When You Marry Into a Golem Family

There's a certain kind of new horror film, particularly the kind released on Shudder, that seems to activate the fan community to immediate battle. "It's SO good!" tweets one side, while the exes back with "a waste of time." 

Naturally, these are the movies I feel most compelled to jump into. WHICH SIDE WILL I FALL ON?

Let's see where Oddity lands me.

Quick Plot: Dr. Ted Timmins has moved his wife Dani to an isolated fixer upper where the nearest landmark is the asylum he heads. One evening, with Ted at work, a strange man named Olin sporting one glass eye (and one that's not made of glass, in case that wasn't clear) approaches Dani's door to warn that someone is in the house. Like most sane people, Dani isn't eager to trust the man she (righly) suspects of being her husband's mental patient into her home. But it does seem like there are knocks coming from downstairs...

We don't see what happens just then, but we quickly learn that was a very bad night for Mrs. Timmins. She was found dead, with Olin convicted of her murder and sentenced back to the same asylum where he later met his own brutal death. Ted does the husbandly duty of bringing Olin's glass eye to his twin sister-in-law Darcy, a blind clairvoyant with poor social skills. She takes him up on his polite, poorly defined invitation for dinner by showing up at his home on the anniversary of Dani's death. 

It's the kind of day that would normally be reserved for remembrance, but Ted has moved on and his new girlfriend Yana moved in. Darcy ignores the not-so-obvious social cues and insists on staying the night, even though Ted has to go back to work. Yana's keys have mysteriously disappeared just as Darcy's special delivery arrived so it's ladies night at the murder house.

Well, there is the golem. 

Yana is hardly the most likable woman in Ireland, but anyone can sympathize with the horrors of entertaining a kooky psychic sister of your boyfriend's dead wife lugging a human-sized wooden man with holes in his lead full of blood vials and teeth. I won't go too much further in detailing the story of Oddity, but it progresses in both strange and shockingly normal ways. 

Written and directed by Caveat's Damian McCarthy, Oddity is a sharply made genre film that looks and sounds quite good. Ted's asylum is hauntingly lit, while the strangely laid out country home always feels slightly wrong. The performances are top notch and the score keeps the mood just right.

So which team did that put me on? Like many a polarizing new horror film, I find myself ultimately sitting on the sidelines. Oddity is good. It's a story that feels somewhat new, but quickly becomes a bit predictable, right down to the final shot. I don't know where else it really could have gone, but there was something missing by the time I reached the end. It's possible that I was too intrigued by Carolyn Bracken's Darcy and simply wanted more. Made for a low budget, Oddity is the kind of film that certainly makes me say, "can't wait to see what this guy can do with more resources." I guess I hope those include something more ambitious?

High Points

As much as I may be complaining about the smallness of Oddity, there is a very impressive tightness to the storytelling. By the time you reach the end, you realize that virtually EVERY piece of it --both physical props and throwaway lines of dialogue -- had some kind of meaning to tie everything together. You know what? I think I liked this movie more than I first thought

Low Points

While I like where Oddity takes Yancy in the end, I do find myself wanting a little more. Then again, I've said that about all the women in this film so maybe that was one of the keys I found missing 

Lessons Learned

Who needs security cameras when you can curse your inventory?

The more poorly run an asylum, the less questions asked

Always keep a charcuterie board ready, even (or especially) if you live in a remote with few chances of visitors

Rent/Bury/Buy

I liked Oddity, but definitely wanted more out of that. That being said, as I sit back and reflect on it, I'm realizing that McCarthy is a very skillful filmmaker. I'll certainly check out Caveat one of these days, and keep an eye on his future. 

Home On the Mutant Range

You watch enough veterinarian shows on Animal Planet and it's hard not to think you too can delivery healthy calves or wrap them in a blanket and rub them warm until they come back to life. Made way back in 2006, Billy O'Brien's Splinter-meets-Dr. Pol horror film reminds me that I actually have none of those skills.

Quick Plot: Dan is struggling to make ends meet on his isolated family farm. Trying to stave off the bank, he's made a dangerous deal with the devil in the from of a shady biological research company that's been experimenting on her heard. 

On a dank, muddy night (something I assume is a redudant description for Irish farmlands), he summons his vet Orla (The Babadook's Essie Davis) to help him with one of his pregnant cows. The fetus somehow manages to bite Orla, who senses something amiss and calls in her higher up for backup. 

Meanwhile, a handsome young before-they-were stars couple on the run, have parked their camper on Dan's property. Played by Sean Harris and Goddess Ruth Negga, Jamie and Mary find their ways into Dan's good graces quickly, which is handy when you're otherwise alone in your battle against evil corporate science and mutant cow parasites. 

Isolation is a small, contained film fitting of its title. Writer/director O'Brien seems well aware that a little goes a long way, especially with a presumed limited budget. The action stays on the farm and in darkly lit barns, with tight shots of the impressive practical effects. Like so many genre films of the last 20 years, I did spend a good amount of energy squinting through darkness, but it's somewhat excusable considering the setting.

Isolation kept making me think of Splinter, a similarly old school horror that centered itself on a handful of characters battling some pretty gnarly special effects. I wish Isolation had a little more of Splinter's screenplay, as the characters themselves never get enough time to truly come alive. 

High Points

We don't get to know too much about our small group of characters, but that's where casting and performance comes in hand. The camera has never loved anyone as much as it does Ruth Negga, and without much specifics, John Lynch manages to make Dan a sadly sympathetic lead

Low Points

Look, I get that there's no reason to waste electricity when money is tight, but how hard can it be to turn an extra light on when you're filming in the dark?

Lessons Learned

Maybe it's just the real-life quarantine talking, but doesn't it just seem OBVIOUS that one should avoid having sex when there's the slightest chance that you might be harboring a mysterious parasite

Rent/Bury/Buy

Isolation didn't shake my world, but it's a solid, very well-made little thriller that will satisfy your itch for some classic horror and crunchy practical effects. You can find it on Amazon Prime. 

I Found Benjen Stark! He’s In The Hallow!

Perhaps it's the Game of Thrones influence, but Ireland seems to be putting out a nice supply of well-made horror films, including the recent The Canal and The Citadel. Add The Hallow to that growing list of quality horror flicks whose title starts with “The” and whose cast generally includes at least a few Westrosi power players. 

Quick Plot: Adam is an arborist living deep in the woods of Ireland with his wife Claire, infant son Finn, and dog Iggy (note to the sensitive: don’t get too attached to the latter). Locals are none too happy with this arrangement, as they fear both the mythical monsters haunting the forest and the threat of industry moving in and taking their long-protected home. 

Bricks-through-the-window and ominous townie-issued threats aside, it’s clearly an idyllic time for the young couple. 

Well, for the first fifteen minutes of the movie that is.

Before you know it, aforementioned mythical monsters have made themselves known, infecting Ada, wiping out Iggy, swiping Finn, and terrifying Claire.

The Hallow takes place entirely over one horrid night, as Claire must try to protect Finn from the array of forest creatures and the transformed Adam, now fully convinced that the baby in his wife’s arms is actually a changeling. As Adam’s condition worsens and the locals lock their doors, Claire must survive the night on her own.

Written and directed by first time filmmaker Corin Hardy, The Hallow is a very solid little foray into horror. It does little to rewrite a working formula or bring anything that new to it, but the actors connect, the setting dazzles, and the monsters are genuinely interesting to watch onscreen. This doesn’t break any mold, but it’s a creepy and effective little blend of fairy tales, sieges, and nature strikes back horror. 

High Points

The actual design of the hallow creatures is quite interesting, using the idea and form of branches and other woodsy elements to form a unique spin on fairy tale monsters

Credit goes to some adorable credits, that follow the standard “No animals were harmed during the making of this film” with the less common but earnest “No changelings were harmed during the making of this film”

Low Points

I can’t quite put my finger on what’s missing in The Hallow, but there’s just something that keeps this film from crossing over into truly special territory. It’s well-acted, well-shot, and well-written, but there’s just nothing that unique or surprising to make it overly memorable. 

Lessons Learned

When your friendly neighborhood policeman is played by Ben Wheatley regular Michael Smiley and your closest neighbor is Roose Bolton, you should probably know that you’re not in the best hands

Iron bars might not be the most inviting way to decorate your windows, but if they keep the evil wood monsters away from your baby, perhaps you should get over your HGTV snobbery and deal with it

There are different sorts of boogeymen in Belfast

Rent/Bury/Buy

The Hallow is currently streaming on Netflix Instant, and it’s well worth a watch. This isn’t necessarily on the highest tier of new horror, but it’s a quality outing that demonstrates some promising potential from filmmaker Corin Hardy. I look forward to seeing what else he can do. 

A Doll Party Is the Least of Your Worries

Dark Touch has the kind of typical cover art that runs rampant on the horror section of Netflix Instant. Based on that, I wasn't expecting much.

It's nice to be surprised. 

Quick Plot: Niamh (pronounced 'Neav', as if THAT makes sense Ireland) is a quiet and seemingly awkward young girl living in a small Irish countryside village. One night, she runs from her house screaming with a sliced tongue, taking refuge of sorts in her neighbors, the Galins. Whatever caused such a stir remains unexplained as her upper class, distant parents dismiss it.

A few nights later, Niamh awakens to find her baby brother crying on the hallway floor. Wealthy, distant parents are quick to blame Niamh before being taken out by all manners of evil housewares. Chandeliers rain, desks attack, and like a darker memory of Tourist Trap's prologue, Niamh's folks are brutally slaughtered by mere household furniture.

Neighbor Nat is quick to take in Niamh, but as anyone who's seen Orphan, Stevie, Case 39, or pretty much any genre film involving adoption ever knows, foster care is tricky business. Shy and withdrawn, Niamh has a hard time fitting in at school. At home, she never seems able to settle, flinching any time Nat or her husband come near or make an attempt to touch her. 

Clearly, Niamh has some demons. What makes Dark Touch such a fascinating little horror film is how it demonstrates their presence without outright explaining, well, pretty much anything. Nobody ever really comes out and asks Niamh what's wrong and if they had, Niamh probably couldn't put it into words.

Directed by Marina de Van (best known for In My Skin and Don’t Look Back), Dark Touch is a far deeper film than what its premise and cover art suggest. Sure, the Carrie telekinesis feels a little typical at first, but as the film circles Niamh’s discomfort with the world around her, it’s striking to realize that Dark Touch never has to tell you what’s actually going on. It doesn’t have to: we know what we need from the horror that constantly pains Niamh’s face. Everything else is just collateral damage.

High Points

The strength of Dark Touch really does lie in what it buries so slightly under the surface. It’s quite a feat for a brief and still genuinely scary little horror film

Low Points

Throughout the film, Niamh continues to run into a pair of abused siblings who at first seem like ghosts. There's a clear connection running through the trio, but much like the recent Jug Face, it's probably the one major area of Dark Touch that felt a little too cheap horror movie

Lessons Learned

Inviting every guest to bring a doll to an eight-year-old’s birthday party is really just asking for trouble

Children don’t always realize how violent they can be

Well-intentioned foster parents don't always realize how violent children can be

Rent/Bury/Buy

Dark Touch is an oddly effective film that doesn't quite reveal itself until the credits have rolled. I found myself slightly frustrated while watching  in trying to figure out what I was missing, but once it was over and I gave it a little more thought, everything became perfectly clear. This is a story about child abuse, how it gives birth to something so confused and angry, so potentially powerful and so easy to misunderstand. It's not an easy watch, but as far as modern horror gores, it's incredibly disturbing.