Monday, December 11, 2023

Fool Me Once...


As you might remember, a few weeks back, I discovered an oddball Canadian sci-fi horror comedy (maybe) about aliens masquerading as sorority sisters with a plan to seduce college boys for breeding purposes. It was weird. Naturally, the fact that it had a sequel that was ONLY available by Netflix disk in the last gasps of Netflix disk air meant I had to have it.

Here we go.

Quick Plot: A few years after the wild events of Decoys, Luke has survived his alien romp to become an extremely anxious TA at a new university. He's assisting evolutionary professor Buckton, played with gravelly perfection by 2023's it boy Tobin Bell. Luke is also wisely in therapy with psychiatrist Dr. Geisner, played by Dina Meyer and thus giving the world the Saw II/III reunion it's been craving.

Elsewhere, undergraduate frat boys are being terrible, as is the norm. One group decides to do the very 2007-ish activity of a sex contest to see who can bed the most women, and yes, video evidence is required to count. Nevermind that it's a sex crime (or will be in the near future). Most will thankfully die horrible alien tentacle death.

All sport offensively terrible haircuts.

Look, I know 2007 was 16 years ago, but did men REALLY do this to their heads? 

Anyway, the first film's sole surviving decoy Constance (Kim Poirier) is back, now in the role of a doctor with enough sway to convince those who matter that Luke has a few screws loose in his pretty less awful haircut head. It works because Luke acts like a lunatic. Meanwhile, Constance sets her protegees on the male populace, armed now with a handy ability to scan their brains in order to nail the exact sexual fantasy that will keep them ripe for impregnation activities.

Thankfully, young Sam and Stephanie smarten up to the alien invasion and are able to rally the troops with some quick molotov cocktails and flamethrower sprays. We get a bit more action than in the first Decoys, which keeps things moving for a satisfying finale.

Decoys 2 is directed by Jeffery Scott Lando, who I last experienced via the extremely strange Goblin. This is definitely a better film, though much like the first Decoys, it still left me confused as to exactly what I was supposed to be getting out of it. It's too silly to be sexy or scary, but there still aren't enough winks that confirm the filmmakers fully embrace the joke. So credit for feeling like a true sequel, and a mild shrug for being entertaining enough.

High Points
Like the first film, I do believe Decoys 2 understands that there is inherent comedy in the overactive libidos of young men, and here and there, there are sparks of smart jabs
Low Points
There are plenty of things that don't fully work in Decoys 2: Alien Seduction, but I'll be petty and harp on the most glaring: what is WITH the wigwork on these women? Are the actresses actually extraterrestrials with weirdly shaped heads that can't manage a simple dye job? 

Lessons Learned
Ska was big in the mid-Canadian aughts

Flip phones had a much better cold tolerance than today's Apple products

Grad students aren't supposed to be good-looking

Do I regret using one of my last Netflix disk slots for Decoys 2: Alien Seduction? Of course not. Do I recommend you put any effort into finding this movie? Probably not. If you adored the first film (which is more accessible on Peacock) then sure, this is for you. For all others, there's a whole wide world of movies out there. Don't kill yourself finding this one. 

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