Heaven Is a Place On Earth (guarded by Fred Durst)

Between Tooth and Nail  and 9 Dead, it seems like I’ve been watching a fair share of mediocre to terrible direct-to-Instant Watch thrillers built on promising premises. Population 436, a 2005 film about a middle American hamlet and its cheerfully grim secrets, improves upon this trend with an intriguing and solid enough execution.

Quick Plot: Census taker Steve Kady (the always reliable when curly haired Jeremy Sisto) busts his tire just outside of Rockwell Falls, a small town dubbed by its 436 residents as “the most perfect place on earth.” Any grammar Nazi with an ear for redundancy knows better than to trust unnecessary adjectives, and sure enough, it doesn’t take Steve long to discover something fishy: for the past 100 years, Rockwell Falls has maintained its population count. 

Is it something in the water? Too much Shirley Jackson in the library? Whatever the problem, you can get a research montage that it won’t end well.

Population 436 is a neat little mystery, a Twilight Zone throwback that calls to mind the Jason Robards ruled underworld in A Boy and His Dog  crossed with the simpler bleakness of The Lottery. While director Michelle Maxwell MacLaren (who would go on to helm some of Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad's best episodes only to raise and crush my hopes when she left the big screen Wonder Woman film) doesn’t pull too many surprises once the plot gets rolling, the story is solidly suspenseful to keep us interested for the expected 90 minute running time. More importantly, little touches--such as the Stepford-ish costume design and all-out good folksy charm of its performers--work fairly seamlessly to pull the whole film together.

There's no earth-shattering shocks or philosophy-changing revelations, but this is a film that makes good on its mystery with competent storytelling, compelling characters, and a few 'whoah!' moments that make the trip worth taking.

High Points

Sisto’s character doesn’t really get the arc we’d like to see, but the actor works hard to ground the story in something we can relate to and care for

The first major horror element isn’t totally surprising, but the moment is staged with such fantastic tension and macabre humor that it truly shocks and takes the film into a whole new direction

Low Points

While I appreciate its bleakness, the ending ultimately feels somewhat empty

Lessons Learned

Any town guarded by Deputy Fred Durst is not a place to be trusted

Talkin’ Crazy is the only fever that matters

If you fear that everybody in town is out to get you, perhaps you should avoid macking on the one friend you have’s intended

Between Hannibal Lector and Rockwell Falls, census taking appears to be a career fraught with hazards

Stray Observation

This marks Jeremy Sisto’s second genre film to lead him to a makeshift graveard of the stolen cars of murdered visitors. I’m sure there’s some sort of Da Vinci Code-like significance to that.

Rent/Bury/Buy

Considering the crap I tend to watch, Population 436 is a tasty little treat. Though it never really ascends from Instant Watch caliber, this is a well-told mystery that fares better than your average mid-to-no budget thriller. Worth your full attention, just not your weekly allowance. If my research is to be trusted, the DVD is bare, save for what sounds like a wisely vetoed alternate ending. Stream one day when you’re in the mood for something lightly dark, like a an X-Files episode served with skim milk.

It's the Apocalypse, Charlie Brown!

Has there ever been a more misleading titled film than A Boy and His Dog? This 1975 post-apocalypse tale (based on a short story by Harlan Ellison) may call to mind images of My Dog Skip, but it has far more in common with Logan's Run, The Road and Big Fish.

If that seems like an odd combo, then you're just getting started with this weirdly wonderful little cult film. With a cast led by Don Johnson (!) and the mutt that played Tiger during the first season of The Brady Bunch (!!!!!!), L.Q. Jones'  A Boy and His Dog is original, haunting, and sometimes, just darn adorable.

Quick Plot: In 2024, the nation is recovering (well, not really) from World War IV, a five day nuclear skirmish that followed the 20+ World War III. Food is scarce, but fertile women are even harder to find, a troubling fact for our 18 year old hero Vic (Johnson).

Luckily enough, Vic (aka Albert) is blessed with the world’s best travel companion: Blood, a collie mix who can communicate (in a wry and engaging voiceover by Tim McIntire) via telepathy from some fancy futuristic genetic experimentation. The details are fuzzier than a dog’s tail, but we buy it because hey: it sure beats the eerie puppet mouth action in Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Boy & Dog explore the dusty deserts without much aim, stopping occasionally to swipe some canned goods from lavish slave brigades or watch some decaying film reels at underground movie theaters reminiscent of 1970s 42nd St. coated in 9/11 dust. It’s here where our plot picks up, as Blood sniffs out an incognito female Quila (Susanne Benton) and Vic readies his guns...

...because a shootout follows. 

Although he’s expecting resistance, Vic quickly discovers Quilla isn’t the blushing maiden he’s so accustomed to raping. Somewhat intrigued by her eagerness, Vic is surprised at how hurt and angry he feels when she slips away to return home.

And what a home it is. Hidden underneath the barren wasteland of earth is “Topeka,” an artificially maintained biosphere ruled by “The Committee” of middle-aged mime-faced bureaucrats with painted smiles masking utter apathy. Executions are handed out to blankly accepting townfolk and a gigantic good ol’ boy android maintains security. Our young buck is dressed in flannel and overalls and given a special duty I won’t spoil here (although Netflix’s general description does, so for that I sentence them to the farm). Needless to say, post apocalyptic polygamy isn’t quite the blast it might appear.

A Boy and His Dog is a strange, oddly paced cult favorite that does a whole lot of interesting things in its surprisingly dense 90 minute running time. From a gritty opening landscape to the truly bizarre Topeka, it creates a new type of dystopia that’s simultaneously familiar and like nothing you've really seen. 

Perhaps what really makes Jones' film so memorable is how well it juxtaposes the tragedy of our world’s death with a playfully macabre sense of humor. VIc isn’t a nice guy--his main motivations are rape and canned goods--but Don Johnson makes him likable in a scrappy and believable way, while Tiger and McIntire succeed together at creating an actual character out of what could easily have been a cute gimmick onscreen.

I unfortunately have not read much Ellison, although I did have the pleasure of seeing him in person at a sci-fi convention about ten years ago (that’s right; I was this nerdy as a teen). Although he had mixed emotions on this adaptation,* his wry touch is felt thoughout A Boy and His Dog. That's a very good thing.

High Points

Typically, the “special appearance by” credit irks me, but if there’s one word that adequately describes Jason Robards in mime makeup, it’s special

As a former dog walker, I know that many canines don’t appreciate the high pitched “here, puppy puppy” soprano employed by eager pet lovers. Hence, the moment Quilla lapses into baby talk to lure Blood into her good graces, I laughed out loud both at the ridiculous of the situation and Blood’s amusingly dry response.

The ending, right down to the controversial pun*, feels so surprisingly right for our main characters and the world they inhabit

Low Points

The “Screamers” are a menacing and unseen presence and I don’t mind their mystery, but it also feels as though there's a whole narrative to this apocalypse we never get to know

While everything about Topeka was creepy in a bizarrely broken and forced kind of way, the min-revolution seemed rushed and poorly explained. We can infer that Quilla’s charms went fairly far, but the inclusion of two other challengers of the system felt more convenient than organic.

Lessons Learned

Always trust your dog when it comes to judging character

Being under the control of a manic slave driver isn’t fun, but stealing from one is surprisingly stress-free

Movie theater popcorn will never go out of style

Calla lilies make an elegant and surprisingly convenient wedding bouquet, particularly when you need to conceal a crow bar but don’t want to clash

****SPOILER TERRITORY***

Due to the treatment of women by Vic and the film’s final line (one of Ellison’s biggest quibbles with the changes), some have accused A Boy and His Dog of being misogynist. While there are no admirable female characters, all of the men are equally simple or morally bereft. Quilla is a nasty and devious creation, but she’s no better or worse than Robards’ totalitarian secretary or Vic’s ambivalent rapist And hey, I’d rather see a female antagonist make use of her sexuality for a masterly plotted plan than sit back and have it help her without her own consent.

***** Thus End'th Spoiler Rant****

Rent/Bury/Buy

This is a must-see for any post-apocalyptic afficionado, and a strangely entertaining treat for general sci-fi and cult movie fans. I can’t speak for the DVD as Netflix is currently offering this as an Instant Watch, but from what I’ve read on Amazon, it currently has a disappointingly bare bones release. While I heartily endorse a viewing, it may be in your best interest to take advantage of the free streaming and keep a look out for a hopefully upgraded edition in the future.