We're Not Going to Talk About It

A '90s horror film I hadn't heard of? Bring it!

Quick Plot: Billy is an American makeup artist working hard on a film shoot in Moscow with her costume designer sister Karen. It's Karen's boyfriend Andy's big break, even if everyone seems to agree that this slasher isn't about to change the industry. 

One night, Billy gets locked on set and catches a show: the camera crew have been pulling a Dracula, only instead of making a superior version of the same film being made in daylight hours, they're producing snuff. Billy barely escapes and manages to bring the police to the scene of the crime, but communicating what she witnessed is pretty tough in a second language. 

Or third, as it were. See, as you might have guessed from the title, Billy can't speak, though her hearing is clear. Karen believes her sister, while obnoxious Andy seems more miffed that the evening's exploits ruined his definitely-would-have-been-terrible dinner. The killers manage to cover their tracks with some tape swapping, but the night is just getting started. 

I don't know that I had ever even heard of Mute Witness until it showed up on Shudder. Like so many horror-adjacent films of mid-90s, it probably felt a bit underwhelming at the time. Nearly 30 years after its release, I found it to be a joy. 

In a lot of ways, Mute Witness is a strange film. It has the dressings of a slasher, but the actual story follows more of a crime thriller narrative with some effective cat-and-mouse hunts. Sprinkled all around it is some clever comedy, usually in the form of bumbling Americans Andy and Karen. Did I mention there's also a Russian crime ring of snuff film production?

Seriously, there's a LOT here in just 90 minutes, and on paper, probably too much. Thankfully, writer/director Anthony Waller has a great hold of all his tools. He stages the violence well, tackles the humor just right, and directs a confident cast. For me, this wasn't in any way what I expected from the two sentence description, but boy did it leave me satisfied.

High Points

As Billy, Russian stage actress Marina Zudina is not only incredibly likable, but also has outstanding chemistry with every one of her costars, right down to the perfect sisterly dynamics with Fay Ripley's very funny Karen

Low Points

While the comedic and almost cartoonish asides worked for me, I can see them grating a bit on some audiences

Lessons Learned

Pockets can hold things your hands will drop, so if your sweaty fingers keep losing a very important key, PUT IT IN YOUR DAMN POCKET

When it comes to self-defense, the hair dryer is mightier than the disposable razor

Chekhov is child's play compared to dying in a low budget slasher

Rent/Bury/Buy

Mute Witness isn't the scariest or funniest movie you'll find on Shudder, but it's such a uniquely balanced ride that you'll find yourself thoroughly entertained. Have a go when you're looking for something fresh (even if it's 30 years old).