All I Want For Christmas Is An End to the Patriarchy

Bob Clark's Black Christmas is a true genre classic, a film that I love more deeply every time I watch it. From the glory of buzzed Margot Kidder taking no crap to Olivia Hussey unapologetically planning an abortion, it's filled with wonderful women and some darn effective horror storytelling. 

It was remade as a fairly of-its-time hard-R in 2008, much to the outrage of the horror community and whaddya know! Nine years later, history repeated itself, only this time, there was an added political punch. Not only was this version made BY women, but it also had the nerve to empower them in a battle against the patriarchy.

Internet boys were mad.

Quick Plot: Welcome to Hawthorne College, a private 200 year old university with a problematic namesake and a very attractive student body.  We start just before the winter break, when sorority girl Lindsay is stabbed to death by a mysterious masked man wielding an icicle. 

The next day, Riley and her sisters begin receiving ominous text messages that seem like a bad prank. No one is surprised, since Riley had previously riled a fraternity's featthers when she accused its president of rape. Her sisters stood by her, while campus security brushed it under the rug. With the encouragement of her activist pal Kris, Riley decides to serve up some sweet vengeance by publicly calling out the college's rape culture via a Mean Girls-ish flirty Christmas number at the greek talent show.

Naturally, the boys don't take it very well, but are they angry enough to embark upon a winter break massacre? 

It's hard to go too deep into Black Christmas without giving away key plot points, so spoilers will follow. If you haven't seen the film, pause here and do so. Yes, I'm in the camp of celebrating this movie, both for its politics and execution. Say what you want: I liked it.

So obviously, yes, yes these spoiled rich white boys are murdering women who scare them because much like the Reptile Boy episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, their secret cult is founded on male toxicity. The metaphor isn't subtle, but hey...it's horror. 

Black Christmas marked the first time Blumhouse produced a female-directed horror film, something so ridiculous to have to write in 2020. Cowriters Sophia Takal (also directing) and April Wolfe clearly approached the material with ambitious goals about calling out the patriarchy and empowering women, and you know what? YES PLEASE.

Look, I know there are A LOT of horror fans, both male and female (but let's face it: mostly male) who despised 2019's Black Christmas. Most of them also hated the 2008 remake when it came out, even though they have no memory of that and will gleefully tell you how much better that version is than Takal's. 

Does Black Christmas have an agenda? Of course it does. The fact that our protagonists' most important weapon is often a set of car kids should tell you a lot, and if you don't understand, then aren't you lucky.

I loved watching this movie. I enjoyed its twists, cared deeply for its protagonists, and found myself generally both excited and involved. Its staging won't give me nightmares, but its Stepford Wives-ish undertones certainly will. 

Give me more movies like this. 

High Points

Imogen Poots brings such a strong, deep well to Riley, managing to project so much carefully buried trauma. The scene where she tries to ask the head of campus security for help while having to SMILE through battling off his accusations is something truly remarkable, and one that almost any woman watching is going to feel as a gut punch for every time she's had to make her point while keeping her rightful anger under the surface

Low Points

I have no issue with PG-13 horror (and in more recent years, have come to fully embrace it when done well) but I'll concede that some of the violence feels muted or cut in a way that does detract from its effectiveness

Lessons Learned

The only way to lose a Diva Cup is with abandon

Every holiday is for looking sexy

Topple all the statues

Rent/Bury/Buy

Is Black Christmas a great horror movie? No. Is it a clever, entertaining, and fresh take on the genre filled with good satire from the kind of voice we need more of? Absolutely.