Medium Rare With a Side of Stale Cheese

Short stories in the horror genre are often prime meat for feature film adaptations. Candyman, Re-animator, The Fly, and even Hitchcock’s The Birds and Psycho are a few glowing examples of how and why 20 or so pages can be expanded into a solidly entertaining 100 minutes onscreen. Unlike novels where readers are deeply connected to a character’s voice who has guided them for hours and days of reading, shorter fiction often tosses out a concept for inspiration, thus providing ample space for a filmmaker to create his or her own world.

And then there’s Rawhead Rex.

Based on a short story from Cliver Barker’s third Book of Blood, this is a film long abused by its original author (and penner of the screenplay) for misinterpreting its source material to make a mere monster movie. Having read Rawhead Rex, I can fully appreciate and sympathize with Barker’s criticisms. On the page, Rawhead Rex is a grungy, male ego-on-the-loose tale about an ancient god whose only weakness is, essentially, female menstruation and fertility. In the hands of George Pavlou, however, Rawhead Rex becomes a haunted house prop set loose on poorly shot screaming actors.

Quick Plot: In a quaint and quiet small town of Ireland, a farmer struggles to excavate a random monolith that has sat in the middle of his land for some time. With a strike of lighting and some fancy technique, he eventually succeeds. Unfortunately, the process also helps to free the long-buried demon god Rawhead Rex, portrayed here as a growling 8’ tall Halloween decoration with a mean six-pack and costume borrowed from a backup dancer for Gwar. 

So what’s so bad about Rex (aside from his wardrobe and laughably glowing red eyes)? Well, mostly the fact that he likes to eat folks (in the story, children are his meal du jour, but men and non-menstruating females make the menu as well). The skeptical police are of little help while the local village priest has switched allegiances to the titular monster himself. The only real hope comes in the form of a visiting historian who, along with his impatient and rather unpleasant wife, watches his son get devoured by Rex as we instead watch his slow reaction to what we assume is a horrific offscreen act. Will the grieving father be able to unlock the ancient secrets as written in stained glass on the church’s windows, or will the world fall prey to a blown up Spencer’s Gift with an appetite for destruction?

Rawhead Rex offers nothing revelatory in its execution, but it’s a solid enough watch for its brief running time. At the same time, it’s a pretty bland disappointment if you’re familiar with the work of Cliver Barker or have read its original story. Not only do those 50 pages offer triple the amount of gore as this 1986 film, they also dig far more deeply into what kind of evil Rex is and how the world he lived--and currently lives--in fosters the reign of a masculine monster. With a misused minimal budget, Pavlou’s Rex is a miniature Godzilla loose on an underfunded and poorly policed town.

High Points

It’s refreshing that the film retained some of the story’s less cinematic storylines--such as the excremental sacrament--but it would have been far more impressive if Pavlou had managed to attach actual weight to the actions

Low Points

Most of the special effects--including the woefully rubber faced Rex himself--feel less impressive than when Days of Our Lives featured a character possessed by a green-eyed devil

It's not that Rawhead Rex is completely devoid of the male-power aesthetic of Barker's original work; it just has no concept of how to use it. There are phallic symbols to be found and men to surrender willingly into servitude to Rex, but Pavlou provides no actual commentary on what makes this killing machine any different--or, for that matter, similar to--any other human-hungry villains.

Lessons Learned

Small red-coated women that resemble Venetian dwarves from Don’t Look Now frown upon public displays of affection from middle aged parents

When watching a gigantic monster hover over your child, it’s probably best to run to the boy’s aid before sighing with resignation

Irish policemen spend an awful lot of time smoking and scowling

Upon being released from several centuries of live burial, a demonic god’s first action will be to trash a kitchen a la Janeane Garfalo in Wet Hot American Summer

To save your girlfriend from being grabbed and eaten by a monster, it’s best to grab her arms and not her top. To get a gratuitous breast shot in a film that has need for nudity, it’s best for a character to grab a would-be victim’s top instead of arm

If your two children are insufferable brats, you, as a married couple, have no right to still be so damn horny

Not surprisingly, baptism by facial urination will make a new follower rather foul-mouthed

Rent/Bury/Buy

I obtained my copy of Rawhead Rex via a convention table sale and while it wasn’t the best $8 I’ve ever spent, I’m not cursing the time wasted viewing it. The film hasn’t had a DVD release and it’s not quite worth the time or mild guilt you would spend in trying to find a copy for yourself. Clive Barker fans will probably be offended by utter lack of artistic merit or any of the real horror found in his text, but those who enjoy mediocre monster movies will have a good enough time.