I feel an itch. More like a burn. And no, I’m not leading into a cowbell joke.
It’s my not-so-secret society ring sending an alert! Stacie Ponder’s Final Girl Film Club is back in session, and today’s movie to be reviewed by myself and a whole lot of other bloggers is the Norwegian horror, Cold Prey.
Quick Plot: Two couples and a fifth wheel drive up a mountain to the middle of Norwegian nowhere to do some free-spirited snowboarding because of course, nothing bad has ever come from avoiding the tourist hubs and exploring the frozen wilderness on your own.
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Within two minutes, the single Morten breaks his leg. A token ‘no cell service’ shot leads the gang to settle in for the night at an abandoned inn filled with aging booze and, whaddya know, lots of bloody secrets.
We’ve got an axe monster! Or more specifically, a very tall man who slices through any Hansel or Gretel that dares to sip his whisky. The kids--I think, though one couple discusses moving in together while the other features a high schoolish virgin, making me completely confused whether they’re 15 or 25--are quickly separated and hunted down in typical but sufficiently gory ways.
There’s virtually nothing original about Cold Prey, something you may notice from my lack of energy in this review. Excuse me while I take some speed Twizzler Nibs.
Back. Great. Energy kick has KICKED and so the killer is kind of scary but we don’t know who he is until the end so it’s hard to know or care and I liked the winter setting because it felt very cold but so did Dead Snow and that one had Nazi zombies and twists and this one had no Nazi zombies or twists but very proficient gore and it looked quite good but was I in the mood for something more? I think I just rhymed but let’s not dwell on that so instead to figure out what I wanted I’d have to go back in time and check that and Nibs don’t have a time machine flavor but if they did that would be AMAZING but then every movie would probably be amazing and how could I still write reviews if all I could say was THIS WAS AMAZING BUT THAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN BECAUSE I WAS HIGH ON NIBS.
Crash. What’d I say?
Cold Prey. Good. Nibs. Even better.
High Points
Final girl Jannicke (Ingrid Bols ‘oh with a cross through it’ Berdal) totally sells the last half of the film by being strong and smart enough to keep her friends alive as long as possible (SPOILER ALERT: it’s not very long)
Low Points
Oh Netflix, on top of nearly doubling my rates, do you have to put dubbed versions of good films on Instant Watch? Do you know how distracting it is to hear overly American accents using names like Ingunn and Mikal?
Lessons Learned, Norway Edition
1 out of 4 Norwegians spend Easter in the mountains (according to statistics)
In Norwegian, “This is going to hurt a little” translates as “This will cause searing pain that will make you wish you were dead”
Superglue is to Norway what maple syrup is to Canada
Rent/Bury/Buy
Cold Prey is a more than competent winter slash ‘em up. It offers just about nothing new, but what it does it does quite well. As an instant watch, it’s perfect for a night when you want a slick, fast-moving horror that won’t hurt your brain. I personally don’t see a buy being necessary, since there are plenty other films out there that would give you the same exact results should you have an urge for good hunts, but hey, I’m not telling you what to do.
Oh wait, yes I am: head over to Final Girl to read a roundup of other Cold Prey reviews. That my friends, is an order.
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This film does feel pretty incomplete doesn't it, like there's a reel of story missing. Well I guess they get into more story in the sequel.
ReplyDeleteSo did you manage to watch the film in Norwegian or dubbed?
Did you dig the ending song?
ReplyDeleteOn Netflix Instant, it's dubbed into English. I can appreciate the convenience of it, but it really does mar the overall effect.
ReplyDeleteI am curious for the sequel. I didn't mind not having too much back story, though it certainly had promise to be fuller developed.
Anonymous: I *think* I did? I don't remember it specifically, but I'm pretty sure I thought it worked.
I had the luck of seeing it on TV, where since I'm in Australia, not only was it uncut (as opposed to films on tv in other countries) but it was in Norwegian with subtitles.
ReplyDeleteAmerica still dubs movies!?!? STILL!? Ugh, any idea why most Americans REALLY seem to hate subtitles so much?
ReplyDeleteHave you ever seen a horror movie Reeker?
ReplyDeleteYou make an interesting point about the language I hadn't considered, Emily. I rented a subtitled version, so all of the talking was Norwegian. Perhaps this helped endear the characters to me, as they sounded exotic speaking their Os with crosses through them and other Nordic sounds. The movie may not have worked quite as well with English dubbing. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteWe don't ALWAYS dub our films. I actually haven't come across one like this in a while, but Netflix instant doesn't give you any options so we're stuck. As I've said before, I don't mind dubbing on already bad or campy movies, but if they have one ounce of seriousness to them, it's generally killed by lip-mismatching and dud accents. It's hard to read performance and as you mention John, hard to ever catch any of the cast's charms.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous (2): I have seen Reeker (I think) and liked it well enough, though I think if I rewatched it, the twist ending would feel a little too well-worn since I've seen SO MANY straight-to-DVD horrors take that route.
I heard some vague rumor on the internet about Glee which said that the actors/tresses playing Finn, Rachel and Kurt have been canned from the show, is this true?
ReplyDeleteWell hello, from one doll to another!
ReplyDeleteI actually waited to review this until my DVD arrived so I could watch it in Norwegian because I knew it would be so much better. Now I kinda regret watching it in dubbed English while I was waiting (it's no longer on Netflix Instant Watch for now).
Your every opinion matches mine, we're opinion twins! "Within two minutes, Morten breaks his leg"!
What I remember from Reeker was the best part was before the opening credits and that part was pretty awesome.
True dat Anonymous. The lead kids are graduating this season. Big changes a'comin'!
ReplyDeleteHey hey Mary! You haven't posted your review yet, right? I'm looking forward to reading it. I also probably prefer Dead Snow (and how can you not group them together?) because it just had something a little more unique.
I don't remember the opening of Reeker! But I remember the twist ending, which was genuinely surprising 5 years ago but one that I'd probably predict IN the opening today.
We have very similar feelings on this film. So I won't ramble too much. I wish it was more original because the setting was so damned effective. But it wasn't, and I'm over it... *sigh*
ReplyDeleteWhat I really wanted to say was that when I watched this on instant, which was a long while ago, it wasn't dubbed. I swear it.
...
(That's to signify the passing of time.)
So I went and checked to see when I watched it, and it was 7/09. And it was not dubbed! That's so weird!
A few weeks ago I watched a film called "High Lane," and that was dubbed, and it ruined it for me. Is this a newer thing? Are all foreign films being transitioned over?
It's a really well-made film, and that's part of the frustration. With that skill, this could have been amazing but yeah...it's...limited.(not signifying time, just using for dramatic effect)
ReplyDeleteNow to the dubbing: how bizarre. I REALLY hope Netflix isn't making this some new standard. I don't mind it here and there, but making it the default is a shame. Is it that hard to give us the option on streaming?
I Haven't seen this one, but i did see Dead Snow. I enjoyed the first part of that film, but lost interest when it started to get too goofy. That was the wrong choice (to go silly) in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteThose twizzlers look delectable.
For me it was the opposite. I was fairly bored until the zombie action kicked in and if memory serves, I enjoyed the humor. It's cool, we can't all be members of the master race.
ReplyDeleteThis is true, I am not master race worthy. Although I do wonder if master racey types prefer nibs or twizzlers?
ReplyDeleteOh Nibs, no question. They're a very full stock.
ReplyDeleteAha, that may also explain the nib-esque moustache fetish.
ReplyDeleteThey're practically MADE for it!
ReplyDeleteI saw Twizzler Nib open up for Nitzer Ebb before they sold out.
ReplyDeleteI watched a HK movie Full Contact on instant watch (mentioned on GGTMC) and it was dubbed, and it seems like dvds of foreign horror will have the original audio track and subtitles, but will default to English. So, in general, I think films considered "genre movies" by the DVD companies are the ones getting dubbed, or just having dubbed tracks as the default option.
Speaking of the GGTMC, I've been listening to it a lot the past month or so, trying to catch up, and therefore hearing a lot of your voicemails. So, I found myself reading this in your voice, but not being able to keep up, since you talk so fast (if that makes sense). So, I had to backtrack a few times. I'd thought you might find that little tidbit amusing. :)
I really don't always mind dubbing, so long as I'm not expected to take the film seriously. Dub me some cheesy action flicks and I"m sold! But I just feel so guilty watching a 'real' movie with a terrible American soundtrack forced over it.
ReplyDeleteAnd me talk fast? Whaaaa? Wanna know the crazy thing? When I listen to podcasts on my iPod, I actually listen in double speed so I can get through them and try to stay up to date. I will concede that in double speed I sound a little..um, quick. Butonlyindoublespeedright?!
That makes people sound like munchkins, and I'm racist against munchkins.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I might try that for certain ones (or 1.5x) in VLC.
Also, don't be offended. You speak quickly because your brain makes words faster than the the slow talkers. Also, you're conveniently already speaking in double time, giving the listener more minutes in the day (in effect).
I really do try to save folks time! We're all very busy people I'm sure!
ReplyDeleteAnd believe it or not, I don't think double speed raises the pitch of the voice. I've never noticed that anyway. Then again, I LOVE Munchkins, considering they were the first celebrities I ever met.
If you speed sound up to any degree, it'll raise the pitch, although it might be slight enough that you don't notice. Maybe you have some magical program. I tried listening to something at 1.5x on VLC, but it had the Chipmunk voices (which are really just munchkin squirrels), and 2x was unintelligible. Oh well. Here, I'll let Patton Oswalt discuss it:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd8jPj5l-S8
I don't know, I don't hear a difference when I listen on my iPod. Then again, I have a somewhat deep voice, so anything to feminize these vocal chords is welcomed. I'll check out the Oswalt clip when I'm home. It can't possibly rival Rape Stove!
ReplyDeleteIf I sped up the GOF podcast then Bra talk would be approximately .25 times shorter.. and that is unacceptable!!
ReplyDeleteTrue, that's almost illegal!
ReplyDelete