I Liked The Hunger Games. Wanna Fight About It?

According to the rules, there can only be one winner, but that doesn't mean we can't have multiple pieces of film and literature following sadistic reality television programs that pit civilian against civilian in hand-to-hand combat to the death. As The Hunger Games feasts its way through box office records, I'm noticing an irksome fanboy retaliation against a franchise-in-the-making, as if Suzanne Collins were Stephanie Meyers' pedicure buddy. I found Gary Ross's film to be thoroughly enjoyable and when placed in the larger context of its audience, extremely refreshing.

Stop looking at me like that! I saw The Running Man in the theaters when I was FIVE YEARS OLD! I was hyping Series 7: The Contenders before Jeff Probst hosted VH1’s Music Jeopardy. I have watched, read, written about, and invented games for my current ninth favorite film of all time, Battle Royale. In no way does The Hunger Games come close to nipping at its schoolgirl kneesocks.

But for those of you who don't know, I'm something of a cockeyed optimist when it comes to movies. I don't like hating things, and not just because I was raised to not use the word 'hate' at home (we replaced it with loath, which is actually stronger but sounds more elegant). I want to believe in the future of cinema, I want to know that there are original artists out there with brilliance in their path, and heck, even that the occasional unnecessary remake can be handled with cleverness, originality, and understanding. 

Wait, what does that have to do with The Hunger Games again?

Right, genre fanboy snobbery. It’s so negative.

Look folks, The Hunger Games ain’t Battle Royale. It’s a PG-13 rated (but harsh one at that) adaptation of a juggernaut young adult novel primarily aimed at females in the eighth grade. 

And you know what? I think that’s awesome. I think it’s positively spectacular that the most popular teen literature of the day is a dark ride into a terrifying, morbidly fascinating future featuring a powerful female lead. The movie isn’t without its flaws (hey Woody, hope you have enough minutes left on your bill to phone that performance in), but I can think of at least 7 reasons why I rather dug it:

  

1. Further evidence that one should never eff with Isabelle Fuhrman

Don’t you wonder how Jodelle Ferland feels about that OTHER brunette child actress-turned-teen who specializes in playing sociopaths...and playing them better. I dare anyone to pit the blander than rice cakes Case 39 against the trashtacular Orphan. Come now, that’s like betting on the wimpy curly haired kid over the brute from District 1! Or, I don’t know, Ferland’s supporting vampire in Twilight 3 to Fuhrman’s KNIFE THROWING BADASS Clove in The Hunger Games. 

And before you say it, yes, I was happy to see the young Ferland get some decent work in Cabin In the Woods. But it’s rare that I could watch a 15-year-old girl HURL KNIVES and believe it. You can be my cat’s laser pointer that I will never piss off Isabelle Fuhrman. 

2. Not the genetically manipulated bees!

True, The Hunger Games has nothing on Battle Royale’s machetes, axes, crossbows, uzis, or pocket knife deaths but you know what it DOES have? Killer bee thingies. That's groovy, right?

3. Slaughter in 17 seconds

Let me explain something to you: I find the idea of hand-to-hand combat-to-the-death incredibly disturbing. Part of it is my own lack of coordinative abilities, and the rest stems from the simple truth that stabbing or choking a person a person two inches from my own face is simply horrifying on the very most primal of levels. That in itself is probably why these kinds of desperation murder stories make me so uncomfortable. As those pedestal pods rise up for the arena’s opening ceremonies, the threat becomes real: these children are going to have to kill each other with whatever tools are at hand, most of which are muscles or knives. Sure, we don’t SEE much in the PG-13 rating, but implied horror is there, particularly when we get quick glances at scrawny 12-year-olds before never seeing them again...

Because Orphan has knifed them to death.

4. It will forever make Project Runway Innovation Challenges way more intense

Sure, Heidi Klum's fashion-obsessed, quip-forcing slaves have been forced to create beautiful clothing out of garbage, candy, and car parts, but even setting aside the recent all-star blacklight challenge, none of the Project Runway contestants have come close to putting live fire on their scrawny model cutlets. Now that Katniss and Peeta blazed that trail (hehe, pun!), how can future contestants with artificial names and distracting jewelry DARE to play it safe?

5. The Future 1% In Fluorescent

I’m not about to fumble through a political interpretation of the universe created by author Suzanne Collins. I’ll leave that to high school English teachers who should be excited to get their students’ hands on a decently written book that they’ll actually WANT to read. 

Collins and Ross’ universe isn’t the most imaginative place created in literature. It’s a 1984 inspired society that bares a reference to The Lottery, Survivor, The Long Walk, and plenty other sources. But hey: it’s well-crafted and relevant, no matter how simple it is. More importantly, it means we get fashion like this:

So quitcher complaining

6. Best. Facial Hair. Ever.

‘Nuff said

7. It’s not Twilight

What, was that a low blow? Please. Any parent who's been wondering why their daughter has taken to wearing a permanent flannel and fartface should consider the odds forever in their favor if said teen is now braiding her hair and taking up archery. As I've explained before and again, Twilight isn't just bad cinema: it's dangerous. In no way do I believe in the burning of books, but if a local brushfire just so happened to wander into Little, Brown and Company’s warehouse, the future of feminism might be grateful.

See, Katniss, as played exactly like Ree Dolly in the magnificent Winter's Bone by Jennifer Lawrence again, is an admirable heroine. She fights. She thinks. She takes care of herself and actually cares about others. Remember my favorite scene in Twilight 2, where Bella and Edward sauntered past a line of tourists about to be unknowingly devoured by Italian vampires? Bella looked mildlly concerned, but Edward's simple "Move on" had her seeing the sunlight while the audience caught a sample of screaming civilians. Yeah, that's someone to look up to.

One of the main reasons The Hunger Games has (forgive the pun) caught fire with a young audience is, I hope, because Katniss Everdeen is the kind of literary narrator young women want to be, like Nancy Drew, Scout Finch, Cathy Dollanger, Elphaba or a founding member of The Babysitter’s Club (with the exception of Mary Anne; grow a pair girl). In Collins' writing, Katniss is even funny and sarcastic, something that doesn't quite translate on film. I forgive that because, you know, girlfriend is fighting for her life from the likes of these people:

Look: The Hunger Games isn't perfect. It's not necessarily ground-breaking. And yes, it's now become as mainstream as Bella Swan moaning about not being understood. But just because something is popular does not mean that it's not good, or entertaining, or simply much smarter and scarier than legions of pessimists want you to believe. 


Now if you'll excuse me, I have this Pavlovian condition that requires I pop in my Running Man Blu Ray anytime the title comes up in conversation. I'll be back.

Big Brother Is Hunting You (because you asked him to)

Gameshow horror is a subgenre I rarely don’t enjoy. Sure, it’s seen some horrific misfires (Halloween: Resurrection) but there’s something always intriguing about the mundane competition typically watched by pension-collecting grandmothers being subverted by dystopian elements and over-the-top homicidal maniacs.

Slashers initially piqued my interest for its writer-director (and producer and editor and most likely, caterer) Maurice Devereaux, the Canadian filmmaker who blew me away with End of the Line . When I discovered his 2001 comedic bloodbath was about a violently extreme Japanese gameshow featuring actual killers hacking up wannabe stars, I was sold.

Quick Plot: Six silly Americans with adorable Canadian accents sign up for Slashers!, Japan’s version of voluntary Running Man. The game is simple: survive a few hours being chased by charismatic psychos and win $18 million dollars.

Easy, right? Well, easier than Survivor or Series 7, but no walk in the artificial warehouse park. The villains are presented as WWF-like bad guys, ridiculous caricatures designed to inspire catchphrases and sell t-shirts. Preacherman slithers around with a Jigsaw-like mask and well-recited scripture. The Doctor giggles (though sadly doesn’t have the name Dr. Giggles) and cuts women’s tops off (leading to one female character having more costume changes than Madonna’s Evita) and most memorably, Chainsaw Charlie hunts with the face of A.E. Newman, the voice of George W. Bush, and the hair of Carrot Top (actually, combine those three things with Satan’s urine and you do indeed have Carrot Top).

The trio of murderers chases a typical batch of rather obnoxious money/fame mongers who do little to garner much audience sympathy. A muscle-popping boxer fares the best, while our lead law student with an agenda tries our patience. Nobody really matters, as this is satire at its meanest, far more concerned with lampooning our greed and boob-tube obsessions than telling a heroic saga of a plucky final girl.

Filmed in 2001, Slashers! is a product of the reality TV dynasty and though it doesn’t quite capture the everyone’s-a-killer charm of Series 7, this is tasty enough candy bar of a horror comedy treat. Not all the jokes fly, but from the skull pop-poms wielded by Slashers! dancers to the slippery practicality of a guts-covered ground, it’s good and gross fun at its low budget best.

High Points

It’s refreshing to see homemade practical effects, even if they occasionally feel like a first-year midterm for Savini University

Reality programs are only as good as their villains, and the trio here are quite enjoyable

Low Points

Bless them for giving full energy, but the performances of the “American” contestants are pretty damn grating

Between heavily masked characters, Japanese actors speaking broken English, and the lack of subtitles, some of Slashers’ dialog is near inaudible

Lessons Learned

It figures that a plastic clown would carry a plastic knife

When your body is severed from its lower half via chainsaw, the effect is very pinatic

Letting a chainsaw ‘rest for awhile’ won’t make it work later

Rent/Bury/Buy

I thoroughly enjoyed Slashers! but its low budget execution and amateur performances are in no way going to please the masses. Fans of End of the Line will find a completely different film here, as the horror comedy approach spares no punning or bite of bad taste. It’s a recommended rental for those who know they won’t be watching a clearly defined genre film, and those who like it will be brought to special feature orgasm by the loaded DVD, complete with a commentary, hourlong documentary, and a bevy of original features (“Beneath the Actor’s Studio”’s interview with Chainsaw Charlie was a personal favorite). I give fair warning that this is a divisive film nobody will really LOVE, but will humbly accept your thanks if and when you find it a good time.