Ya Gotta Get a Gimmick

Silent House is one of those films that might be impossible to thoroughly discuss without spoiling. Though there is plenty to say about the gimmicky “single shot” illusion of the filming style, I can’t go into any detail whatsoever without erupting into a fit of how the major twist negates everything that makes the film annoyingly unique in the first place.

So here’s the non-spoilered review of Silent House: it’s a mildly new, occasionally unnerving haunted house(ish) tale with a great central performance and stupid filming gimmick that completely undoes everything about itself in the final act. One could do worse than watching it for 90 minutes, but one could also save his or herself a momentary spike in blood pressure when some things are revealed.

Now open that expired gallon of milk: we’re going to get spoilery.

Quick Plot: Sarah is a spacey young woman spending time with her dad and uncle as they clean up their old summer house, an isolated little property that has apparently been hosting angry squatters during the offseason. On this particular afternoon, our pretty heroine is visited by a mysterious girl claiming to be her old childhood pal. Sarah doesn’t seem to actually remember the woman, but she fakes it well enough before returning upstairs with her dad to throw away some childhood mementos and breathe in some wall mold. Everything is fine and dandy in a poorly lit manner until Sarah’s dad leaves the room, a giant bang is heard, and it becomes increasingly clear that someone has ominous plans for our leads.

Directed by Chris Kentis and Laura Lau (the same team that brought us Open Water), Silent House is occasionally effective, particularly in its first hour or so. Having absolutely no clue what menace is tormenting our star works incredibly well, and Elizabeth Olsen has the kind of glassy wide eyes to sell true fear. But much like Open Water, this is a film built more on gimmick than substance, and in that exists two problems:

1-The ‘one shot’ illusion doesn’t really add much to what we’re watching, making us instead constantly distracted by the fact that we can’t really see anything

2-Once the film’s twist is revealed, it negates everything, primarily, the entire one-shot illusion

I’m going to spoil Silent House. And I am not going to feel bad about it:

About halfway through the film, I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is one of those ‘the victim IS the killer’ twists.” But then I said, well, that CAN’T be the case since everything we’ve thus far seen has been this “one continuous (not really) shot” and our eyes have been on Sarah the entire time. So if she is indeed the killer, that means I just watched absolutely nothing.

And then, like a pixie cut sporting French woman wielding an axe in the early 21st century, little Elizabeth Olsen proves to be starring in a nonsensical J-horror of sorts meeting Law & Order: SVU.

Oh yeah: and she did it.

Right. She, this character whom we’ve had our eyes on straight for 90 minutes, somehow managed to take down two much bigger men when we weren’t looking. Except, you know, we WERE looking. For the entire film. Which was “one-shot.” Meaning “one-shot where our eyes were on Sarah the entire time.” But she’s the killer. You missed that I guess.

Much like the better, but still innately flawed High Tension, Silent House doesn’t really deserve to exist as a movie in its current state. See, think back to ANOTHER film with a twist I’m about to spoil, M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village.

Gandalf is working HARD today.

In The Village, the audience gets a twist ending that has no effect on the characters whatsoever. Bryce Dallas Howard’s heroine learns about the twist, but then other factors come into play that negates them in her mind so therefore, the only character actually affected by what happened onscreen is someone played by the director in his signature unnecessary cameo in the final scene. We spent 100 minutes watching something that ultimately has no effect on anything.

Sort of like how in High Tension--

(Sorry dude)

We watch (admittedly, a much better) mess wherein what we think we’re seeing isn’t actually happening in the least. 

Had Silent House been told through more conventional filmmaking techniques, it would not have been a great film but it could have been a good one packing a strong lead and some effective scares. But because it’s based on a well-received Uruguayan film that made waves due to its style, Kentis and Lau have created the equivalent of a stylish rain coat made of shaving cream. Yes, it looks neat, but as soon as you dare test it out for its purpose, the whole thing evaporates.

Silent House is scary at times. I’ll give it that. But once you discover its secret, what you REALLY discover is that every minute of its running time is a fantasy of its makers. The one-shot trick means we can’t even chalk up Sarah’s psychosis to a second personality. How could someone else exist in her mind when we’ve watched her in REAL TIME? 

I am perfectly fine and encouraging of filmmakers using new means to tell stories, just as I am positively okay with token twist endings. But when you pair the two together in a way that doesn’t make sense, it’s like putting hot chocolate on unicorn steak. 

Well, maybe not that analogy since hot chocolate covered unicorn steak sounds positively delicious. My point is this: if you want to use a filming gimmick, you have to be sure it makes sense for the story you want to tell. A one-shot film could be perfectly fine. But when you apply that trick to a script like Silent House, you are annulling the very film you are trying to make. 

In case it’s not clear, I am angry. 

High Notes

As she demonstrated earlier last year with the complexity of Martha Mary May Marlene (or Mandy Melissa Marie Megan Marcia Marcia Marcia, I give up), Olsen is proving to be one of the most interesting actresses to emerge from her generation. Yes, the role is a written like a mess, but Olsen does the best she can to make us not hate Sarah, even when the script calls for her to hide under yet another table

I’ve said this time and time before: it is easier to fight the forces of evil with your hair out of your face. So thank you, Sarah, for grabbing that hair tie amidst the threat of attack

Low Notes

Oh well, I don’t, I mean, what can I say about A MOVIE THAT GETS FAMOUS FOR ITS GIMMICK EVEN THOUGH THE GIMMICK MAKES THE MOVIE NOT MAKE ANY SENSE

Lessons Learned

When in doubt, hide under furniture. Your sociopathic subconscious will NEVER think to look there

Though production on the actual film has now been discontinued and the far improved technology of the digital world has rendered them obsolete, one should still always keep a Polaroid camera on hand. If nothing else, it’s a mildly effective source of short spurts of light

If you’re worried about the audience not being able to know who a character is in relation to another, be sure to have one constantly acknowledge said relationship in every bit of dialogue, i.e., “My brother can really get on my nerves!” or “I’m not leaving my brother!” or “Look, little brother…” and so on.

Rent/Bury/Buy

Silent House made me very angry. In the words of Project Runway’s spectacular contestant Dimitri, it is a one way monkey but I shall add, it is a one way monkey without directions to that one way. Olsen gives a better performance than the script deserves, and while there are occasional shots of intrigue, there’s also the whole “the camera seems to be lingering on that empty space. I bet there---oh, there goes a shadow” moments that make for a great trailer and predictable movie. If you’re easily infuriated by bad endings, stay away. I imagine the complete nonsense of the twist is what warranted Silent House an “F” grade from theatrical audiences, and while this is certainly a better film than some other Friday night junk, it is indeed built upon a premise that ultimately damns it to a realm of boos hisses.

Stalk Like a Man

While researching titles for last week’s column on Valentines-appropriate genre flicks, several films kept appearing with alarming frequency: Fatal Attraction, The Phantom of the Opera, High Tension, to name a few. Now these luscious journeys through cinematic lust are certainly romantic in nature, but to call a tale about unhealthy obsession a “love story” seems creepy and wrong.

Naturally, creepy and wrong is what we do best at this little corner of the interwebs and thusly do I present 8 Tales of Unrequited (and Obsessive) Romance:

1. May

It's not easy being May, even if you are played by the adorable and genre-friendly Angela Bettis. A lazy eye and awkward demeanor makes socializing a challenge and dating nearly impossible. Fortunately, some corrective surgery brings out May’s beauty and before long, she’s the excitable girlfriend of indie moviemaker Jeremy Sisto. Unfortunately, this skinny vet's assistant is not so sharp when it comes to detecting social cues and quickly misinterprets his cinematic passion for cannibalims as a genuine fetish. The relationship may be short-lived, but a little taxidermy and May gets to enjoy the best parts, consent or no consent.

Basis of Obsession: Soft hands

Warning Signs: Chick’s best friend is a porcelain doll; chick not disturbed by violence to animals

2. Phantom of the Opera

Many a list dubs this 1925 silent classic a love story, but while many a lass would willingly surrender to the tortured musician of the title, wimpy Christine Deae has her heart set on a rich and handsome dullard with better wedding photo potential. Hence, it's not so cute when a malformed, musically gifted cellar dweller makes it his mission to train and kidnap the young diva-in-the-making. Some women are just more ungrateful than others.

Basis of Attraction: Soprano voice, prone to fainting

Warning Signs: Dude gives free opera lessons

3. Misery

People respond to their celebrity crushes in many ways: fan letters, Twitter follows, locker photos, locks of hair collecting. Some, like Kathy Bates’ Annie Wilkes, take a more extreme route. In the case of this 1990 Stephen King adaptation, such a method involves rescuing a literary hero, nursing him back to health, then breaking his ankles in a bid to force the just-retired novelist to resurrect his recently killed heroine. It's not romance per say, but Annie is clearly enamored--no, infatuated beyond control--with the character Paul Sheldon has created. When given the opportunity to direct his next literary pursuit, she's simply doing what her heart--and most likely, millions of fellow readers--demand. 

Basis of Attraction: Better writer than Nicolas Sparks

Warning Signs: Chick’s mouth is cleaner than Howie Mandel’s toilet

4. The Collector


Not to be confused with the recent Saw-like horror, this 1965 chiller (based on a controversial novel of the same name by John Fowls) epitomizes the dark and tragically wasteful nature of unrequited love. The icy Terrance Stamp is Frederick Clegg, a bland banker who wins the lottery and celebrates by buying a secluded estate and kidnapping Miranda (Samantha Eggar), a pretty art student he’s declared ideal. What follows is a fascinating interplay between two mismatched people and a true tour de force by Eggar (giving an Oscar nominated performance) as she tries every trick in the Intelligent Hostage Handbook to escape her captor. Indifference, seduction, insult, resignation...nothing can penetrate Stamp’s cold and self-declared adoration. His steely resolve is terrifying in its quiet persistence and how it demonstrates the true irony of obsession: Clegg knows deep down that the liberal-minded, college educated beauty will never really give in and even if she did, such an act would yield her disappointingly mortal. It's a tragedy for both characters and a haunting ride for the audience.

Basis of Attraction: Red hair, artistic ability

Warning Signs: Poor Miranda never gets the chance to detect them, as Clegg’s blank nature means she, like most of her town, simply doesn't him before her basement enslavement. I reckon then that the moral is to simply be aware of windowless vans.

5. High Tension

What’s scarier than a killer trucker with necrophiliac leanings? How about a manic pixie nightmare girl with inexplicable strength, uninhibited obsession, and a complete lack of mercy? While the twist ending (which actually equates to a completely different film than what you see on first viewing) continues to fuel high spirited film geek debate, High Tension maintains a special place as the film that helped and put modern French horror on the map. For most of its brutal running time, High Tension is a terrifying experience in new slasherdom. When we discover the killer's identity and motivation--sheer passion and impossible love--it takes on a different type of horror. Yes, it's Alex who loses her entire family and probably future sense of safety, but poor Marie is forever trapped wanting something she could never honestly have.

Basis of Attraction: Flirty brunette

Warning Signs: Your college roommate seems to be spending a lot of time practicing chainsaw and shotgun skills and judging your sex life

6. Fear

It scares me how much teenage girls are riveted by tales of obsessive and underage romance. I have vivid memories of my fellow 8th graders rushing home to tape (ahh, pre-DVR days) the made-for-TV movie No One Would Tell, wherein a weirdly grown-up Fred Savage abuses insecure girlfriend Candace “DJ Tanner” Cameron to the point of hilarious death. That was kid stuff compared to Fear, Mark Wahlberg’s big break-through thriller about a charming drifter becoming violently infatuated with 16 year old Reese Witherspoon. Classic cars are trashed, dogs decapitated, and Alyssa Milano gets smacked. On her butt cheek. And yet, every Titanic-seeing classmate I knew was smitten. If only Wahlberg had aimed his doorbell shout at them.

Basis of Attraction: Witherspoon’s innocence, even if it gets questioned in one of the most memorable roller coaster sequences since National Lampoon's Vacation

Warning Signs: Soft-spoken Boston accent, subtle flirtation with stepmom

7. The Hand That Rocks the Cradle

I imagine nanny screening is an intense pursuit more difficult than shoe shopping or choosing a college major. Hence, it’s easy to forgive Annabella Sciorra’s Claire Bartel for eagerly hiring Rebecca DeMornay’s Petyon Flanders when she appears to saves Baby Joey from a (staged) choking. For a while, Petyon seems like the best thing in babysitting since Mary Poppins. Too bad she’s actually harnessing a jealous rage towards Claire for destroying the perfect life Peyton almost had with her successful--and perverted--gynecologist husband. Like Annie Wilkes, Petyon isn’t romantically  obsessed with the heroine (or even her dense husband) but when it comes to getting what she wants, that icy blond charmer is one productive go-getter. What is it she covets? How about Claire’‘s identity and all that comes with it: beautiful house, successful husband, adorable/thirsty baby, and decent child actor of a daughter. Good thing picket fences are pointy.

Basis of Attraction: Living the perfect life after causing another woman's naughty Hippocratic oath-abusing husband to kill himself, greenhouse skills

Warning Signs: Chick has better breast milk, clumsy near perfume

8. Patrick</b>

Clara Barton Syndrome strikes with full force in this 1978 Aussie thriller. Three years in a coma, what else can a bug-eyed young chap do but fall in love with the smart and sassy nurse assigned to change his diaper, well-played by Susan Penhaligon (the nurse, not the diaper, cursed dangling modifiers). Gifted with telekinesis but restricted by body and basic ugliness, Patrick attempts to woo the young woman with an unorthodox approach: nearly drowning a suitor, burning her estranged husband, and writing her letters as so:

Surprisingly, the feelings aren’t reciprocated.

Basis of Attraction: Top bedpan skills, good listener

Warning Signs: Inappropriate spitting, Dude causes inconvenient blackouts 

Obviously, I may have missed a few. Already names likeThe Crush, Obsessed, and Fatal Attraction pop up, although --hold her monocles--I've never seen these titles which explains their omission. Add your own and remember: secret admirers may seem romantic, but you never know what that mysterious paramour wants in return for a few overpriced Godiva chocolates.

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!

A recent viewing of 1995’s Rumplestilskin gave me 90 minutes of awful fairy tale jokes, muted kills, and a medieval troll with a Bronx accent battling out a future heroine on NBC’s Passions. How surprised would you be if I told you the filmmakers were also responsible for another early 90s little person horror, the one and only pogo stick stabbing Leprechaun?  And how disappointed am I that Warwick Davis’ feisty Irishman does not even stop by for a Hitchcockian cameo? 

I don’t doubt that the director of Rumpelestilskin had that sleeper of a Jennifer Anniston hit on his mind the entire filming process and banked on a multi-film franchise wherein the baby-eating Rumpy and the shoe cleaning redhead team up for a wacky road adventure where hijinks ensue and puns are abused. More likely, there’s a script somewhere buried in a studio basement chronicling a Freddy Vs. Jason-like battle set in the petite section of a department store. For good reason, this didn’t happen, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t inspire me to imagine a few more notable showdowns of horror I’d like to see. 

Place your bets and sound the bells:

1.Let the Right One In‘s Eli vs. Anne Rice’s Claudia

My team: Eli

Vegas favorite: Claudia

Kirsten Dunst’s curly haired bloodsucker may seem a little too prissy to best Sweden’s latest vampire queen, but the future Mary Jane Watson had plenty of bite when it came to attacks. The fascinating Eli, on the other hand, has a slightly larger conscience that could potentially lead to some weaknesses in hand-to-hand combat. Plus, she doesn’t seem to enjoy the kill, shifting the work to her handler whenever possible, whereas the eternally young and better-dressed Claudia hunts everyone from little boys to chubby samaritans with equal relish. Should the fight become a tag-team match, however, Eli may squeak by with the help of the devoted and slightly sociopathic Oskar. Claudia is saddled with two pretty boys who are far too easily distracted by a smoldering Antonio Banderas and/or ruffled sleeves. Know the setup before putting down your cash.

2. Norman Bates vs. Leatherface vs. Buffalo Bill

My team: Leatherface

Vegas favorite: Leatherface

Ed Gein did some truly terrible things in his life, including inspiring Hannibal, the Renee Zellwegger/Matthew McConaughey starring TCM installment, and Gus Van Sant’s Psycho . We’ll overlook a few reprehensible sequels and get to the meat of a few classic villains, then throw them all in a mud pit and aim a tranquilizer gun at the winner...who is undoubtedly from Texas. Buffalo Bill has the best style and Norman Bates gets the sentimental vote, but really, how can a poodle-petting tailor and a mild-mannered mama’s boy even come close to competing with the best (and best equipped) butcher in the south?

3.Leslie Vernon vs. Man Bites Dog’s Benoit

My team: Leslie Vernon

Vegas favorite: Leslie Vernon

When these two murdering media whores butt heads, the results could easily be the best reality show of all time. But unless we’re talking Survivor All Stars , there can only be one winner. Benoit is a bit more of a utility serial killer, with methods ranging from full body gutting to inspiring fatal heart attacks in the elderly. Vernon edges out the Belgian sociopath with overall endurance and athletic ability, plus years of intense training that should hold up in any fight with a cigarette smoking pianist. At the same time, Benoit does have one major advantage over the charismatic Vernon: a revolver and good aim. Then again, when was the last time a gunshot put (and kept) a good slasher down? 

4. Ragers of 28 Days Later vs. Romero’s Traditional Undead

My team: Shamblers

Vegas favorite: Shamblers

Sure, those steroid-high sprinters would take an early lead in establishing world domination, but like Leslie Vernon, Shamblers don’t die easily. As Danny Boyle taught us and countless horror nerds have preached, infected humans are ultimately mere mortals restricted to the same biological life limitations as you or me. Give them a few months and they will starve. True zombies, however, are the cockroaches of the apocalyptic future. I’m not going to get into the biology of what happens if a Rager spits blood in a Shambler’s eye or if a slow-moving ghoul takes a bite out of an angry plague victim because it doesn’t matter. Somewhere in the world I don’t ever want to live in (okay, not true at all), there is a locked car or jammed closet door housing a Savini made corpse with one thing on its mind. And when the last of those infected breath their last rabid breath, the dead will shamble on. To eat them.

5.The Firefly Clan vs. Spider Baby ’s Merrye Family

My team: Merryes

Vegas favorite: Fireflies

I'm actually not unsure that Jack Hill’s Merrye clan--which included a young, rabid, and and skinny Sid Haig without hair--aren’t ancestral relations to Rob Zombie’s psychotic Devil’s Rejects--which, whatdya know, includes an older, rabid-ish, and not skinny Sid Haig...still without hair. The Merryes are twisted and murderous, but also entertaining and a total blast to hang out with. The Fireflies are sadistic and annoying, although they do know how to party. Sadly I don’t see beloved little Virginia, Ralph, and Elizabeth successfully fighting off the knife-and-gun wielding Baby and Otis, although Lon Chaney’s adoptive patriarch could probably take a nice bite out of Haig’s fatherly clown. 

6. Death, Final Destination, vs. Death, The Seventh Seal

My team: FFD

Vegas favorite: SSD

Though we never actually meet him or her, Final Destination’s embodiment of Death (herein known as Fred) comes off an awful lot like a Bond villain. It has a very important job in disposing of a few attractive characters, but Fred seems to find the task impossible to do without pomp and circumstance (I’m expecting a shark tank to make an appearance in the upcoming installment). In contrast, Igmar Bergman’s personification of the big D (let’s call him Sal) set the standard for fifty plus years of pop culture references (the high point being William Sadler’s take in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey) by making a tall goth dude with an uncanny skill at chess. I couldn’t really hazard a guess as to Fred’s ability with pawns, but I’m sure he could think up a neat and painful way to use that pointy little cross atop the bishop piece. Of course, by the time’s he’s done that, Sal has already taken the queen and cornered the king. Checkmate.

7. Inside‘sLa Femme vs. Pamela Voorhees

My team: La Femme

Vegas favorite: Mama V

I’m calling this fight on sheer numbers. Yes, Beatrice Dalle’s baby-craving home invader is hardcore and creative, but Mrs. Voorhees axed into an entire summer camp staff AND managed to inspire a 12 film and growing franchise that defined (for better and much much worse) the 1980s. With that kind of cred, I can’t imagine Betsy Palmer losing her head over a former model wielding home scissors.

8.High Tension’s Marie vs. Martyrs’s Lucie

My team: Lucie

Vegas favorite: Marie

I declare such a matchup immediately forfeit, as Marie’s very character defies any logic. Sure, I could say that the pixie-cut Frenchwoman has proven herself a worthy successor to a camp-hating hockey fan and a William Shatner faced Illinoisian, but that would mean accepting that everything that happens in High Tension makes any sense. Which it doesn’t. So. Call the fight before it starts and give poor Lucie something to smile about. After all, the poor dear’s been through quite a lot.

9. Damien vs. the entire underage population of Village of the Damned vs. Pet Semetary’s Gage vs. Rhoda Penmark vs. The Brood vs. the triple threat of Bloody Birthday , and any other juvenile horror villain:

Toss ‘em all in a deep deep ball pit and let them sort it out. The results may be too chaotic to call, but I imagine the last two standing to be Bloody Birthday’s villainess and the overachieving Bad Seed herself. And if that fight doesn’t scare you from ever having--or looking at--children, then you, my fierce friend, are the toughest competitor of all.

Never Mumble To Strangers

As film debuts and studio produced horror goes, Bryan Bertino's The Strangers is a fairly impressive little foray into the much overused home invasion genre. When compared to foreign cinema with similar setups, it's decent.


Quick Plot: A painfully unnecessary and dumbly ambiguous prologue recycled from TCM and The Blair Witch Project opens the film to inform us that a lot of brutal crimes happen in America. In case you can't handle not knowing what kind of film you're about to see, the kindly narrator lets us know that something really bad happened to two people we’re about to meet.

Get it? It's a horror movie. Clear? Let's move on:


Cut to a hauntingly bloody kitchen rotting in the morning sun before heading back to the events of the previous evening. A young couple returns to a lonely country house carrying more melancholy weight than Sarah McLaclahn at a mass puppy funeral. He proposed. She said no. That would spoil most people's nights, but it gets a whole lot worse when a trio of masked psychos decides to break in and spend the next few hours hunting the pretty leads with sharp knives, heavy axes, and a whole lot of stealth.

If all this sounds a bit familiar, then yes, you've seen it before in films like Vacancy, Straw Dogs, Funny Games, Inside, and almost directly, Ils. The Strangers never pretends to tread new territory, which is both its biggest strength and weakness. There are some excellent moments of creepy imagery, slightly unsettling actions, and perfectly timed jump scares early in the film before the masked maniacs are totally unleashed. Where I found that Ils (aka Them) took a little too much time establishing its tense atmosphere before finding its stride, The Strangers succeeds best at creating and building a haunting setup. Unfortunately, once the chase takes center stage, Bertino’s uniquely built tension slips more than Liv Tyler in an overgrown forrest of horror cliches. It's suspenseful enough, but eventually, Bertino runs out of ideas in staging stalking.


High Points
Excellent music choices played on a scratchy LP create an early mood of old-fashioned weirdness

Burlap sacks as masks are naturally scary. Any person willing to subject his or her cheeks to such itchiness must be a true badass


What probably separated The Strangers from a lot of direct-to-DVD horror was Liv Tyler's name, and while she's no Meryl Streep, her and Scott Speedman do make a sympathetic and realistically imperfect couple. The natural awkwardness of their failing romance gives The Strangers an extra layer of character that makes, at least the early scenes before the reveal of what's actually happening, a little more tense

Low Points
I guess James Earl Jones and John Laroquette were too expensive. Hence, the filmmaker grabbed someone with a clear speaking voice, handed him Macauly Culkin's Talkboy purchased on ebay from the set of Home Alone 2, then slowed the speed to create an unimpressively deep and artificial bass to voice the opening

While Tyler and Speedman do a fine job, I can’t imagine whose idea it was to cast two actors known primarily for their quiet and rather inaudible enunciating vocal performances


SPOILER
Like High Tension, I found the opening teaser scene to be unnecessary and unfair. I imagine the filmmaker wanted to compensate for the lack of early bloodshed by hinting at what’s to come, but it takes a lot away from a suspenseful 90 minute 2 character hunt to reveal the final result in the first two minutes


Lessons Learned
Cigarettes will indeed kill you


Wearing masks does little to lower the range of one’s peripheral vision

When proposing, always have a backup plan in the event your intended declines your ring. Otherwise, you not only risk spending a very awkward night drinking champagne for the wrong reasons; you may very well become the prey of mask-wearing quiet people


Rent/Bury/Buy
This is definitely worth one viewing with the lights off, but I don't see it gaining any sort of classic status. There's a lot to admire in Bertino's tense staging and depressingly dark atmosphere, but the effect starts to wear off as the chase scenes physically intensify. A quietly moved cell phone and unseen shadowy figure lurking behind our oblivious heroine is far scarier than the gory sendoff of a minor character. There's not a lot to say about The Strangers, but that's not necessarily a terrible thing. Sometimes, a tight, somewhat predictable but cleanly made little horror is all you really need to keep your DVD player warm and filmic appetite sated.