If Only They Were Neutered...

When it comes to filmmaking, one of the best ways to earn some audience bonus points is to simply add a whole lot of affection for genre cinema. Shaun of the Dead remains a beloved classic not just because it’s clever, but because it taps into the mind and heart of horror afficionados who like their Fulci & Foree references subtle and classy.

Doghouse, a horror-comedy directed by Jake West, is clearly made by people who love horror. You would probably guess that by the mere fact that one major character owns a comic store and makes hourly references to The Evil Dead, or, through minor research (i.e., scrolling down IMDB) learning that West himself has made documentaries about--take a guess--The Evil Dead. You probably already know what type of film you're about to be watching.


Quick Plot: Vince (Li'l Al Capone from Boardwalk Empire, a fine actor that probably has a real name that’s not nearly as much fun to say as Li'l Al Capone) is down in the dumps as he recovers from a recent divorce. To cheer him up, his assorted male mates decide to rent a bus (which includes a plucky blond bus driver) and do some relaxing in the small village where pal MIkey grew up. Sounds like a lovely plan, which in horror filmese translates into a terrible idea that will bring about cannibalism, cross-dressing, and cursing.

See, the town of Moodley is having some issues, namely, the minor tourist-killing tradition wherein all the females have been turned into hungry man-hating/man-eating zombies. It’s a minor inconvenience.

Our heroes, it should also be said, are closer in vein to Shaun and Ed than Roger and Peter. The best plans they can come up with almost exclusively include novelty items from an abandoned toy shop, which is actually quite awesome. Would you believe me when I said the best and most suspenseful scene the of film features a remote-controlled car with a decapitated head riding shotgun?

That, of course, is part of Doghouse’s problem, as it never quite masters that fine balance between silly goofs and genuine scares. It will make you laugh, whether by way of zombie with a walker or a geek homage, but it just doesn’t have that lasting emotional weight of, well, Shaun of the Dead. A good time, just not one nearly as memorable.

High Points

Though Doghouse isn’t going for breaking the zombie mold, it does produce some interesting twists on the infection. Yes, we’ve seen the military-virus-for-better-war-practices angle before, but how the actual monsters evolve is rather neat

Mild spoiler: by about the 45 minute mark, I started to wonder if anyone was actually going to die in this movie. Doghouse does a rather incredible job of stretching out its lighthearted mood so far that you truly believe everyone is safe and will finish the film with a group hug. They don’t. But what works so well is that the film takes SO LONG to kill its first victim that by the time it happens, you truly are shocked and saddened. It’s a unique trick I haven’t really seen too often in a horror comedy (oh yeah, except for Shaun of the Dead)

Low Points

Though all the actors are quite strong, there’s something lacking in their brotherly relationship that ultimately limits the emotional and intellectual weight of Doghouse. We care about these guys, but it never feels like they care as much about each other as is needed in a film about male companionship overcoming the horrors women put them through

Lessons Learned

Toy lightsabers are not adequate zombie fighting weapons

Water pistols, on the other hand, are far more versatile than you might think

A few things worse than getting divorced: rape, murder, castration, and being hunted by angry undead hair dressers

A personal reminder: I really should be using the adjective ‘sodding’ more often in my daily speech

Rent/Bury/Buy

Doghouse is an enjoyable, if slightly frustrating little film that would make a fine light-hearted party movie with drunken chatty friends. Though it hints at some intriguing commentary on the battle of the sexes and how men are emasculated, the film is ultimately too fluffy to really make any important statements. Couple that with the characters’ general goofiness and you have a perfect companion to something like Severance, another British horror comedy that produces plenty of fun while never quite ascending to Shaun of the Dead levels of perfection.

Vay-Slay-tion...eh, it's vacation; I can't be bothered to make a clever title

There are a lot of options when it comes to choosing a vacation plan. Too bad most are simply one-way tickets taking you straight into horror movie hell. 

Examine:

Cabin In the Woods

Sometimes you just want to get away from it all, snuggle into a flannel and tap into your inner woodsy hermit. Too bad this usually ends in zombification, skin-rotting disease, sexual abuse via forestry or genital mutilation. What, you think Evil Dead, Cabin Fever, and Lars Von Trier's Antichrist are exceptions to the rule?

Athletic Excursions

Most of us prefer to exercise our alcohol tolerance during a vacation, but there are the bizarre few who escape to foreign lands in order to best be active. Serves these physical overachievers right for encountering such horrors. Robert Fuest's 1970 chiller, And Soon the Darkness, follows two fit young women exploring the French countryside via bicycle, working their legs so much that it becomes impossible to run away from the mysterious menace hunting their ten-speed path. Similarly, the kickass girl group at the center of The Descent could be enjoying leisure tours of the Appalachian Mountains, but sadly, the only thing they learned from Deliverance was that a sleeveless red leather jacket looks good in the wilderness.

Snowy Escape

If you're like me, you see the sweltering heat of summer as a preview of hell, making a winter getaway in June as close as you'll come to the pearly gates. It makes perfect sense for the Norwegian med students to snowmobile their way through Dead Snow while on a school break; it's just a shame their drinking games get interrupted by Nazi zombies. Things could be worse. They could be fighting their own flesh and blood, much like the ill-fated parents of The Children, another winter-break horror that ends in doom.

Island Adventure

Because you know how much directors like the contrast of blood on snow, you wise up and hit the sand somewhere safe where no real-life horror can ever find you. Of course what you get instead is generally a supernatural menace thirsting for your suntanned flesh. Look to Lucio Fulci’s Zombie for a pair of innocent (just slightly nude) scuba divers thrown into an undead infested Caribbean paradise. And no, don’t assume you’re safe just because you already survived a harrowing horror movie fate. Poor Sheriff Tiler has to rebattle the titular Jack Frost in the 2000 sequel to the world’s greatest film about a killer snowman. Yes, there’s a killer snowman in the tropics. Don’t think too hard. You’re on vacation.

Cruisin

As long as you’re immune to seasickness, why wouldn’t you hop on board a cruise ship? Live music, shuffleboard, and daily all-you-can-eat buffet trips...What’s the catch? Nothing really. Just the minor inconvenience of being stalked and slaughtered by a tall dude with a machete (if, of course, you’re referring to the first 3/4 of Jason Takes Manhattan). Rather keep your itinerary in your own hands? It’s hardly safer, at least if you’re weak to the charms of Billy Zane (and who isn’t?). That’s the lesson learned by Sam Neill and Nicole Kidman in 1989’s Dead Calm, and unless you plan on having sex with a psychopath and aiming a bow and arrow at your beloved pooch, I advise you observe it carefully.

Road Trip Fun

See America the way Henry Ford intended with a cross-country road trip accompanied by hours of I Spy. One can only cycle through 99 Bottles of Beer On the Wall so many times before the  need for a new adventure rises, at which point there are plenty of inbred cannibals (Wrong Turn), possessed mannequins (Tourist Trap) and dysfunctional psychotic families (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) waiting to make your vacation a little more memorable.