Thursday, March 1, 2012

Did I Kill Davy Jones? Also, Thus End'th The Shortening

As we say goodbye to 2012's 2nd Annual Attack of the Vertically Challenged Villains: The Shortening, it brings me incredible sadness to mourn the passing of my very first crush and perennial petite powerhouse, Monkees lead singer Davy Jones.

Growing up in the late '80s, I fell in love with basic cable's reruns of their comedy show, so much so that I used my very first tin of push pins to hang posters of Davy's sparkling eyes on my bedroom walls. Two years ago, I blushed my way through meeting him at New Jersey's Chiller Theater convention where I was excited to discover he was still good-looking AND a good inch and a half taller than me.

While there, I bought a fan club worthy autographed 8x10 glamor shot that still proudly hangs over my toilet, meaning Mr. Jones will forever watch over those who do their bodily business in my apartment.

Davy Jones passed away on Leap Day. As far as I'm concerned, that implies we only have to acknowledge the fact that he died every four years and therefore can go back to daydream believing him back into existence for the other three. That's how the system works and I'm sticking to it.
It's a fitting, solemn end to 2012's Shortening, though personally, I'm a tad disturbed. See, just two weeks ago, I also had to mourn the passing of a celebrity I harbored serious romantic feelings for throughout my elementary school years: former Mets catcher and baseball Hall of Famer Gary Carter, who succumbed to brain cancer on February 16th. If I could have been an underage polygamist in a highly experimental tribe, you can bet a few leprechauns that I would have been Mrs. Emily Intravia-Carter-Jones. It worries me to see the highlights of my youth taken before their time. Now let us lend kind thoughts and extra bodyguards to other notable entries in my imaginary lovebook, including fellow vertically challenged superstars Rick Moranis and Martin Short.

On the sunnier side, we have one last round of Shortening sharing! Thanks and cuddles to the following bloggers who tackled some vertically challenged villains and lived to write about it:

Over at Cinema Gonzo, sir Thomas Duke headed back to the swinging '60s for the oddball little person horror, Curse of the Doll People. Find it in its glory this way

Also on a Mexican trek was Ms. Mermaid Heather, who opened up the toy chest for a review of Dolly Dearest and thusly conquered both The Shortening and Women In Horror Month:

The cool as an air conditioned space Elwood Jones headed up north for one of my personal favorites, David Cronenberg's extra gooey The Brood. Go have a taste.

Dare you forget T.L. Bugg's swap duty covering 2008's killer kids in a winter wonderland classic, The Children. It might not be a fair fight for poor Darby O'Gill's leprechaun army, but the Bugg still does it right.

Finally, though I failed to find a proper doll flick for this month's festivities, the Direct to Video Connoisseur came to the rescue with pristine coverage of Puppet Master 2 and the quick cut-and-paste job (of the movie; not the review) for Dollman vs. Demonic Toys.

As we march on through March, there are glimmers of hope: HorrorHound Weekend's biannual snugglefest, a hopeful Leprechaun marathon on the SyFy Channel, the return of Community, the quest to snag a green milkshake in the Bronx that's supposed to be that way. Will anything top little people conning men out of their souls, shrunken men fighting tarantulas, Mickey Rooney encouraging child labor, or Harry Potter trying to out-act creepy monkey dolls? It's hard to say but I take comfort in knowing we will always have 2012's Shortening, and more importantly, Davy Jones will always watch my houseguests pee.


  1. Also, according to one source, Tony Curtis died today!...which is impressive, given how he's been dead for two years and all!

    Although my Shortening regrettably failed, at least I'm not in a blogging rush anymore. Assuming the blogger gods see fit to ensue that my computer decides to stop being an anti-screenshot bastard, I'll probably end up getting a flood of stuff up in very quick succession, and I'll hope that it doesn't destroy blogger! haha!

  2. What does it say on that Davy Jones autographed letter of yours?

  3. Someone hasn't been reading my blog ;)

  4. Aw Chris, I'm still excited to eventually read your short coverage, Blogger Gods be damned! Wait--I mean, praise Blogger Gods, for they alone know what's right! (Crap!)

    Anonymous: Peace & love

    Heather: Ahh! I've had no time at home the last few days no, I haven't been able to read other blogs as regularly as I usually do. I thought everyone was going to email me with links! I'll add yours when I get home tonight, as I do love, love love, love love love, both you and Dolly Dearest!

  5. No worries Emily. I didn't speak up so I could be included, but to give you a hard time about it. I like doing that. I know, I'm weird.

    I haven't been too good with email the last couple of weeks. Need to correct that since I have some projects going on through them. Anyway, you sure know how to make a girl blush. lol

  6. "The cool as an air conditioned space"

    Thanks for the great compliment, will have to make sure that one goes on the wall :)

    I was going to do a review for "Birth" to go with the review for "The Brood", but by the end of it, I couldn't figure out if it was a horror film or not? It is a really stunningly made film though, so will no doubt post my thoughts on it soon.

    Great season of cross blogging this year and looking forward to next year!

    Glad to hear I'm not the only one bummed out by the sad passing of Davy Jones, which was only made worse by the cretins at work not knowing who he was (cue karate chops to the throat) and brought back memories of Rob Zombie's "Halloween" remake were I seemed to be the only one in the cinema excited by his cameo as the gun store clerk.

  7. Just keeping it chill!

    I absolutely loved Birth and should really revisit it. I think part of what makes it so great is that it DOESN'T really fit into an easy genre. It's too haunting and weird to be straight drama, but there's nothing particularly thriller/horror movieish about it. Kind of reminds me of Todd Haynes' Safe in that way. I'm also a huge Rosemary's Baby fan, so a film that seems to bask in inspiration from it was bound to sit high on my shelf. I hope you do write about it!

    And yes, I had several friends plus my mother text me the Davy Jones news, so it was good to know I wasn't alone in mourning. Stupid young people!

  8. Hey Emily, thanks for putting the links to my two posts and including me in your February Shortening! Also, in total agreement with you on Davy Jones. I remember coming home from school and seeing the Monkees on cable. Sad news on his passing. Also sad about Gary Carter. As a guy who grew up an hour north of Boston, he broke my 7-year-old heart in 1986-- though not as bad as Mookie Wilson. I guess you could say Carter broke both our hearts, though for different reasons.

  9. My pleasure! Thanks for making them good!

    My cat's name is Mookie Wilson and I've always said that if I ever get a fish, I'd have to name it Buckner.

  10. Thanks Emily. You rule.

    HEAD is one of the bestest movies EVA.

  11. And want to hear something truly shameful? I have never seen Head (ducks!)