Speak No More Evil

 

It’s been a while since we’ve done a good ol’ compare and contrast. While I generally find “the original is better than the remake!” arguments dull, I also find the very idea of a talented filmmaker re-adapting very new material for an English-speaking audience usually has SOMETHING to say about the general perception of what a studio or artist thinks about its target.

So here we are. Two years between films, one month between my own review, we’re speaking no more evil.

Quick Plot: Basically, for about 65 minutes, 2024’s Speak No Evil follows the exact same beats as, you know, Speak No Evil. A somewhat uptight couple (Louise and Ben Dalton) with a daughter named Agnes and her beloved stuffed bunny befriend a pair of free spirits (Paddy and Ciara) and their tongueless son while on vacation. A few months later, Louise and Ben visit Paddy and Ciara at their secluded country estate. Tensions rise, violence ensues. 

Having watched the original Speak No Evil so recently, it’s impossible for me to review this Americanized version without directly referencing it. If you haven’t seen either film, the easy boil down is that the 2022 film is darker, sharper, and yes, better. The 2024 version is perfectly adequate as a standalone horror film, particularly as it’s stacked with several excellent actors doing very good work. But the stark differences in the third act are almost The Vanishing-levels of silliness. 

So let’s spoil.

Both.

Before we get to the major change, it’s worth noting that there are a few character differences that actually work well for James Watkins’ adaptation. Louise and Ben are expats who came to London for Ben’s job offer that fell apart. They have money, but no real sense of home. Louise has been so detached that she started a texting flirtation with a dad from Agnes’s school, driving an even bigger wedge in her fragile marriage. Sex is monthly at best. 

Which, oddly enough, leads us to one of the first real changes in this version that seems to have been made deliberately and does NOT work. In the original film, Louise and Bjorn’s first real discomfort with their hosts comes after they find their daughter sleeping in a nude Patrick and Karin’s bed. It’s perfectly reasonable that this would be the thing to finally drive them out of their perfect guest facade, but the reason WHY Agnes ended up there is key: she knocked and knocked on her parents’ door, but they were busy having sex. It’s clear that the guilt and embarrassment over this is what keeps Louise somewhat humbled.

No such dynamics happen here, as our Americans have to feel a bit more likable. As in the original, they almost make their exit but return when Agnes realizes she’s left her stuffed bunny behind.  Some sense of normalcy is restored, until Paddy’s treatment of Ant becomes intolerable. The next big change is one that KIND of makes sense, but also leads to a very different movie. 

Big spoilers (in case you needed a fourth warning): in both films, the host couple is revealed to be a pair of serial killers who lure small families in, murder the parents, and steal the child, trading that last bit with each cycle. In Christian Tafdrup’s film, Bjorn discovers this by finding the boy (Abel in that version) drowned. He quietly tries to pack his family and leave without telling them what’s going on, only to be caught on the way out. Without having communicated his discovery to Louise, she’s easy prey. Agnes’s tongue is cut out, and Louise and Bjorn accept their fate: death by stoning, all because they couldn’t be rude. 

It’s one of the darkest endings I’ve seen in some time, but it’s also pretty perfect. Speak No Evil is a cruel film, yet it all adds up. Everything this family does (and neglects to do) leads them to this. 

James Watkins’ version is…different. It’s Ant who tells (well, shows and mimes) his family’s secret to Agnes, who then goes and tells her parents, who then spend a fair amount of time figuring out how to excuse themselves from being murdered. This leads to the last act being pure Home Alone siege.

It’s a choice.  

On one hand, I appreciate an only-two-years-later remake reimagining its source material. Otherwise, what’s the point? 2022’s Speak No Evil is mostly in English, so you can’t even make the “Americans don’t like to read” argument. But apparently, if you’re James Watkins, you can make some other “Americans are” arguments. 

Here’s an excerpt from a Deadline interview with the director:

American culture is very, whether it’s your frontier mentality or your can-do culture, I didn’t believe my characters would be as quiescent [laughs]. I didn’t believe that they would, confronted with mortal danger and their child in mortal danger, at least try to run, hide or do something. Christian’s version is a brilliant satire on Danish compliance, but as soon as I changed it to a different culture, different things apply. 

Sure? 

As an American, my personal opinion here is that James Watkins is giving us far too much credit. The idea that these outsiders could, ultimately rather easily, murder three experienced murderers (well, two and one accomplice) and escape relatively unharmed seems pretty darn optimistic, particularly from the same man behind Eden Lake.  

It’s kind of, well, dumb. And maybe even a bit insulting? There is certainly something to be said with just how the violence unrolls, with Mackenzie Davis’s Louise emerging as the real alpha. The toxic bromance of Scoot McNairy being blinded by the sheer magnetism of James McAvoy’s masculine energy zooms in even further on the dynamics in Tafdrup’s film (or maybe that’s because the only other film I’ve seen McNairy in is Nightbitch, where his husband character plays a similarly shrinking role). Watkins even tosses in one line that casts Aisling Franciosi’s Ciara into a completely different light that opens up a pile of moral questions the film doesn’t have time to answer. 

2024’s Speak No Evil has interesting ideas, a game cast, and strong filmmaking. Even with all of that, things simply don’t add up to something anywhere nearly as starkly satisfying as its predecessor. 

High Points

Enough can’t be said about the performances, all of which work off each other to create clear relationships ready to explode

Low Points

Sure, the Daltons don’t immediately transform into trained assassins, but their victory still feels silly

Lessons Learned

The internet has made us all very stressy

When you’re in the country, you’re going to find old stains

It’s okay to think things, but you’re not supposed to say them

Rent/Bury/Buy

Here’s the thing: many genre fans will likely have a good time with 2024’s Speak No Evil if that’s how they start, and backtracking to the 2022 film may make that pack an even bigger punch. At this point, anyone approaching either film probably knows the big twist, so if you’ve read this far without watching either (which I told you several times not to do), then why not start with the lighter course to make the main that much better? The new film is now streaming on Peacock, with the original on Shudder.

Stairway to Somewhere

 

Ambition is a beautiful thing, but when making your very first feature film, it can be, well, a little much.

Quick Plot: In 1997, a boy named Jessie goes on a hunting day trip with Grandpa Gene (John Schneider) in the Washington woods. While tracking his prey, Jessie discovers a strangely modern staircase to nowhere. The boy is grabbed by something unusual, and as our credits play, we move forward twenty years. 

An unrelated (OR ARE THEY) batch of young people are planning a 5-day hiking excursion in the same woods. We have brothers Nick and Josh, obnoxious takes-up-two-parking-spaces pal Doug, and couple Rebecca and Jordon. Things are going well enough until Rebecca stops to rest and gets chased by a mysterious zombie-esque woman. Her friends are dubious until they stumble on an even stranger sight: a suit-clad man with a hole in the back of his head trying to protect or attack the same lady clutching a maggot baby. 

The group escapes deeper into the woods and have no choice but to make camp. That night, things go from weird to worse: some kind of forest being is hungry and on the hunt. The only safe haven may be the same unusual staircase, which happens to be housing a stuck-in-time Jessie.

The Stairs is an odd film. The directorial debut of stunt coordinator Peter "Drago" Tiemann, it's clearly designed to emphasize some of his strengths: practical effects, rubbery monsters, and plenty of juicy clawings. Tiemann also seems to have a pretty decent touch with his actors. Though the story itself is incredibly muddy in terms of character relations, the actual chemistry between his cast works a lot better than many a 'pretty young people in peril' situation. 

But oy, that story. 

Written by Tiemann and fellow stunt professional Jason L Lowe, The Stairs has kernels of a good idea with some freshness, but doesn't add up to anything that really makes sense. We never learn much about these maggot creatures or how they're able to power the chandeliers on a nonsensical staircase deep in the woods that also might involve some form of time travel. Did you get all that?

While the dialogue generally moves well, the actual plotting is just missing some kind of basic coherence. Nick and Josh are brothers, which is something we only learn 3/4 of the way through the film. Nick seems to know the area well enough to have a favorite coffee spot near the trailhead, but also shows the least awareness of having any form of hiking experience. He also (SPOILER) was friends with Jessie back in their elementary school days, but didn't Jessie's mom drive hours to get to this location? 

So yes, The Stairs is the kind of movie that immediately becomes to unravel once you tear at any of its dangling threads. But it's also better acted than you'd expect from something you've never heard of streaming on Amazon, with some strongly executed action sequences and a monster that feels somewhat new (even if it makes no sense).  

High Points

There's a lot to be said for spending little money on a horror film that sticks to practical effects, straight down to the director himself serving as the "burn body"

Low Points

Supernatural horror movies don't necessarily require answers to their underlying mysteries, but when your movie is a whole pile of bizarre riddles, it's pretty unsatisfying to walk away without a single suggestion of what actually happened or why

Lessons Learned

Frothy blood comes from the lungs

People go missing during blood moons

Always consider just how much you love chili before packing cans on a 30-mile hiking trip

Rent/Bury/Buy

The Stairs is the kind of low budget genre film that won't convert those with high standards, but will throw a few surprises at those horror fans open to good ideas. I think Tienamm would be better served with a stronger script, but as a directorial debut, this shows a lot of potential. Find it streaming on Amazon Prime. 

Morning Person

 

Live, die, repeat is as good a premise for a horror movie as any. 

Sadly the underlying film doesn't always live up to that.

Quick Plot: Bobby is a sloppy musician trying to make good with his higher class girlfriend Jules. Having made quite a few mistakes in their relationship, Bobby has high hopes that a seaside vacation to a quaint New England island bed & breakfast is just what Jules needs to finally forgive him.

The inn is far from five-star hospitality and the town's best assets are its arcade and empty souvenir shops, but it's all just enough to urge Bobby on to a romantic surprise proposal in the middle of town square. Jules' acceptance is interrupted when a hooded figure slashes her throat, breaks Bobby's neck, and sends them to the next morning at the titular 6:45.

Bobby awakens with full memory of the previous day's events, but to Jules, it's simply part two of their vacation. For any audience who's seen Groundhog Day or the dozens of cheaper films it inspired (all usually Hallmark Christmas-related or horror), we know the drill. This cycle will continue.

In Bobby's case, it seems to happen hundreds of times. He attempts to adjust his and Jules' activities, but nothing works. 

Also, he doesn't seem to try very hard.

6:45 is clearly a low budget affair, and I'd give it a certain measure of leeway if it was a first or second film. But writer/director Craig Singer has been working for over 20 years. He's responsible for the low energy Dark Ride and the fairly interesting, lower profile Perkins' 14. 6:45 shows a steep downward slide.

The leads do what they can to make the characters' relationship click, but Bobby is simply the worst, and that's before we get to a final act that would be infuriating if the film was worth raising any kind of blood pressure. I was on board for the slow opening because it felt like the film was going somewhere. Unfortunately, once it cycled through its repeated day a few times, even the filmmaker seemed to lose interest. Montages fill in a good chunk of running time, only for the story to take an abrupt, nasty turn complete with, for no reason other than for the crew to show off some skill, a man putting his grubby hands into an open bloody scalp.

High Points

This is not a great showcase for any performer, but as Jules, Augie Duke manages to emerge as a very natural onscreen presence

Low Points

It's just a pity she's in this slog of a mean-spirited film

Lessons Learned

Cuffs happen when you punch locals

Always keep the talons tamed

When checking into any questionable hotel, remember to first check the soap

Rent/Bury/Buy

You might be surprised to hear me say that I don't recommend 6:45. It's both mean and dull, which is just about the very worst adjectives any movie can claim.

Let's Shake Things Up

Maybe it's because I like interactive seasonal toys...

Or maybe it's because this was the first time I understood a Far Side cartoon:

Or maybe, just maybe, it's that they're really cool.

No matter the reason, any genre film that involves evil/haunted/possessed/powerful snow globes is, to me, worth a watch.

Quick Plot: Welcome to Normal, Alaska, where it's not only not snowing in December, but is also warm enough for a light jacket. We're used to such details in a Hallmark film, but in the case of Snowmageddon, it might have some deeper meaning. 

Nuclear family the Millers are having a quiet evening setting up for Christmas when they discover an unmarked present under their tree. Young Rudy opens it and is delighted to find a detailed snow globe that matches his small town. Nothing unusual in that, but moments later, an earthquake causes some rifts in the ground...of both the real world and the floor of...THE SNOW GLOBE. 

What follows is an efficiently competent Christmas disaster film. 

Such a statement can be read as positive or disappointing, I know.

As someone who grew up in a very Mystery Science Theater 3000 era of joyfully discovering the fun inherent in incompetent cinema, "bad" movies remain enjoyable only when they're trying to reach some level of good. Some dozen or so years ago, The SyFy Channel learned to perfect their packaging of low effort genre films that were clearly manufactured to SEEM like a "so bad it's good" experience. For me, it's inauthentic and made for a different audience.

Snowmageddon, despite being a low budget straight-to-who-knows-where-but-not-a-big-screen CGI-fueled quickie about a magical snow globe that causes natural disasters, is, thankfully, NOT an offshoot of the School of Sharknado. It's earnest. It's a bit self-serious. It tries.

So sure: it's therefore a little dull. Those expecting Shark Attack 3: Megalodon levels of buffoonery will walk away feeling a bit shortchanged. There's nothing overtly stupid about this movie, even if, as I really can't say enough, the story is about a magical snow globe that causes natural disasters.

High Points

Enough can't be said about the cast (including The Faculty's Laura Harris), all of whom clearly approached the material knowing the best way to make it work was to play it straight

Low Points

How can you possibly make a movie about a powerful world-ending snow globe and never, you know, address the reason for why this angry piece of winter decoration is trying to end the world?

Breathe Easy

Mo, the beautiful malamute who first warns the family that their snowglobe is a tool of evil, emerges unscathed 

Lessons Learned:

Being professional means no ogling or drooling

Everyone knows that Santa only brings gifts down the chimney (said with sass by a teenager)

When in doubt, just wait for an active volcano to reveal itself and solve your geological problems

Rent/Bury/Buy

It's hard to know what kind of viewer would get the most out of Snowmageddon. The movie isn't campy enough to be that much fun, nor is it, well, good enough to be actually good. We're grading on a very particular SyFy Channel curve here. The movie is far more competent than its premise and pedigree would lead you to expect, but it never quite rises to be anything overly memorable. Still, if you, like me, see "An Alaskan family receives a mysterious snowglobe that causes a global catastrophe" as the premise of a film and think, "obviously, I'm watching," you can find it on Amazon Prime. 

Tis the Seasonal Horror

Wait...that's not it.

Okay.

For a rough stretch in the mid-aughts, Christmas horror had become the new zombie movie in that amateur filmmakers could make them cheaply, slap on a clever title or cover art, and find some form of distribution. The mere keyword of having the holiday on a virtual video shelf would often be enough for a spot. 

This seems to have passed, though today's feature feels very much a throwback. 

Quick Plot: Cole is a crappy teenager who would rather play video games rather than help his little sister Carol install the Christmas lights. Considering it's pitch black outside and snowing, he's not necessarily wrong for feeling that way, but he still shouldn't handle it like a little jerk (with an incredibly irresponsible mother). Carol climbs up the roof, quickly slips and finds herself dangling in front of Cole's window, a string of lights cutting off her circulation. 

Twenty years later, Cole is not good. He stayed in town and works as a mechanic, living a solitary life with his only companion being the titular Christmas Spirit, embodied by a masked wrestler with holiday leanings. Cole is pretty sure his buddy is the manifestation of his guilt by way of unmedicated schizophrenia, but it's still hard to resist socializing with the only other creature that seems to want anything to do with this gross, sad man.

The Christmas Spirit, however, has goals. It's convinced that Cole's guilt has trapped him in this form until Cole can restore the meaning of Christmas by way of a sacrifice. 

Enter Maggie, a social media superstar teenager (is there any other kind these days?) who loses her own love of the holiday when she catches her married mom in bed with her very own piano teacher. The fact that Maggie bears an uncanny resemblance to Carol gives The Christmas Spirit an idea: Cole must repeat Carol's accident on Maggie to...save Christmas?

Yeah, I never quite got it. Written and directed on what I must assume was a shoestring budget by Bennet De Brabandere, The Christmas Spirit is a clunky but earnest horror comedy that seems to be in battle between how much it actually wants to say about mental illness. Cole is pretty sure that his companion exists purely in his head, though the film suggests another boy (possibly suffering from similar symptoms) can see him.

It doesn't come together, though it's hard to not appreciate the energy that goes into the full product. The cast is game to do the ridiculous, straight down to the keystone cop sidekicks who make The Last House On the Left's characters look like the model of law enforcement. Maybe De Brabandere was a little too ambitious in trying to explore mental illness when his material would have worked better as a sillier, less complicated joke. By trying in half measures, the final product feels a tad...icky.

High Points

This is one of those cases where you have to imagine the cast had to do a lot of heavy lifting, and while not gunning for Oscars any time soon, Zion Forrest Lee gives his all as the pathetic Cole, while Matia Jacket shows very promising comic timing as Maggie. 

Low Points

Aforementioned muddiness regarding, "Is this funny?" or "Is this tragic mental illness?" And yes, I say this as someone who would throw her body in front of a sleigh to defend the honor of Christmas Evil

Lessons Learned

In no scenario is it smart parenting to let your young teenager install holiday lights on the roof when it's dark and snowing

The only upside about catching your mother having an affair around the holidays is that it will give you free reign on her credit card

The true meaning of Christmas is sacrifice (as in, human)

Rent/Bury/Buy

There's definitely a contingent of genre fans who appreciate unusual low budget horror that will find some things of interest in The Christmas Spirit. I don't think the film gets anywhere near where it's heading, but as a small, seasonal effort, there are certainly some things here I haven't seen before, and more importantly, it feels as though the full team was invested in making something unique. If you're in that very specific demographic, give it a low expectations try via Shudder or Tubi. 

Tongue-Tied

What's a great way to get horror fans to watch your movie? Release an American remake that makes viewers mad, then gets good reviews, then makes you realize that you'll inevitably have to watch both. 

We are simple folk. 

Quick Plot: Louise and Bjorn are a Danish couple with a daughter named Agnes. While on a group vacation to Italy, they hit it off with a similarly aged family from Holland: Patrick the doctor, Karin his wife, and Abel, their pleasant son who was born without a tongue. 

Back home in their tight apartment, loaded with the kinds of schedule items any young couple with a child have, Bjorn clearly feels a little disconnected. He's thrilled when Patrick sends a postcard inviting the family to spend a few days in their country estate. Fresh air and good company, what could possibly go wrong?

Since this movie is streaming on Shudder, obviously, quite a bit. 

Louise is quickly unsettled. Patrick dismisses her vegetarianism (well, pescetarianism) by pressuring her to eat some pork. He plays music too loud, drinks and drives, doesn't respect boundaries, and tricks Bjorn into paying for dinner that was supposed to be a treat. When Louise discovers Agnes sleeping in a nude Patrick and Karin's bed, it's the last straw. The family decides to leave, only to return immediately when Agnes's beloved stuffed animal goes missing. Once confronted with Patrick and Karin's apologies, how can they possibly be rude guests and still abandon their hosts?

To say much more about Speak No Evil would be a spoiler, though any savvy horror viewer can probably piece together a few more developments. Things get awkward, then dangerous, then rather shockingly dark in a pretty brilliant way that I haven't quite seen before. 

There are those who hate to see fingernails ripped off onscreen or any pain directed at Achilles heels. For a civilized audience, what's scarier? Being perceived as being rude. 

Speak No Evil is a horror movie about manners, and a pretty brilliant one at that. Louise is ready to call out Patrick and Karin for some of their rudeness, but as soon as she's confronted with her mistake, she surrenders all agency. Bjorn is clearly as flattered by Patrick's attention as he is embarrassed by Louise raising tension. It's the awkwardness that damns our characters, and while it's easy to scream at them from our couches, it's also one of the most strangely identifiable horror movie scenarios I've ever seen. 

High Points

I wish I could say so much more about everyone's performance, but I really do hate to give away too much. All four leads are simply perfect.

Low Points

I don't know that Speak No Evil is a perfect film, but honestly, I can't think of a single misstep it makes. Every action feels like a deliberate drive towards the conclusion. I have nothing negative to say.

Lessons Learned

When traveling abroad, you don't have to become fluent in the country's language, but at least learn the word that identifies your child's beloved stuffed animal

Mermaids represent Denmark well (though they're also small and disappointing)

Holland is a cheese country

Rent/Bury/Buy

I was satisfied by Speak No Evil when I finished it this morning, and now, 8 hours later as I sat down to write about it, I realized it's, well, kind of perfect? This isn't the scariest film of its year or even most shocking. It's just GOOD. The story is something that is all too easy to understand, and yet, one that I haven't quite seen told this way (or this well) in many years of genre watching. Find it on Shudder.