My Buddy Cop

 

If you needed one reason to watch Split Second, allow me to paint a picture.

Rutger Hauer in his towering 6'1 glory, a toothbrush in one hand and cigarette in the other, as he rinses his Colgate-foamed mouth out with a swish of black coffee.

What a magnificent specimen. What a world. 

Quick Plot: Welcome to the future...of 1992, so in this case, the year 2008! London has become a flooded hell rife with crime and pollution. It's the perfect home for embittered detective Harley Stone, who not only has a great name and is played by the great Rutger Hauer, but is also the kind of grizzled soul who wears sunglasses indoors. 

It's been three years since Stone failed to save his partner Foster from a still uncaught serial killer. According to his exhausted captain, Stone now lives on a diet of "anxiety, coffee, and chocolate." Well, honestly, don't we all?

The killer makes a grand comeback, tearing the heart out of a young woman in a crowded club bathroom. Even though Stone is a lone wolf, he's soon paired with the even better named Dick Durkin, a brainy rookie with more research than field experience.

If you're wondering, yes, Stone's captain begrudgingly pulls a suspended police badge out of drawer, and yes, Stone breathily tries to insist, "I work alone."

I've rarely been so happy watching a movie on Amazon Prime.

The investigation continues as the bodies pile up in gruesome fashion. Stone slowly warms to Durkin while also growing closer to Michelle, his late partner's widow played by the Mannequin herself, Kim Cattrall. It all culminates in a sewer chase and giant rat monster battle, just as you'd expect from the era.

Is Split Second good? That's not the point. It's fun. It's sleazy. It has charismatic actors giving decidedly intense performances, plus a monster design that makes no sense other than being very cool. I don't exactly understand how this creature shared a psychic link with Stone or why this version of the future had to be exactly what it was, but I don't care. It hit all of the cliches you crave while tossing in some grand weirdness at every step. I loved it.

High Points

Could there be a more interesting stud of a leading man than Rutger Hauer? As Stone, he's a hot mess, and that's a compliment

Low Points

Do I fully understand anything about the monster's origin or methods? I do not

Lessons Learned

Even Oxford-educated morgue attendants eat messy sandwiches over corpses

Rottweilers can identify police badges

80% of all accidents are caused by poor visibility (so maybe wearing sunglasses indoors isn't recommended?)

Rent/Bury/Buy

Split Second is a roaring good time for anyone with an appetite for gruff early '90s sci-fi action. It's the kind of movie where you can smell the contents of the rugged hero's refrigerator, and I mean that in the best of ways.