Monday, February 27, 2017

That Darn (Uninvited) Cat

I've known for years that this realm of the universe contained a Greydon Clark horror flick about a cute cat infected with a homicidal parasite that causes it to birth other cats infected with homicidal parasites in puppet form. For some time, it's been one of those "when I deserve it" future watches to be saved for a day when I've earned the right to say, 

I guess a snow day during February's Shortening was enough of a victory.

Quick Plot: Welcome to Fort Lauderedale, where spring break is in full swing. Normally a batch of oversexed college kids on a boat would be enough of a base to start your movie, but Uninvited has higher ambitions in sight. In addition to our gaggle of spoiled coeds, Clark throws in Alex Cord a slick mobster of sorts aided by henchmen Clu Gulager and the gloriously embittered George Kennedy.

MAN is George Kennedy angry in this movie. Granted, if I was on a yacht en route to my fortune and my boss threw an awful batch of lazy early 20somethings my way, I'd probably want to throw them overboard as well. 

Thankfully, there's an escaped lab experiment feline on hand to dispose of the awful youths with truly powerful puppet fury. 

I don't know how much more I can really say about Uninvited without constantly repeating, "genetically mutated homicidal cat puppet" or "super angry George Kennedy." These are reasons to watch this movie. You want reasons not to watch? Well, the best things I can say about it are "genetically mutated homicidal cat puppet" and "super angry George Kennedy."

High Points
Guys, this movie has a puppet cat birthing genetically mutated homicidal puppet cats from its mouth in order to piss off George Kennedy

Low Points
Guys, this movie is really stupid

Lessons Learned
Fighting the FCC is hard for small potatoes
In the late '80s, hazmat suits resembled space versions of KKK garb

Nobody gets sick on yachts

The beach is for riff raff. Classy broads stay on the marina

The Winning (Pickup) Line
"I think you're better than Jane Fonda."

MELTING, amiright ladies?

Arnie Inevitability
"Must be a tumor--"
In a post-Kindergarten Cop world, has anybody ever been able to make that statement without hearing the kneejerk reaction of "IT'S NOTTA TOO-MAH"?

Art Opportunities
Guys, how great is the various cover art for this movie? A sampling:

How can you argue with that inspiration?

You may be wondering how I could say so little about a movie that involves a genetically mutated cat birthing killer puppets. Well guys, what can I say? This is a stupid movie about a genetically mutated puppet cat. Yes, there's slightly more to the plot (mob ties, drunken boat captains, horny college kids, all of which sort of ties together by the bond of genetic cat puppet mutation) but at the end of the day, this is a stupid killer puppet cat movie elevated by some super '80s touches of glory. Stream for free on Amazon Prime when you feel the need for aerobics or angry George Kennedy. 


  1. This IS a pretty stupid movie, but I found myself sucked in when I watched it on TV years ago. Plus it has Clu, George, and a very young, very blond pre Silk Stalkings Rob Estes so that's something to behold right there. I also love the "practical FX" shots of the boat when the storm hits, which is clearly a toy boat (probably filmed in the director's bathtub)! I'm crossing my fingers that this movie gets selected for the new MST3K series (or even Rifftrax), this would be right up their alley!