October!

We’re 7 days into the most wonderful time of the year, and I’ve barely addressed the fact that, you know, WE’RE SEVEN DAYS INTO THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR.

Precisely

Here at the Doll’s House, I have nothing overly exciting planned save for the usual weekly dose of genre (or awful, but this month, strictly genre) film reviews. While some exciting pumpkin-related shenanigans could still sprout up, I figured it was far more useful to share some links to a few of my rather talented pals’ far more interesting October projects.

Hitch up your haunted hayride and let’s roll!

-Over at The Lightning Bug’s Lair, good pal Zach (and guest host for our latest Single White Female/Obsessed episode of The Feminine Critique) is don’ting away with 31 days of covering movies with titles that include horror’s favorite contraction. Zach always makes October a truly delightningbugful time of year, and I’m sure this round will be no different.

-This being October, it’s the perfect time for you savvy e-reading bookworms (or e-worms? Is that more or less gross?) to check out a few great picks. First up is R. k. Kombrinck’s short story collection, These Lonely Places. Some of you might know the author as a barrel of laughs and Burger King hatred heard on Night of the Living Podcast, but his fiction is a far more serious matter. From giant spiders to horrifically twisted old people, Kombrinck’s writing is truly creepy, filled with surprising twists and plenty of scares.

-For those of you in need of some quality nonfiction, check out Bryce Wilson’s Son of Danse Macabre. Wilson is also the keeper of the fine blog Things That Don’t Suck (and thankfully, his writing doesn’t) and Son of Danse Macabre reads like a worthy sequel and followup to Stephen King’s 1981 book. Picking up where King left off, Wilson provides superb analysis of the genre (including video games and comics) of the last 30 years. For just $2.99, it’s a journey well worth taking.

-Get Rocked. Get Shocked. Get n’ed. All these things at Worcester’s annual horror (and music, whatever that is) convention. I’ll be taking a ride up there for the weekend of the 19th, so if any of you New Englanders are dropping in, be sure to let me know so we can say hi while wondering if Jordan Ladd would be honored or embarrassed if we asked her about her villainous role in Lifetime’s Murder on the 13th Floor.

-Gear up your ears for ShowShow, one of the Internet’s oldest and still most entertaining podcasts. Every year, the crew assembles for the Spooktacular, where they release one episode a day for the month of October. It’s a hard show to describe until you hear it, but with a bizarre collection of films on this year’s docket (George Kennedy vs. An Alf puppet supercat in The Uninvited, anybody?) and what I’ve been assured is a bottomless supply of alcohol, you can guarantee yourself a good time.

-More entertainment courtesy of the podcasting world: Outside the Cinema’s annual Halloween Throwdown, aka 16 hours of random and rare horror movies streaming live online. It's a surprisingly enjoyable way to kill a Saturday, so if you've long wanted to see films like Fade To Black and Mr. Boogedy, be sure to check it out.

-Plus, plenty of blogs over yonder on my right side blogroll will be doing truly seasonal coverage, from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby’s annual Chucktoberfest to Fascination With Fear’s Guilty Pleasures and Final Girl’s own version of SHOCKtober. 

Good things everywhere. GO GET THEM!

31 Reasons to Love October

As some of you know and others don't care about, I spent the last year or so contributing to Pop Syndicate, a recently renovated website that lost all its past content (and writers). The following article appeared in 2009 and since you can't find it anywhere else in InterWorld, I'm rerunning it here. Apologies for the deja vu.

31. Columbus Day:  Because we (well, not me) sometimes get a much needed Monday off while occasionally pausing to remember the start of Native American genocide

30. Seasonal vegetables: Squash and zucchini at their best

29. Halloween marathons:   Certainly this should have a better ranking but in recent years, “marathon” implied a constant rotation of Parts IV & V on AMC. Not the high points of the series, but notable for a) featuring current Scream Queen Danielle Harris and b) interestingly enough, following Friday the 13th‘s formula of introducing a promising twist at the end of the fourth installment only to completely rewrite it in the sub par fifth.

28. A new Saw:  Quit your groaning, especially if you’re about to huff and puff with some totally unwarranted praise upon some other franchise. Part VI  came as a pleasantly smart/gross/satirical surprise, and with director Kevin Greutert returning (after his talented fingers were pried off the Paranormal Activity sequel by a wary Lions Gate), I continue to smile at the prospect of seeing increasingly ridiculous murders, convoluted morality, and new depths of gravel by the scratch-tastic voice of Tobin Bell.

27. Pumpkin lattes:  Proving again that anything can be improved with a little bit o’ October 

26. Apple cider:  Cold or hot, it smells like autumn and tastes like heaven

25. Horror Conventions:  Sure, they’re held year round, but hit one up on October’s last weekend and use it as an excuse to chat up Kane Hodder while dressed like Freddy Krueger. October 8-10th brings some mainstream geek excitement to NYC with ComicCon and the next weekend, magic will be born in Worcester with the annual Rock ‘n Shock.

24. Fun-size candy:  Sure, it's more fun to chomp down a whole Snickers, but bite-sized Mars Dark give you that needed sweet kick in a serving that won't make you feel quite so pimple prone

23. The smell of masks:  They’ll never make a scented candle out of cheap plastic or badly made rubber, but damnit if that aroma doesn’t send you back down memory lane 

22. Candy apples:  The way Christianity’s most despised fruit was meant to be served

21. Crispy weather:  Break out that light jacket and enjoy the breeze

20. Popcorn Balls:  1.5 grams of fat, unmeasurable levels of enjoyment

19. Animals in costume:  I know, what kind of monster could possibly stuff their poodle inside cheerleader outfit? An evil one not meant for this earth. But a pug dressed like Yoda? Maybe there is a place for doggy style after all

18. Pumpkin ice cream:  Don’t knock it ‘til you try it (preferably with caramel on the side and toasted coconut on top)

17. Lawn decorations:  Not counting those all-too-easy (and ugly) inflatable things, suburban home owners sometimes go through great and creative lengths to make their front yards look like Stephen Kingish cemeteries, Dr. Frankensteinian laboratories, or even kid-friendly ghost hangouts with loitering paper and cardboard cutouts

 16. Octoberfest:  Whether you host your own or get the filtered experience through a seasonal bottled beer, you have to appreciate a holiday designed for good taste

15. Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas:  Its opening musical number introduced us to a world we could only dream of visiting. Thankfully, it’s appropriate to do so (on DVD and in the occasional theatrical re-release) not once but twice a year

14. Crunchy leaves:  Bad when being stalked by a slasher, great for everyone else’s ambience

13. Roseanne reruns:  One of, if not the best live action sitcom of the 90s earns a special place in my heart by always bringing out the big guns for the big 3-1. From Darlene’s Tippi Hedren costume to Roseanne learning lessons as a cross dresser in a bar, Ms. Barr/Arnold/_____ always found a way to make Halloween thirty minutes of truly special television

12. The Monster Mash:  There. I said it. Now I dare you to get that tune out of your candy corn-filled head

11. Playoffs & World Series:  Once again, my poor miserable Mets will be sitting out this October, but I, like many an MLB fan, will fill these fall nights with baseball at its best (and most likely, a few servings of #7)

10. Corn mazes: Generally reserved for rural locations, these harvesty labyrinths offer you the perfect chance to freak people out/seriously annoy others by shouting "Outlander!" in your best Nebraska accent

 9.   Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments:  Most genre fans have by now seen this 8 hour collection of minor-->major celebrities discussing the classics, plus its 30 film addendum. While the rankings are questionable (Child’s Play at 94, 50 places below The Game?) it’s hard to not enjoy the surprisingly intelligent and witty discussions from the likes of Clive Barker, Eli Roth, Jennifer Tilly, Felissa Rose, and many more. 

8. It’s the Great Pumpkin King, Charlie Brown!:  This 1966 animated special features the scariest Halloween villain of all time. Seriously. What kind of satanic neighbor drops an actual rock in a socially awkward balding little boy’s trick-or-treat sack?

7. Pumpkin beer:  Its growing popularity and year-long availability has lessened this brew’s novelty a sip or two, but there's still nothing quite like that perfect cinnamon-rimmed glass filled with an ambery concoction of spicy bitter sweetness

6. Trick-or-treating: I’m now officially too young to solicit strangers for candy, but the very fact that in this day and age, one actually CAN solicit strangers for candy is still one of the most incredible cultural realities of this world

 5. Candy corn:  What is it about these tri-colored bites of sugary goodness that makes health-conscious adults develop a mouthful of cavities? And why oh why have their makers not found a way to incorporate such a recipe into Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, Mother's Day, Bastille Day...

4. Jack-O-Lanterns:  Everything from the pumpkin picking process (do I choose a Burt or Ernie?) to that cold sloshing sensation as you stick your wrists inside and the always warped smile you’ll inevitably carve

3. The Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror:  From the weeklong buildup generally run on syndication to the premiere of what often ranks as the best episode of the year,  these annual Halloween/supernatural/Twilight Zone reinterpretations never fail to make us happy. Kang & Kodos, you can invade our planet any time

2. DVD sales:  Read those circulars. This is the one time of the year to make weekly stops at major retail chains to take advantage of every discount carelessly dropped on the kind of films many of us would go broke were they priced low year round

1. Duh, Halloween:  Yes, it’s a cheat but you know what: some people dress up and march in town parades. Others stay home with a hefty serving of #5, 7, 18, 20, 22, 24, 26, and when you need a pick-up to start the cycle again, 27. But whether you celebrate by passing peeled grapes off as eyeballs to an unsuspecting neighborhood child or bobbing for apples in a bucket of booze, this truly is the greatest holiday of the year.


Now if only I knew what to do for my costume. So much pressure from past hits...

Mrs. Peacock...

Mister Met (on a vengeance spree following the '08 collapse)

and bless her never-clean heart, Mommie Dearest

Goodbye to the Great Pumpkin King

Was it good for you? I hope so, but ten popcorn balls says my Halloween was the best ever! It was actually life changing: I now officially heart New Jersey as it's home to Chiller Theater, a bat sanctuary, and fantastic people that have incredible weddings. 

As expected, our Clueful costumes were a hit. Dear friends/foes Erica and Lisa dazzled as those saucy sirens, Mrs. White and Ms. Scarlett. My Mrs. Peacock was simply divine in a gold lamme top (Burlington), horrendously mustardly flowered blouse (Filene's Basement), and shimmering A-line skirt brought to you by the Gap, Joanne’s Fabrics, Erica’s handiwork, and sticks of hot glue. It held up through gleeful Monster Mash-ing and uncoordinated Electric Sliding, plus countless queries by party guests about where our Colonel Mustard was.

Are we missing something? When did Martin Mull’s military murderer become the most beloved Clue character? Isn’t it more fun to say “Professor Plum?”

Anyway, that was my official Halloween. Sunday was spent at Chiller Theatre, a gigantic horror convention held in Parsippany, NJ, and perhaps the first one I’ve ever attended that was not being trolled by the scowl of Tom Savini. Fun was had, and my highlights are as follows:

-Buying a DVD of Frogenstein, a collection of a few Muppet meetups with horror icons such as Vincent Price

-Touching my cheek to Davy Jones for a photo op that made me swoon. He’s very tan, very sing songy, and still very damn adorable

-Narrowing my eyes at Richard Dreyfuss when he walked through the line I was waiting on without saying excuse me

-Chatting with the Brothers Hodder about disco, Davy Jones’ fans, and Hatchet 2. Apparently those are the kinds of questions I should have been asking at our “interview” last month

-hearing Louise Robey, the flame-haired lead on Friday the 13th: the Series, belt out a few notes to an adoring fan. It was weird.

-Having a very interesting conversation with artist Roger Kastel, the artist who designed such iconic posters as Jaws and The Empire Strikes Back. He had a wonderful attitude about his work and seemed to genuinely enjoy discussing his process

-Discovering that every single female that once posed nude has either the world's best stylish, plastic surgeon, or blood supply from virgins to maintain healthy glows. Also, most actresses that have ever appeared in genre films are so tiny, they make Dreyfuss look only slightly shorter than average height

We closed out the weekend of amazingness with an evening trip to see Saw VI, which I’ll review this week (hopefully) as soon as I find the power to harness any remaining energy bestowed upon me by discounted fun-size bars.

It’s been a beautiful October and I’m sadder than a fat kid with a dropped ice cream cone that it’s over. Dearest horror bloggers and readers, I pose this question: How can we make November a worthy, or mildly not-too-much-of-a-letdown followup?

There just aren’t enough films about killer turkeys, pilgrims, or the voting public. Deep sigh, silenced by an early round of stuffing laced with candy corn.