We've Got a Long Way to Go

I'll never pass over a nuclear apocalypse story, even if it carries a whopping 2.8 out of 10 rating on IMDB...or maybe ESPECIALLY if it carries a 2.8 out of 10. This is me we're talking about.

Quick Plot: Nuclear bombs have dropped throughout the world, with an immediate death count over 3 billion. Retired military captain John Ramsay has figured out how to survive the incoming radiation with a safe home and enough supplies for three people: himself, daughter Joanna, and son-in-law-that-wasn't-to-be Larry. Instead, he begrudgingly opens his doors to five strangers: solid Steve and his radiation-covered brother Granger, jerky Las Vegas stud Mickey  and his danger galpal Jada, and older alcoholic Tim.

John is the kind of guy who spent ten years preparing his house for this exact kind of disaster AND making a scaled diorama of it to show off to eventual guests. He and Joanna quickly take a shine to the stable and smart Steve, but Granger turns everyone off. He not only survives but thrives with his radiation sickness, though side effects include a taste for raw meat.

Other rumblings begin: Mickey gets hot for Joanna, which riles Jada, who relaxes with Tim's moonshine, which offends the straight-laced John, and so on. It's not The Divide levels of conflict, but it stirs enough to put the whole group in danger.

At barely 80 minutes, In the Year 2889 is rather abrupt, both in its ending and general flow. Oddly enough, it's far more defined on some of its characterization. John makes for the kind of believably conservative military veteran who would immediately assign the young man he's never met the second in command role over his own intelligent daughter because, you know, the patriarchy. Joanna has a conscience, Mickey is a slimy villain whose motivations are clear and gross, and Jada lends some spark while being terribly judged by those around her.

That's not really to say this is good stuff. In the Year 2889 was a made-for-television movie and unofficial (though near verbatim) remake of Roger Corman's Day the World Ended. Directed by Larry Buchanan, it's incredibly stiff and visually lazy. Our end-of-the-world landscape is simply the green woods outside John's secluded house, while the mutated villains (take that with a wildly thick grain of salt considering the attitudes of our heroes) wear makeup that amounts to a few stray pieces of gunk glued to their faces. There's just not much here.

High Points
This is one of those films that feels so lacking in ambition that it's hard to summon much enthusiasm for any real aspect of it, so I guess I'll pause to think about how much more fun this all would have been if lumpy drunk Tim and sassy dancing Jada were the last two people on the planet

Low Points

I don't need every nuclear disaster story to end like Threads, but by golly, the sunny nice day sudden resolution defies not only how radiation works, but how any kind of storytelling stakes should go

Lessons Learned
Cowards only fight on their own terms and conditions

The first taste of moonshine is never good, but keep going and the chest hair will grow

Radiation poisoning will hinder your balance, though more at fault is likely the rubber mask that comes with radiation poisoning

Rent/Bury/Buy

I don't think anyone will really get much out of In the Year 2889. The story has been told in far more interesting ways and with much more vibrant style in countless iterations. Still, if you're a completist like me, it's a quick watch on Amazon Prime.