Winner Takes It All

There's a certain joy in good dumb fun action movies that's hard to match. 

Cue The Tournament.

Quick Plot: Every seven years, 30 of the world's greatest assassins are invited to play in The Tournament, a battle royal with a $10 million prize and the chance to make a roomful of wealthy betters even more. 

It's a simple premise that doesn't really need much more setup. There are no rules, which means civilians caught in the crossfire or used as human shields are simply part of the game. This doesn't bode well for alcoholic priest Father MacAvoy (the always welcome Robert Carlyle) who breaks a commandment when stealing an abandoned cup of coffee only to face some divine punishment when he swallows a contestant's tracking device. 

That's one more player to add to our roster. Also in the mix is stoic yet sympathetic Lai Lai Zen (Kelly Hu), psychotic Texan Miles Slade (Ian Somerhalder, who I thought was Chace Crawford showing personality before realizing that was impossible), parkour expert Anton (Sebastien Foucan), and returning champion Joshua Harlow (the one and only Ving Rhames). Harlow has returned for a more important motive than money: one of the players in the game assassinated his pregnant wife, and he's here for vengeance.

Plot schmot, let's watch physically fit people creatively murder each other...and so we do.

Director Scott Mann has an efficient approach to the material. I don't know why this script required three writers, since all of the character work seems to come from the actors and their physicality. Kelly Hu makes for an appealing lead, even if we get little insight into her actual character. Robert Carlyle is an incredibly versatile actor, and he threads a rather effective braid of pathetic, sympathetic, and amusing in his confused holyman. There are bus chases, hand-to-hand combat, explosions, and shootouts in strip clubs. 

This movie understands its audience.

High Points

We're not quite at Atomic Blonde levels, but The Tournament really does deliver on its violent action, and having someone as physically capable as Kelly Hu as its lead doesn't hurt

Low Points

I'm not really mad that we get so little backstory on any of the characters, but it's a bit ridiculous that Robert Carlyle's priest is introduced at such a low point and the film never actually pauses to explain why he's there, nor really why he's willing to work so hard to get out of it

Lessons Learned

A hanging slab of meat is the new shield

UK laxatives are incredibly ineffective

Assassins never know why

Rent/Bury/Buy

If you're in the mood for a super violent action flick, this should easily satisfy. I found it on Tubi, though it may have since jumped around. Toss a tracking device in the nearest cup of coffee and we'll see where it lands.