I often use this introductory space less as anything specific to the featured film and more as a mood setter. Maybe I'm explaining why I chose this movie or describing something random that strikes as the right overture. But today, let me use it as a warning space to spoil my review of a well(ish)-made horror film that's also atrocious.
Breeder, a Danish film streaming on Amazon Prime, is oozing with the kind of keywords that make many non-horror fans gasp and say, "How can you watch that?!" and many devoted horror fans tug on their collars and say, "they're not ALL like this." It's the kind of extreme European cinema that was popular in late aughts, forcing shock value in its subject matter in ridiculous ways.
We're talking sexual abuse, dead babies, pulled teeth, equine eroticism, bodily fluids, and rust. So much rust (possibly because of all the bodily fluids).
Proceed if you wish (my opinion: you shouldn't).
Quick Plot: Elly is a pro runner married to Thomas, a financial investment expert with a whole lot tied up in the mysterious Dr. Isabel Ruben's biotech research company. Ruben has created a groundbreaking treatment that allows men to stop the aging process. Sure, it's still a few years away from agency approval and proper testing, but who can argue with the results?
Well, the non-consenting test subjects, to start. Elly discovers that young women are being kidnapped and dumped in the kind of underground metallic lair that makes Jigsaw's decorating look like Martha Stewart. Ruben employs two sadistic caretakers (The Dog and The Pig) to handle the dirty work, which often includes perks like urinating on screaming women or shooting an industrial staple gun in their faces. Oh, and did I mention that each is also genetically impregnated in order for the fetus to be stripped for parts? IT'S A DELIGHT.
This is the kind of content we got a LOT of back in the torture porn and French extremity booms. It's not enough to just tell a story about a morally bereft scientist: nah, what we REALLY need is a morally bereft scientist who condones grisly torture and foregoes any kind of sanitary standards. We need a heroine who also has a horse fetish and can only find sexual satisfaction masturbating in a barn (don't ask). And because this is important, we'll also have self-important narration.
In case it wasn't clear, I hated Breeder. Directed by Jens Dahl (probably best known for co-writing Nicolas Winding Refn's debut Pusher), it's one of those extreme genre films obsessed with its own grossness. I laughed at this interview where screenwriter Sissel Dalsgaard Thomsen described "the feminist angle". Sure, having an entire prison population of kidnapped women kill their captors with their bare hands should feel satisfying, but when the film has already spent most of its running time making a point to show their strategically bloodied (and, lest it be forgotten, URINATED ON) clothing, you can't expect me to scream "GIRL POWAH".
High Points
Remember how I said The Descent 2 had more poop than any film I'd ever seen? Well, Breeder has more pee. This isn't in any way a good thing but I don't know, I guess it's something I'll remember, and I'll take that tidbit over the various fetus piles
Low Points
I guess it's the odd plotting, but among the many things I hated about this movie, I'll harp on the 100 minute runtime that felt somehow longer than Babylon and every other unreasonably long Oscar nominated film combined
The dirtier your research facilities, the more revolutionary the research
A man's weakness is often cream-filled chocolate
Never trust a 61-year-old who appears to be in her early 40s
Rent/Bury/Buy
Ugh. No, you don't need to see Breeder. That was easy!
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