Random reminder that I have a podcast (even I forget) and that in my most recent episode, the great Christine Makepeace and I dove into Red Rooms and its obvious pairing, 1995's The Net.
I wrote about The Net a lifetime ago, but found it even more impressive this time around. As a thriller, it's perfectly sleek, but the real surprise was how once you look past the details (floppy disks, PIZZA DOT NET), the actual story is just as relevant THIRTY YEARS later.
Anyhoo, now that we all feel like dinosaurs, it only feels right to see ANOTHER studio-sized techno-horror from the same year.
Quick Plot: A technology firm has teamed up with a maximum security prison to enlist inmates in some virtual reality testing. Ex-cop turned convicted murderer Parker Barnes (the world's best movie star Denzel Washington) and a pre-Saw Costas Mandylor are hunting serial killer SID 6.7 in a video game sushi restaurant when something goes wrong. Our beloved before-he-was-Jigsaw-5.0 is killed, as investors decide to pull the plug on this totally reasonable experiment.
Not so fast. Head developer Darrel Lindenmeyer (the kind of wormy little man who you'd meet and say, "I bet his last name is Lindenmeyer") is so proud of SID 6.7 that he simply can't bear to say goodbye. If you love something, you set it free, even if that something is a computer program amalgam of 200 serial killers condensed into baby Russell Crowe's buttocks.
SID is quick to turn LA into his own very '90s murder playground. He storms a rave and MMA fighting event, always framing his kills in perfect view of a running camera.
Naturally, there's only one man who can stop SID's rampage.
Well, one man and a randomly paired blond sidekick with a precocious child perfectly constructed to be put in danger.
Virtuosity was probably never going to be a great film. The fact that I've taken multiple paragraphs to set something up before reaching the 20 minute mark of a 98-minute film and STILL haven't addressed half of the cast (OSCAR WINNER LOUISE FLETCHER FOR GOODNESS SAKE) should probably indicate that there's a bit too much going on here.
Even Denzel thought so. The biggest drag in Virtuosity is whatever the heck the plan was for Kelly Lynch's Dr. Madison Carter. She's a criminal psychologist intent on teaming up with Parker to catch and profile SID. Naturally, she's also a single mom to baby-faced, perfectly kidnappable Kaley Cuoco. 
As a sci-fi action thriller, Virtuosity can be pretty fun. But Lynch's Carter just sticks out as an unnecessary chess piece in an already overstuffed game. It's not surprising that the first bit of behind-the-scenes trivia for this film is that the script turned Parker and Madison's relationship romantic. Whether that was ultimately cut for time, chemistry, or racial politics (most sites suggest it was Denzel Washington who thought it would alienate filmgoers), the end result of this pairing is just...off. This woman should NOT be tagging along as a seasoned cop/convicted murderer hunts down a terminator. The minute you see her equally blond-headed child, you clock exactly what will be the final conflict of what could be a far more interesting story.
So no, Virtuosity is not a hidden gem in a Blockbuster pile. It has heavy script issues that are both helped and hurt by the very '90s CGI and overall aesthetic. There's certainly a charm to its very of-its-time style. The film is never boring. But also, mostly, not that good.
High Points
Maybe it was a direct effect of having just watched the divine Sandra Bullock take over the screen in The Net, but there really is something to seeing a true movie star in action. Denzel Washington is obviously capable of deeper performances, but his work in this fairly dumb thriller is just more evidence of how insanely perfect he is as an onscreen presence.
Low Points
Aforementioned mess of Kelly Lynch's role, shoehorned into an already messy narrative and topped with one of the worst '90s haircuts to boot
Lessons Learned
You can always count on a '90s movie killer to speak in sadistic dad jokes
Never trust a computer nerd with a name like Lindenmeyer
It should probably go without saying, but there's no universe in which combining 200 serial killers into one mainframe is a good idea
Rent/Bury/Buy
Virtuosity is by no real definition a good movie. The choppy storytelling suffers from whatever happened behind the scenes, making the overall product fairly unsatisfying. But hey, there are only so many '90s techno thrillers, and even fewer that boast someone with the heft of Denzel Washington.
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