Monday, April 30, 2018

I Spit On Your Robot



A rule of thumb: any film that mixes fonts in its title credits is not playing a straightforward game.


Strap in.

Quick Plot: Steel and Lace opens on what usually would be the 42 minute mark of a Law & Order: SVU episode, wherein a pretty young pianist named Gaily watches her yuppie rapist and his white collar enablers be found not guilty. A good SVU episode would use the remaining 18 minutes for some vigilante justice, perhaps involving Elliot Stabler looking the other way while Olivia urges the victim to find peace from within.


A great movie incorporates sexy robots. 


Gaily can't take the strain, leaping off the courthouse building while her loving brother Albert (Bruce Davison) watches in horror. Five years later, those involved in the case have moved on. Ponytailed rapist Daniel Emerson (Broadway's Michael Cerveris) has continued to grow his real estate empire, with his four accomplices installed as the kind of vice presidents primarily utilized to shake senior citizens down in order to build mini malls on their property. 

After a particularly cruel buyout, one of Emerson's pals experiences car trouble. When a beautiful, scantily clad blond offers him a lift to the nearest sex motel, Steel and Lace takes the most beautiful turn you can ever hope for from a film: the scantily clad blond tears her robot face off to reveal A SECOND robot face, this one of Gaily. With a propeller shooting from her chest to tear her tormentor apart, justice reigns. 


It. Is. Glorious.

AND, it doesn't stop there. The next Emerson groupie meets up with a tall and strapping federal agent who pulls a Fear No Evil breast reveal that then--you guessed it--changes his robot body to that of Gaily. 


Look, I know you think you're living your life the right way, but if you haven't experienced robot shapeshifting, do you even know the wonders this world has to offer?


I haven't even touched upon the fashion, which proves once and for all that while the '80s might get all the press, it's the very early '90s where the combination of giant hair, neon skirts, and oversized jackets with a print of dogs playing poker truly changed the world.


In case you haven't figured it out, Steel and Lace is a damn high recommend. 

This is the kind of movie that casts a sexy court sketch artist as its heroine, has her ex-boyfriend (David Naughton!) essentially be pimped out to her by his captain. Director Ernest Farino has worked steadily in the visual effects field, but by golly, this

THIS

is clearly his masterpiece. 


High Points
Aside from the grandness of, you know, the kind of movie wear a robot wears multiple masks, Steel and Lace has some genuinely funny moments, particularly in the slimy camaraderie of our villains who play things off with a perfect balance of comic timing


Just when you think you've seen perfection, Steel and Lace tosses in a dummy death for good measure

Low Points
This might sound very wrong, but there are clearly some strange incestuous undertones to Davison's relationship with his sister, and considering just how far this film goes elsewhere, it almost feels coy to not push that a tad further


Lessons Learned
A good artist knows to trace a notepad with pencil in order to reveal the last page torn off, but a great one's pencil reveals the note before it even touches the paper

Stay informed by joining the Southern California adult hotel mailing list


There are no decent restaurants within 2 miles of Capitol Records

The Winning Line
"Don't call me Clippy."
As someone who used Microsoft Word in the early 2000s, I get it

The Winning Score
I need this soundtrack yesterday

Rent/Bury/Buy
Amazon Prime's genre film selection continues to make life worth living. Steel and Lace is bonkers in the best of ways. Get on it.