Parody is easy to do, and very difficult to do well. Not every songwriter can be Weird Al, and not every The Fast & the Furious spoof can reach the glorious heights of Superfast!
Seriously, trust me on this one.
Today's film is an unusual entry in the '80s horror canon: a straight-out remake of Jaws by way of a golf course being terrorized by a lawn mower. No, it doesn't reach the heights of Eat It, but you know what?
This is something special.
Quick Plot: Two horny teenagers sneak away from their friends' bonfire to make out in the fields of Tall Grass Country Club, only to discover there are things far scarier than STDs. Cue the credits as done in the POV style of Police Squad but as, you guessed it, a killer lawnmower.
It's business as usual at Tall Grass, even after a dues-paying member is slaughtered in a similarly mysterious manner. Golf trainers Kelly and Roy (nothing coincidental about that name) are suspicious, especially after Mal the caddy also turns up in pieces. Still, there's a golf tournament to be played and the mayor--er, property owner--is not to be dissuaded. The show must go on.
Blades is a silly, silly movie. Mal's widow shows up in full Mrs. Kintner drag to slap Roy. When a wayward lawnmower is discovered and thought to be the killer, there's a glorious shot of the proud hunters hanging the bag high and slicing it to reveal...leaves, nothing but leaves. Which means THE KILLER IS STILL OUT THERE.
And yes, the killer is a lawnmower. If Blades has a flaw, it's that we never really get much insight into just why such a machine would choose this moment to hack its way through this stuffy rich community, though the fact that our victims are mostly rich white jerks might in itself be a justifiable motivation.
There is nothing overly grand about Blades. It's fully aware of its own stupidity and absolutely dedicated to being pure entertainment. Considering all of the unofficial Jaws knockoffs--everything from sue-able Orca to transferring the threat to Piranha--the fact that director Thomas R. Rondinella cleverly moved the formula to something as dumb, but genuinely violent as a sentient lawnmower is in itself something special. That his film is backed up by earnest performances and a true understanding of Jaws's key moments really lets this hit home.
High Points
There's almost a Simpsons-esque aura around the idiotic townspeople who can't listen to a word of reason without breaking down into a violent mob. With our rightly leads playing their drama straight, the utter silliness of the supporting characters keeps Blades somehow perfectly balanced. And yes, I'm saying all of this about a Jaws parody starring a killer lawnmower
Low Points
It might be unfair to compare the then-novel Blades to another 40 years of Jaws parody, but it does feel a tad disappointing for a blatant parody to not always cash in on the best moments. Where's our chalkboard scrape, our singalong-gone-wrong? Picky, I know. But there are only so many Jaws parodies about killer lawnmowers, and I want each one to be all it can be
Lessons Learned
You know it's bad when the 19-year-old EMT says it's the worst he's ever seen
Being a caddy and naming your dog Caddy is a life choice rife for confusion
Once formed, bad habits are hard to break
Rent/Bury/Buy
Blades is good dumb fun, and perfect for the lighter summer season. Oddly enough, its current home is Peacock. Have a good time.
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