Slaves are sent to the gladiator arenas to die in forgettable glory.
Business folks are forced to make bad deals to secure some kind of stability.
Hot daughters of business people must marry miscast Kiefer Sutherlands.
Can anyone catch a break?
Pompeii is a big budget disaster pic that basically asks the question, how can we squeeze a PG-13 rated Gladiator into 100 minutes of Independence Day (or 2012, or whatever your modern CGI-infused apocalypse is of choice). Directed by Resident Evil godfather Paul W.S. Anderson, it tells an extremely familiar story with streamlined efficiency. Consider the cast of characters:
Handsome hero with a childhood grudge, insanely chiseled physique, and secret heart of gold
Beautiful poor little rich girl with a conscience and amazing ability to keep her pre-Cover Girl makeup perfectly smudge-proof
Considering the bulk of IMDB's trivia section focuses on it, I don't see why I shouldn't: Kit Harington is typically weighed down by furs and Night's Watch robes on Game of Thrones, so while it may sound crass and shallow to compliment his inhuman 12-pack of a stomach, Pompeii's lingering camera gaze practically begs anyone watching with eyes to say, "wow, that dude really worked out for this movie."
It seems like there should be an edict against casting Jared Harris and Carrie-Anne Moss and not giving either anything interesting to do
It is shockingly possible to pick a lock with a splinter while chained to a carriage going at least 35 MPH
Ravenousing (i.e., acting dead when mistakenly tossed in a giant pile of corpses and waiting hours to emerge) is a time honored tactic for surviving massacres
Look, Pompeii isn't a good film, but it's fun and knows exactly what its audience wants. The DVD includes a bevvy of deleted scenes, so a cheap or rented copy won't bore you too badly.