My Bloody Gaekkebrev

Abandoned mines! Ouja warnings! Zombie attacks! Funny accents!

Eh, we’ll leave the intro right there.

Quick Plot: A nineteenth century pre-credits flashback tells the tale of Andries Martiens, a child killer with a thing for heads-on-stakes. 

It’s pointy.

Flash forward to the present day, where a young woman named Kristel wants to take time off from school against the wishes of her historian father. After partying with her not great, not awful friends, Kristel gets a ride home with dad only to end up in a fiery collision that kills him. Survivors guilt is on its way.

To close down some business, Kristel teams up with her okay enough pals for a road trip to a Belgian mine, home to her late father’s final manuscript. What begins as something I would consider an awesome after hours haunted tour (there’s a cheap animatronic and EVERYTHING) turns into disaster when the gang,  plus enthusiastic tour leader are stuck underground with the saucy spirit of a 200 year old murderer who can possess dead or dying bodies with zombie-like urgency.

Having based what I knew about Slaughter Night simply on the quick recommendation of my Girls On Film cohostess Cristina and Netflix’s basic description, I was expecting a breezy slasher about pretty Europeans getting face axed, something along the lines of the good, if rote Cold Prey. I *kind of* got that, but Slaughter Night actually offers a lot more. The backstory of the killer is fairly gruesome, and setting the film in a My Bloody Valentine-esque mine (complete with the danger of methane explosions) offers plenty of natural potential. More neatly, the fact that instead of one big lug wielding sharp objects on our young pretty heroes is replaced by the victims rising with glowing eyes and bitey teeth...now that’s new.

High Points

Much like the aforementioned Norwegian Cold Prey, Slaughter Night utilizes excellent gore effects, making head rip-offs wet, juicy, gross, and realistic. Not that I’ve ever SEEN one, but I have my ideas

Low Points

While the teens of Slaughter Night are certainly an improvement over the last few young people in peril films viewed here, they still don’t really register as anything overly special to root for, especially when the seemingly endless supply of blond boys never seems to dwindle

Lessons Learned

Spirits are lousy at spelling

Nothing like popping a pill down a mine!

Having an adverse effect to drugs is never fun, but having an adverse effect to drugs when trapped in a haunted mine is a sure way to kill your buzz

Rent/Bury/Buy

I was more than pleasantly pleased by Slaughter Night, an excellently made slasher with a clever and well-executed zombie twist. The film won’t change your life, but it’s a great way to kill 90 brutal minutes with some great jumps and even better gore.