Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I Am the Running (Wo)Man

It has probably been said by someone wise that in order to grow, one must face the things we hate.

I can think of three:



Boo hiss.

Thusly do I rationalize my decision to run (I’m already coughing) in a 5K being held at Yankee Stadium (already doing a Google search for priests that worship the Mets and are skilled in exorcisms) in the blazing heat of August (I’m also already dead). Why do such a thing, other than to give myself a taste of what hell might have to offer should I continue on the path of sin I’ve so carefully paved for the past 30 years?

The answer is: to help annihilate cancer. This is an annual fundraiser that raises money for cancer-fighting research through the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation. ALL of the money contributed goes towards helping those nerdy/brilliant young scientists battle that demon that too many of us have had to see.

As any character on Lost might ask at least twice an episode, Why are you telling me this?

In simple terms, I’m asking for donations. I know times are tight for most of us 99%ers, but if you happen to be in a decent financial place between now and July 31st, please stop by this fancy link here and throw a few bucks towards Team Mary Alice, named in honor of my fella (and running partner)’s late aunt. As I said, 100% of all the donations go straight towards cancer research so you can comfort yourself knowing you’re not contributing to that shifty homeless guy’s glue-sniffing habit or a movie star’s glitzy but ill-administrated charity foundation and still get that good karmic bounce. I’m sure donations are tax-deductable and all that jazz that people who actually know about tax stuff know, so there’s that too.

Oh! And an added bonus I just discovered: Cabot is a sponsor. They make cheese. Quite good cheese. Good cheddar cheese. So, supporting me in this 5K is not only supporting the fight against cancer: it’s also supporting the good will of cheese.

I don’t care where your politics might lie: I KNOW you can all get behind that!


  1. Yes, I fully endorse you cursing that stadium! Also, good luck!

  2. I'm trying to figure out how I can use this opportunity towards my Mets' advantage. Voodoo is an option. I'll let you know how it turns out.