Friday, January 30, 2009

You Know You're a Horror Addict When...

Upon channel surfing late last evening, my eyes lit up to see the title Chihuahuas From Hell. Without a second (or even first) thought, I immediately hit 'select' and sat back for what I hoped would be a light-hearted but blood-heavy romp somewhere between Demonic Toys and Cujo, perhaps 90 minutes worth of crappy dog puns, neutering jokes, and of course, a Jamie Lee Curtis one liner/(fingers crossed) cameo to celebrate the success of Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Considering it's my birthday tomorrow, that doesn't seem like a lot to ask.

So. I flip. What do I get? Cesar Millan's kind but stern face shaking in exasperation at a spoiled young woman and her growling lapdog, Peanut.

Perhaps it's the recent death of Monsters HD (The. Best. Channel. Ever.), but I guess I've come to expect that there will always be a horror movie of some ilk available at all times to entertain me. Think about it: Chihuahuas From Hell. Compared to a title like Leprechaun: Back to 'Da Hood (itself a spin-off to a 5 film franchise, making this some sort of mathematical sequel term I can't quite wrap my English major head around), this one sounds like Citizen Kane. Followup titles could include Part Dos: The Return of El Diabolito, Part Tres: Season of the Bitch, the sci-fi entry I, Chihuahua,and of course, should the series prove a massive success, Demon Chihuahuas 22: Electric Boogaloo.

Just saying: if a sheep, snowman, and ice cream sundae get their own star turn, shouldn't we have no limits? Or is there indeed a line-- however fine it may be--that the genre, for its own dignity, should not cross? Will some Full Moon/Troma-esque studio start a division of horror films made to quickly rip off popular children's series, a la the porn industry?

And with all this talk of silly killer horror, where on earth is my silly killer caterpillar movie?