Wet Hot Soviet Summer

Horror movies set at summer camp aren't usually known for their plot complexity, making today's feature a pleasant enough surprise. 

Quick Plot: Teenager Adam awakens covered in black slime and mysterious scars inside a boarded up summer camp infirmary with a couple of corpses keeping him company. While his memory seems to be wiped, a driver's license and some of his own hand-written notes help him piece together the events that led him to this point.

Here's a somewhat linear account of Adam's findings: in the 1980s, Soviet scientists conducted experiments in the aim of harnessing the "hive mind" possibilities inherent in humanity. Bad things happened, and the findings were sealed until some thirty years later when a neurosurgeon (Sean Gunn!) decided to explore the same phenomenon, reopening the files which were then hijacked by the original scientist.

As for Adam, life is less interesting: he's a horny camp counselor decent at seducing his coworkers (including best bud Chad's girlfriend Jess). He tries to tame his ways once he (literally) bumps into sweet anti-cursing Katie, but his romance agenda gets interrupted when a plane crashes nearby. The quartet ride out to investigate, only to encounter a mysteriously zombie-like passenger who pukes some infectious goo on the ill-fated Jess.

With the power down and seemingly no other adults employed at the camp, the group attempts to stay calm amid the chaos, eventually remembering that they're in charge of some 150 children. Possessed Jess stirs the pot, throwing everyone into some dark spaces as the Russian theory of interconnectivity proves dangerously real.

That's a lot of plot for a 90 minute horror movie streaming on Amazon Prime, which is both The Hive's central strength and weakness. When I see a synopsis of such a film that mentions camp counselors, I'm not expecting Inception-levels of complexity. The Hive plays a lot with its timeline, keeping us on the same playing field as Adam as he tries to put things together. It's done quite well, and helps to make what would otherwise be a fairly bland, unlikable character into someone worth following.

At the same time, the constant time jumping and hints of a worldwide infection can't fully compensate for the fact that Adam and Chad are awful people who should in no way be put in charge of kids. 

Directed by James Gunn pal David Yarovesky (he of the newly released Brightburn), The Hive is of far higher quality than its lack of a reputation might suggest. Its cover, synopsis, and placement on Amazon Prime do not suggest any real standards, but it's a surprisingly creative story with decent execution. Had its central characters been a hint more interesting, this movie could have been something genuinely special.

High Points

As much as I would have rather this movie not be about a douchey teenage dude, actor Gabriel Basso does a darn good job, especially considering the challenges when half of your dialogue is your character talking to himself

Low Points

There are certainly highs to find in an ending (mild spoiler) that gives an a rather out-of-nowhere apocalypse, but it's hard to feel anything from it when the movie hasn't really earned that level of grandeur

Lessons Learned

Never enroll your child in summer camp without thoroughly researching the teenage sadists who will be in control

Swearing too much makes you sound stupid

Brooms and baseball bats are decent weapons for self-defense, but when you really get down to it, nothing beats a full a roll of Saran Wrap

Rent/Bury/Buy

The Hive is an impressive feat for such an under the radar horror movie. It never fully grabbed me (probably due to focusing on some pretty bland and awful teenagers) but it's smartly written, well-acted, and genuinely unique in the story it tells. 

Office Royale

For many a dull reason, I do not often go to the movie theater to see films on the big screen. Time is limited, the experience is usually frustrating (don't get me started on how I was ready to break out into my best Class of 1999 Pam Grier-as-a-badass-robot-authoritarian when people refused to sit in their assigned seats at the packed house for Get Out), and most films will end up streaming or available via a handy Netflix DVD pouch (yes, I still use those) within half a year. In the time it takes to get to a theater, sit through decades of trailers, and make the trip home, I probably could have watched two or three films, all without the squeaky seats, sticky floors, and constant internal debate of whether it's better to suffer in silence through chatty neighbors' rudeness or risk getting beaten up by teenagers in trying to make a stand.

That being said, when a genre film comes out that looks fresh and representative of where I'd like to see film trends go, I often feel the need to give it my support. When I first saw the trailer for the James Gunn-written, Greg McLean-directed The Belko Experiment, I vowed (possibly audibly like a rude teenager) that I would go see that in the theater. I've long whined about the lack of office-centered horror, and while the premise was obviously inspired by many a Battle Royale-esque tale, those are my absolute favorite of all the tales. This was the TYPE of movie I wanted to see being made, so any way I could help that continue to happen (i.e., with a $16.25 weeknight ticket, yes, that's what it's like in Manhattan and I'm crying, not you), it felt like my very duty.

Quick Plot: Welcome to Belko, Inc., a U.S. based corporation that specializes in bringing business to South America. We're introduced to the Bogota-based office and its various employees, a mix of expats that range everywhere from a stoner janitor (Sean Gunn) to the cool and collected maintenance manager (Michael Rooker, shockingly NOT trying to kill people) to a newcomer clocking in on her first day and of course, the boss, played with intense corporate confidence by the always welcome Tony Goldwyn. While the film makes a pointed effort to give us enough of an idea of the sprawling cast to be able to follow multiple characters, the lead is clearly John Gallagher's Mike, a pleasant and morally-minded middle manager who sort of embodies what Jim Halpert might do in case of...well...

If you've seen the trailers, you know the gist: on a typical workday, Belko's walls are sealed and a god-like voice on the intercom orders those locked inside to kill two employees within an hour. The penalties will be severe, and it doesn't take too many tracers implanted in the back of staff members' heads to figure out this is no practical joke. People will die. The question becomes, rather quickly, who?

In many ways, The Belko Experiment came custom-made for me. About a dozen years ago, when I first saw Battle Royale, I became mildly obsessed with applying the setup to every possible scenario I might encounter (and a few years later, wrote about it here). Bored on the subway? IMAGINE IF EVERYONE ON THIS CAR WAS SENT TO AN ISLAND AND WE HAD TO FIGHT TO THE DEATH. At the time, I was teaching ESL in Korea to elementary and middle school students. IMAGINE IF MY CLASSROOM WAS DROPPED ON AN ISLAND AND--you get the point. 

Naturally, when I started working in an office, the game continued. Those who might remember my eons-ago review of Office Killer might recall how disappointed I was to see the titular setting barely used. On any given day, there are about a dozen products in my reach from Staples that could kill me. WHY IS THIS AN UNTAPPED RESOURCE FOR HORROR?

While The Belko Experiment doesn't fully embrace the possibilities of death-by-paper cuts, it does have a little fun with some creative weaponry (that is indeed one hardcore tape dispenser). At the same time, it seems to hint at ideas that it just doesn't have the time to fully flesh out. As we're introduced to Belko, we learn a little about the hierarchy, meeting the CEO in his sprawling office only to then see managers in their more modest but still private glass rooms compared to the presumed entry level workers in crowded cubicles. The movie gets one great joke about this in there, but the actual social order doesn't ultimately seem important come the chaos. Perhaps that's a point in itself, and maybe I should be thankful that I'm not just witnessing another sleek adaptation of High-Rise, but like so much in a 90 minute high concept huge cast horror, it just feels like there could have been more.

Not that there isn't quite a bit. As the horrific reality of the situation hits each staff member, McLean intensifies things to pretty wacky levels. Goldwyn's alpha male takes charge, utilizing the bloodthirsty talents of the ultimate a$$hole character actor John C. McGinley as the kind of guy who has probably been waiting for permission to stab his coworkers since the day of his first interview. The moral divide between the hunters and the pacifists gets a little muddled, but the top-shelf actors help to sell their positions pretty well. 

High Points

I'm not sure if it's James Gunn's script, quality actors, or the simple truth that introducing characters by their jobs can help to establish who they are incredibly fast, but there's something very satisfying about how the character introductions lay out such a strong foundation for where these men and women will stand when the chaos begins. Take Brent Sexton's Vince, the affable HR manager whose instincts to keep everyone safe and calm fit perfectly with his position...for a while

Low Points

While I appreciated the waste-no-time pacing, the standard downside of what was lost in that time crunch is VERY felt in a lot of areas. Take, for example, a minor character who is introduced as a strict no-nonsense pencil pusher who drops a pile of reports on the newbie's desk and demands, in a terrifying German accent, that they're finished by lunchtime. Boy could I not wait to see how SHE handled the upcoming crisis. Unfortunately, (MINOR SPOILER FOR A MINOR CHARACTER WHO GETS A BAD HAIRCUT AND NO NAME), nothing comes of her introduction. Come the big sacrifice, she's lined up with 15 other extras and shot accordingly. It feels like quite a missed opportunity.

Lessons Learned

James Gunn loves few things more than an elevator muzak gag

Flirting with a good-looking coworker on your first day of work may not seem like the best career advice, but if your office is suddenly subjected to a cruel homicidal experiment, it may just be the thing that saves your life

Cubicles offer very little sound protection

Rent/Bury/Buy
I enjoyed The Belko Experiment more than I can say it was a good movie. Much like his Wolf Creek films, McLean has an unapologetic mean spirit in his work, relentless in how he punishes his characters. Normally, that's something of a turnoff for the fairly happy person I consider myself to be, but the grand premise of The Belko Experiment helps to mitigate some of the ickiness I might have felt watching nice-enough people being put through such hell. It's a movie with a great setup, fast pace, and some deathly black humor that connected for me.