Monday, July 31, 2017

It's the Evil Windmill Movie

You've got to have respect for any film studio that looks at their catalog, looks at the world, and says to itself, "You know the one thing I don't think we have a horror movie for? Windmills. Yeah, windmills. Let's do it."

And they did. 

Quick Plot: A group of strangers ends up on a small Dutch tourbus to explore a few windmills off the beaten path. Before you can summon a single Don Quixote reference, a gruesome sickle-wielding monster is on the hunt, punishing the tourists for their past homicidal crimes. 

That might seem like a rather basic description of a movie about an evil windmill, but truthfully, that's about it. 

I'm not complaining.

Directed by Nick Jongerius, The Windmill is a handsomely made little horror film that knows how to have fun with itself. The diverse cast spans several generations and countries, something that always makes a movie just a little more interesting. Yes, we get our token alpha male blowhard, but he's also a dad trying to protect his hemophiliac son from either a delusional Australian runaway or murderous Dutch demon. You know, you kind of understand that.

I could go into more detail on The Windmill—its moral questions, decapitations, wind-powered energy—but this is the rare case where I truly feel as though I’m somewhat at a loss of words for a film. It’s a gory under-90 minute monster movie where the gate to hell is located in a Dutch windmill. 

That’s a beautiful thing.

High Points
The Windmill boasts some gloriously ridiculous (in the best possible way) gore, with an opening death scene that's well-staged in its suddenness but also over the top in an almost The Mountain vs. The Red Viper style

Low Points
I have dangerous levels of affection for Red White & Blue’s Noah Taylor, so my excitement at seeing him in this movie was only dashed by the lack of screen time he ultimately gets

Lessons Learned
When in doubt about your drawing, focus on the vanishing point

You’ll need a professional portfolio if you want to be a professional photographer

Bumming around Europe is what Aussies do best


Look, The Windmill isn’t breaking any barriers, but it pretty much gives any horror fan exactly what they’re looking for in 90 minutes with an added bonus of above average acting and slightly more interesting characters than you usually find. And hey, if nothing else, it’s easily the best evil windmill movie ever made. 

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