Raid!

I don’t really support the practice of mail order brides, but perhaps I’m a hypocrite because here’s the thing: when I hear the words “Big Bug Movie,” my first reaction is, plain and simple, marry me.

Ponder that while I get rolling with today’s feature, Kyle Rankin’s 2009 bugapalooza, Infestation.

Quick Plot: A slacker named Cooper (Chris Marquette) is about to be fired from his tedious telemarketing job selling organic Viagra. Just when he thinks his day couldn’t get any worse, a loud dog whistle sounds, putting the population to sleep until they wake up a few days later wrapped in Halloween spider webbing--er, mysterious cocoons. After a little pukage and disorientation, Cooper catches sight of some hostile bugs of the crawling and flying sort. 

After waking up an assorted selection of fodder--er, survivors, Cooper & Co. do as you do during a Mist-y apocalypse. Hide out and hit on the cute doctor. Take up smoking. Board up a bank. Amass goo samples and count on the plucky masseuse to analyze protein content. Leave on a journey to a maybe-bomb shelter, the usual.

Infestation is cinema’s equivalent of a cupcake. Small, not so incredible that you’ll never forget it, but an overall more-than-pleasant experience that puts a smile on your face with each bite. The film was clearly made from a place of affection, with a light spirit that lets its characters be genuinely likable without cloying. The violence has a certain Eight Legged Freaks sense about it with a better mixture of blatant (but still above SyFy quality) CGI and some gooey practical effects. Added to that are some fabulous monster designs, including a new twist on arachnids that looks better than anything that slogged through sludgy 3D in the Clash of the Titans remake.

You might say I heartily enjoyed Infestation. 

High Points

While most of the kills have a certain cartoon sense about them, one shotgun blast comes as quite a surprise, with dark undertones that are quickly passed by for the logic of the situation. I’m not explaining it well for fear of spoiling, but perhaps you’ll know it when you see it and you’ll say “Oh yeah, totally.” These are the moments in life I live for

Ray Wise is slowly joining the club of actors who make me happy in supporting roles. As a strict militaristic widowed dad with a softness for shitzus, his brief stop in the film adds a nice touch

Low Points

Perhaps it’s simply because I enjoyed the movie so much that I’m left wondering, “where’d the bugs come from? what’s the government doing?” and more questions such as these.

Lessons Learned

Massage therapists are a CSI show just waiting to happen

Real survivalists pack extra double AAs

Gigantic aphids don’t enjoy being kept in captivity for fluid samples. Fancy that!

Rent/Bury/Buy

While it’s no Starship Troopers, Infestation was a true joy that passed my Saturday afternoon with a genuine smile. The DVD includes a commentary track (which I can’t speak for as time didn’t allow me to listen) and I can see this holding up for casual clean-the-kitchen rewatches to warrant a bargain buy. Let’s hope that it is indeed slated for a sequel (the ending is a tease for it) because it’s certainly a universe of characters, monsters, and style that deserves to be revisited. 

Horror Settings That Naturally Scare

Some places have such natural fear factor, all directors need to do is toss in a few actors, dim the lights, and mix a few unusual sound effects to create a simple and scary horror film. This week at Pop Syndicate, I take a look at a few locations made to inspire nightmares and the movies that made them real.


Take a read and add any films that I'm overlooking. I will confess, my mind is buzzing with the excitement as tonight is my field trip to Fangoria's Fest. I haven't been to a convention since 2004, when Ken Forree's gargantuan handshake almost crushed my stubby little fingers, Betsey Palmer smiled like a kindly grandmother at the fact that I attended with my mom, and I joined the club of fans who have caught major diva attitude from Tom Savini. Tonight, I'm keeping my expectations at a minimum...


mainly because I just rented a new apartment and it seriously needs some decorations. Toy booths and movie posters, here I come!

Jeepers! Jennifer's Creepers

Allow me to start with a totally shallow assertion that has nothing to do with horror but everything to do with my personal jealousy:

Jennifer Connelly has and has always had one of the most fantastic heads of hair in the history of cinema. Possibly mankind.


Seriously. It positively glistens. I thought about digging out those 3D glasses that have been sitting on my nightstand since My Bloody Valentine because the shine was that bright that I needed the shade.


Creepers, aka Phenomena, is a 1985 horror/thriller/mystery by Italy’s favorite hit-or-miss surrealist Dario Argento.  While it never attained the popularity of some of his earlier giallos, it did boast an awfully impressive poster that hung on display in my local video store throughout the late 80s. 


A few years before entering the Labyrinth, Jennifer Connelly played Jennifer Corvino*, the impossibly gorgeous poor little rich girl with a natural kinship to insects, chimpanzees, and a wheelchair-bound Donald Pleasance. While her superstar father is off filming on location, Jennifer is sent to an exclusive yet terribly lax boarding school in a creepy European village ("People call it the Swiss Transylvania." “Why?” "I don't know. They just do.") run by one severe ice queen and a frumpy bee-a-phobe/former Mrs. Argento. Despite her glorious mane and celebrity pedigree, Jennifer has some difficulty making human friends. Perhaps she should stop sleepwalking (a major sign of snobbery, according to the cool kids) and start listening to the Bee Gees, who get a major shout-out from a 14 year old girl who not only sports a Bee Gees t-shirt, but also makes a Bee Gees reference in class, just in case you didn't know that she liked--you guessed it--the Bee Gees.

As we expect from any good Argento heroine, Jennifer finds herself caught up in a violent web of nightmare imagery, slow motion death scenes, and oddly mismatched musical scoring that ranges from 80s metal to electronically mixed opera. (One can't help but wonder how acting against the beats of the band formerly known as Goblin gave Ms. Connelly an edge in fighting creatures known as goblins.)

But back to the story: A creatively violent killer has been hunting teenage girls and while the cops are pretty clueless about how to catch him, they are smart enough to call upon invalid entomologist Pleasance for some pointers on when the murders took place based on corpse worms. He in turn sends the young Jennifer out to investigate along with a sarcophagus fly. Remember how that lovable lug Luto was friends with rocks, so when trouble was brewing he could let out a howl and boulders would come a’rollin? Jennifer has a similar relationship with creepy crawlers, be them stinging wasps or sweet lil ladybugs. As you might guess, this comes in handy more than once, although Argento is skillfully restrained in avoiding insect excess. 

Call it Suspiria: The Middle School Years. Like Argento's best-known classic, there is an eerie Snow White vibe that threads itself throughout the story, from the dark-haired ingenue lost in the woods to a witch's house with its own juicy secrets. I won't go any further for fear of spoiling what is an original film culminating in one of the most bizarre (yet in hindsight, very strongly foreshadowed) climactic end scenes I've seen in some time. Personally, I'm always intrigued when a filmmaker like Argento scales back to tell a smaller, more personal story (similar to George Romero’s Martin). Supposedly Argento has said Creepers one of his favorites, and I can see why: this is an intriguing, teasingly paced film that slowly pulls the audience in and leaves them with a finale that’s somehow simultaneously hysterical, horrifying, and damn adorable.


High Points:
Two very different but most excellent decapitations


Donald Pleasance and Jennifer Connelly, particularly during their shared scenes

One word, two times: Swarm


The entire last 20 minutes


Low Points:
I have a pet peeve regarding 'special guest stars' in films. Since the movie-making process is a temporary thing, isn’t everybody involved a guest? Thus, when the music of Creepers is provided by 'special guests' Iron Maiden, Motorhead, and more, what does that mean? Did they do all their recording on a party boat?

Lessons Learned:
Exclusive private schools in Switzerland are run like reformatories, with forty kids to a desk-less class. Expect sudden outbursts and mass chanting of “Screw the past!” and “Richard Gere!”  to occur during literature lessons.


Insects + 13-year-old girls make fantastic detectives, especially when investigating a violent serial killer known for killing 13 year-old-girls

Sophie is French


Winning Line:
“Please. I’m a foreigner and I’m lost.”


Repeat Offender:
Like many horror films centered around a beautiful woman, this one includes a subplot in which someone is trying to stick her in a mental asylum

Doll Alert:
Patience...a creepy little image starts the beginning of the gloriously Grand Guignol ending.


Rent/Bury/Buy:
Buy: This is included in Mill Creek's Drive-In Classics Pack, but only as the edited American version. My copy clocked in at a mere 83 minutes. The uncut film is out there, with 20 minutes of extra footage (much of it dialogue and plot based) and while I always champion the cheap, I would recommend the investment. Fans of Argento will enjoy his signature style wrapped around a film that is genuinely different; general horror lovers should love the fantastically sublime finale; Jennifer Connelly admirers can be creepily pleased to see she was pretty much always a ridiculously beautiful downer, even as a young teenager. I, on the other hand, continue to envy her even more now that I see she spent her childhood with both Jim Henson and Dario Argento.

*Maybe it's my Long Island experience talking, but the name Jennifer Corvino so does not sound like the virginal maiden Connelly's meant to represent. There's something about the Italian Americanness of it (pronounced in my head in a flat smoker’s voice as ‘Jenifah Cahvino’) that calls to mind a hairdresser with press-on nails and acid-washed jeans. Is it just me?