Thursday, April 19, 2012

Cabin In the Woods WaaOooOooOooh

You. Yeah, you. No, not the bobblehead on your desk or dog at your feet: you. 
You the human being with $15 in your pocket. You the creature with feet that can walk you or wheels that can wheel you to a movie theater. You the homo sapien with one index finger that can operate a touchscreen, or one mouth that can speak to a cinema employee containing more than one finger to ring up a single ticket order. 

Yeah, YOU.
Go see Cabin In the Woods. Now. Go.

Why are you still here? Can you not read? If so, I'm sorry for insulting you but OH YEAH NO I'M NOT SINCE YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT I DID SINCE YOU SAID YOU CAN'T READ.
I hope not. I hope you didn't see it because I hope you're currently sitting in a pleather theater seat with some poisoned popcorn grease staining your jeans as you stare up at a movie screen, a movie screen cycling through some overinformative trailers. I hope you're not even reading this on your iPhone since that should already have been turned off. 

Do you hear me?
I hope not.
Go. Go open your wallet to boost this movie’s box office return. Tell your friends to make them happy. Mace a bootlegger hocking the burned DVD in the hopes of creating a bigger demand. Do what you have to do. 

Just see the movie.
And watch out for unicorns. Our race wiped that out for a reason.


  1. I most assuredly will go see this as soon as it comes out over here! As for now, I've just recently bought a double-feature DVD of two 70's Aussie horror films! Yaeayuh! (That was my closest guess at spelling the Awesome Yeah Guy from A Nightmare on Elm St. 2! haha!)

  2. Woohoo all the way Chris! I mean, (clears throat), Yaeyuh!

    Vish, me too. Believe you me, me too.

  3. Wife and I saw and loved it. (Slight SPOILER) Was I the only one a little disappointed that instead of a hand we didn't get to see tentacles accompanied by the sound of bat wings?
    Ponies 4ever, Unicorns never!

  4. Hm. Tentacles DO make things better. A minor flaw we'll forgive.

    Unicorns are so fun! Unicorns are NUMBER 1!

  5. Emily, "the phantom of pulp" is the only person on the entire internet whos had the guts to tell the truth about "the cabin in the woods".

  6. It's funny that I stopped by here this morning to see this glorious review because I'm going to see Cabin this afternoon! I'm pretty excited, and I cannot believe I have not heard one person say they dislike it!

  7. Opinions are relative Teddy. I don't agree with that review, but nothing makes everyone happy.

    Hope you enjoy it Matt! Can't wait to hear your thoughts.

  8. Just got home from seeing it. It was amazing. My husband, who isn't really a horror fan even loved it (he is a Joss fan so...) I am so happy though! YAY original horror! Thank goodness it's doing well.

  9. Great movie. I'm currently arguing that with a couple of idiot friends on FB. How do you convince people who think the sky is green that the sky is blue? So hard. So, so hard.

  10. That's when you give up and sever them from your lives completely. Sacrifices must be made sometimes.

  11. Okay, so... I am/was/will forever in history be late to the party when it comes to Cabin In The Woods.

    For that reason, for literally everyone in my life who likes genre films, raved about this movie.

    Great, I thought. I finally sat down to watch September of last year and thought, "Entertaining. Really enjoyed it. Made me smile. Would watch again. But... meh."

    I think my "meh" is due to everyone's Kermit-arm flailing in my head while I was watching. I'll fully admit that reviews/opinions influence me sometimes. Possibly more when they're all good.

    I tip my hat to Cabin In The Woods but I wouldn't hype it.

  12. I can totally see a post-hype CitW screening being disappointing. I saw it opening night barely even knowing it was a Whedon joint, so the immediate excitement was insane. It holds up well to rewatches. But yes, if EVERYONE kept saying GREATEST THING EVER, then sure, watching it might leave one wanting more.