It's a Tree Baby!

Here at the Deadly’ Doll’s House, we’re an equal opportunity villain establishment. In other words, just because you’re constructed from a tree does not mean you’re not welcomed at February’s Attack of the Vertically Challenged Villains and thusly do I present today’s features, the Czech Republic’s 2000 arthouse hit, Little Otik.

Quick Plot: Karel and Bozena want nothing more than to have a baby, as every watermelon and fish market teases them daily with an impossible pregnancy. On a weekend trip to their wacky neighbors’ cabin in the woods, Karel gets inspired to craft a mock infant out of an unusual tree branch, finding its shape hilarious. Bozena,  much to his surprise, is delighted (and suddenly slightly insane). They finally have a BABY!

Men, be warned: This is what happens when you play a joke on your female partner’s uterus.

Try as he may, Karel can’t convince his wife that their child is, you know, an inanimate piece of bark. The best he can do is persuade her to fake a pregnancy and introduce the newly named baby Otik into the world a few trimesters later. Faster than you can say Pinnochio, Bozena knits some baby bumps, breaks out the pickles and whipped cream, and announces her news to nosy apartment mates.

Chief amongst the neighbors is Alzbetka a precocious little blond obsessed, as it would seem, with obstetrics. Abby (as I’ll now call her because really, Ablkjlkj is hard to write) is instantly suspicious of the infertile couple’s sudden turn in luck, an itch that grows months later when Bozena starts pushing around an always covered baby carriage.

See, Otik does indeed achieve ‘real-boy’ status, but much like Grace, it’s not going to send him into the preschool honor society. He’s hungry, aggressive, and growing treenails every day, eventually reaching Audrey II proportions. His parents do what they can, but once apartment pets and civil servants start disappearing, parental sympathy beings to wane.

The plot of Little Otik isn’t necessarily surprising, but the execution is playful, unique, and truly remarkable. Director Jan Svankmajer has a lot of fun with his quirky but familiar characters, from Abby’s ahead-of-her years preteen to a dirty old man whose pants pop open in adorable stop motion whenever he catches sight up her skirt. The design of Otik is both cute and haunting, while the fairy tale elements (beautifully illustrated with folk-tale-like animated drawings) add another layer of intrigue.

Now the bad news: Little Otik is two hours and six minutes long. Had the film maintained a focus for that running time, this wouldn’t be a problem, but unfortunately, it just...keeps...going. At a certain point, we completely lose our original leads as Abby becomes more prominent. Her character (and performance) is certainly entertaining, but the switch happens so deep into the already dense film that it kind of lost me.

High Points

Svankmajer’s camera is wonderfully used, with interesting angles and even more interesting faces getting full exploration

Low Points

2 hours. And 6 minutes.

Lessons Learned

Tree bark butts get very dry

Much like those hungry Cabbage Patch Kids form the late ‘90s, feeding a tree bark baby will run you the risk of having your ponytail eaten as dessert

If it’s going to be chocolate, it’s got to be Charon

Hey kid, I know you’re eleven and all but if you’re uncomfortable with the ancient neighbor ogling your rear, maybe you should wear a skirt that actually covers it

Rent/Bury/Buy

Little Otik is something genuinely different, a Basket Case-like tale told with a tad more class and visual intrigue. It’s a definite recommend for those fans of tamed surrealism, though the overlong running time might be felt. Still, if there’s one thing the world needs more of, it’s movies on Instant Watch about carnivorous tree babies that eat mailmen and whose downfall is cabbage. That’s written in the bible somewhere, I’m sure.

Don't Feed the Plants

Few things make me happier than discovering a 21st century horror film made well (okay, watching a 1980 cannibalistic martial arts extravaganza is more exciting, but still). The Ruins, a 2008 adaptation of Scott B Smith’s novel, is a wonderful surprise. Dubbed The Killer Plant Movie by the not-so-many that saw it, The Ruins can be classified on the upper tier of the sub-sub genre of postcard pretty tourist horror, sparked by the uneven Hostel and continued with the empty glossiness of films like Turistas.


Quick Plot: Four young Americans (initially appearing to be escapees from an American Eagle catalogue shoot) befriend a strapping German named Mathais (Joe Anderson, the hammer-wielding Max from Across the Universe) while vacationing in Mexico. After a rowdy and raunchy night of drinking, the quintet--accompanied by a token Greek whose very quietness spells expendability--decide to take an excursion to Mayan ruins where Mathias’ brother has been exploring on an archeological dig.

It’s not too long before Very Bad Things begin to happen, not the least of which includes being surrounded by gun-and-arrow-toting, Quechuan-speaking locals. A surprising and grisly first kill drives the cast up an Apocalypto-esque temple while the no nonsense Mayans build a shanty town to keep the young folks terrified and trapped.

As the poster art shows, there is indeed vicious vinery to be found upon that hill, including bratty little flowers that are all too happy to mock you when you’re down. What makes The Ruins such a powerful film, however, is that the greenery is only the starting seed of the terror. Sure, it sets up our young and beautiful cast for a few genuine supernatural (or maybe superorganic) scares, but the real horror comes from watching these friends and lovers caught in a hellish and inescapable situation. Yes, a literal thorn in your side sucks, but it’s the murderous locals, limited water supply, poor cell phone service, and growing suspicions amongst friends that truly rustle the sheltered lives of our vacationers.

High Points
Despite the overprettiness of the cast, the roles are not nearly as stereotypical as one would expect from this kind of a film; even though she’s blonde and briefly naked, Laura Ramsey’s Stacy is not a token slutty bombshell. Likewise, even though she’s brunette and fully clothed, Jena Malone’s Amy is far from the spunky and sweet heroine we’d expect her to be

It’s always refreshing to see sunny days filled with horrors


Low Points
Maybe it’s intentional, but the obnoxious Americanness of the beginning feels like well-worn territory

A few moments of plant attacks (particularly involving a lazily animated corpse) remind us why the special effects are not the highlights


Lessons Learned
Evil flowers are not your friends, but they can be powerful weapons*


Common sense dictates not to wear flip flops on a nature hike


Always include a med student when planning a couples’ getaway

When someone is holding a knife, it's not very wise to approach him/her from behind


Rent/Bury/Buy
The DVD is fairly extra heavy and includes a director commentary (often my make/break to purchase feature), so if you catch a well-priced copy, I say buy. The Ruins is definitely worth a watch. I don’t want to overpraise it by calling it a classic; it’s not. But for people that like to see modern horror made well, this is a refreshing example. Despite a seemingly standard setup, the story doesn’t go where you expect it to. And for those that imagine a killer plant movie sounds less appealing than a middle school production of Little Shop of Horrors, let me reassure you that even the most macabre of drama teachers wouldn’t come close to staging the amputation scene you get here.


*MILD SPOILER: While I think the characters generally made some fairly intelligent plans, they did completely miss the one opportunity they had for escape: throwing the plants at their Mayan captors. If nothing else, doing so may have created a chaotic firing party amongst the Mayans, thus giving the kids some time to make a break for the jeep. Perhaps I’m just a tad spoiled from having recently watched the wonderful Rutger Hauer-headed Flesh + Blood, where the catapulting of plague-ridden dog meat figures into a brilliant climax.