A Very Long Weekend

 

In the year 2024, it seems pretty official that '90s horror, once despised by genre fans, has aged in a fairly charming and enjoyable way. 

Maybe we just need another decade for the grisly aughts to find the same redemption. 

Quick Plot: Rob is a successful prosecutor taking his French artist girlfriend Pia on a romantic getaway. Their destination? Fishing in a rather rudimentary rented boat through the marshes of Australia. Confident Rob wants to do some exploring, while reluctant Pia is quickly proven right in her instincts: they're lost, it's pouring, and the only shelter nearby makes Leatherface's adobe look like Graceland. 

Pia and Rob quickly end up on the bad side of weed-growing brothers Jimmy and Brett, but the worst is still to come with the return of their dad, Poppy. Egos are bruised, baby kangaroos are stewed, and some very rusty implements are put to use.

Storm Warning came out in 2007, which was four entries into the Saw series. Horror was pretty ugly at the time, and I mean that literally. It was the era of including the phrase "grisly violence" under your R-rating in your red band trailer to make sure genre fans had a reason to care. 

As you might guess, this isn't my favorite mood of film. That being said, Storm Warning, with its Aussie bonafides, feels far more justified in its visceral darkness than some of its American counterparts because at its heart, it's Ozsploitation. Screenwriter Everett De Roche penned the story sometime in the '80s following his down under classics Patrick and Long Weekend. While the actual filmmaking feels of the aughts, there is a throwback quality that works.

For director Jamie Blanks, Storm Warning feels slightly out of character. He's better known for the fun twist on late '90s slashers with Urban Legend and the campy Valentine. Storm Warning is meaner, but there are still some touches of dark humor. This is the kind of movie that you can smell, which is both a compliment and a warning.

High Points

Storm Warning has a small cast, but each member delivers incredibly well to elevate the whole film, with Nadia Fares standing out and holding it all together

Low Points

It's just...you know...this is a fairly disgusting and unpleasant film

Lessons Learned

The French are lovable for their ability to cook and be cool

Something they apparently don't teach in Australian law school: if being held captive by a violent band of outlaws, it's best practice to not tell them that you're a lawyer

Even weed-growing dirty Australian backwoods criminals are smart enough to not leave their keys in the car

Rent/Bury/Buy

Storm Warning came out in one of the least enjoyable eras of horror, but for what it is, it's quite good. That doesn't mean you'll ever be in the mood to watch it. Still, when you crave this very specific, rather unpleasant mood of horror, this will satisfy. Find it on Amazon Prime.