You. Yeah, you. No, not the bobblehead on your desk or dog at your feet: you.
You the human being with $15 in your pocket. You the creature with feet that can walk you or wheels that can wheel you to a movie theater. You the homo sapien with one index finger that can operate a touchscreen, or one mouth that can speak to a cinema employee containing more than one finger to ring up a single ticket order.
Go see Cabin In the Woods. Now. Go.
Why are you still here? Can you not read? If so, I'm sorry for insulting you but OH YEAH NO I'M NOT SINCE YOU WOULDN'T KNOW THAT I DID SINCE YOU SAID YOU CAN'T READ.
I hope not. I hope you didn't see it because I hope you're currently sitting in a pleather theater seat with some poisoned popcorn grease staining your jeans as you stare up at a movie screen, a movie screen cycling through some overinformative trailers. I hope you're not even reading this on your iPhone since that should already have been turned off.
Do you hear me?
I hope not.
Go. Go open your wallet to boost this movie’s box office return. Tell your friends to make them happy. Mace a bootlegger hocking the burned DVD in the hopes of creating a bigger demand. Do what you have to do.
Just see the movie.
And watch out for unicorns. Our race wiped that out for a reason.