A Few Inches To Spare

Another year, another slew of little villain-centric movies covered here at the Doll's House. And if, like me, you STILL thirst for one more bit of killer kid cinema, let us all be thankful that the doctor is in the house.

Over yonder at Senseless Cinema, the probably not medically trained Doctor Pseudonymous puts his expertise to use with a review of the definitive "evil children who hug adults to death with black fingernails" classic, The Children.

Far down under, we have a glorious trio of posts from dear friend of the Doll's House, Chris Hewson. Head on over to Not This Time, Nayland Smith for plenty of shortness, including

The Cat From Outer Space!

Jodie Foster in Candleshoe

And not one, not two, NOT EVEN THREE but FOUR Herbie movies!

And if your eyes are getting tired and your ears need a workout, allow me to say that on episode 99 of The Feminine Critique, we tackled 2016's far better than you think it is The Boy, as well as the classic Canadian oddity that is Pin.

Don't forget! If you have something to contribute, you can always email me at deadlydollshouse (at) gmail (dot) com for an inclusion here. When it comes to Shortening, we're always hungry!

Belated Shortenings

It's going to be a busy bee month here around these parts, so allow me to busy bee yourselves with a few external suggestions:

Good friend of the Doll's House Elwood Jones invited me on his podcast, the MBDS Showcase, to discuss two very different, very memorable classics of vertically challenged cinema. Take a listen to his episode 36, where we discuss one of my personal favorites, Stuart Gordon's Dolls, along with the very special, very odd For Your Height Only. Just in case you didn't recognize the title, FYHO is indeed a James Bond, um, adaptation of sorts, starring 2'9 action star Weng Weng as the world's deadliest and least secretive secret agent. Check it out here!

Meanwhile, down south of the equator, good pal Chris Hewson has tackled a few family-friendly Shortening cookies over at Not This Time, Nayland Smith. Travel back to the grand ol' '90s for his review of the 18-episode Betty Davis-starring sitcom Maybe This Time.  

While you're there, take a look at his review of 1995's long-awaited cinematic Annie sequel (I know, who knew it was a thing?) Annie: A Royal Adventure.  

Joan Collins is in it, and she wears a fabulous hat. What more do you need?

That's fair. The world can never have enough Zelda Rubinstein wearing a great hat. Hence, I leave you with one more little bonus, courtesy of my podcast, The Feminine Critique. On our most recent episode, Christine and I tackle 1989's pop masterpiece Teen Witch, along with the recently released and confusing to pronounce The VVitch. Download* via iTunes or hear it here!

*Just in case it's unclear, download the podcast, not the movie. Pony up a few singles and pay to see the movie so that studios keep buying and releasing movies like The VVitch. We'll all be better off, and otherwise, I'm selling your soul to that nice lady in the woods and I won't feel a goat's eye bad about it. 

Broody Seeds

HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Just wanted to send out a friendly reminder that I also host a podcast. And more importantly, this week, I host a podcast about The Brood and The Bad Seed. Listen via iTunes or whatever fancy dancy technology you use. 

Bottoms up!

Comet-aries

Do you like comets?

Do you like time splits?

Do you like trying on clothes montages?

What a stupid question. Is there a soul alive that DOESN'T love a good mall-centered shopping spree scored to cheery pop music?

Exactly.

If your'e NOT a Nazi, then listen and enjoy this week's episode of The Feminine Critique, where myself and my lovely co-hostesses with the mo-stesses take 1984's cult classic Night of the Comet and 2013's mind bendy Coherence. It's a blast.

So Exciting That It Took Down An A-Lister!

Just a friendly reminder that if you like to hear chicks discuss Scarlett Johansson luring naked men to sexy death in alien space goo, then this week's podcast episode of The Feminine Critique is for you. My partner in crime Christine joins me as we tackle Jonathan Glazer's recently divisive indie hit Under the Skin and his unnecessarily controversial (but super good) 2004 film Birth.

Head over to iTunes to hear that plus a whole lot more talk on all things film, including just how awesome Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is and the true glory of watching a gorilla drink a martini.

C'mon. You can't tell me that isn't the best thing you've seen in your life. I mean, you CAN tell me, but there's no way in Africa that I'll believe you.

Devils & Mullets, Oh My!

If your ears are on the hearing hunt for a little apocalyptic conversation, allow me to point you towards the latest episode of The Feminine Critique. It's here where you'll get Christine and I discussing the delightful 1967 Peter Cook/Dudley Moore buddy/devil comedy Bedazzled, as well as the just a tad more serious religious comedy The Rapture.

Well actually, Michael Tolkin's 1991 examination of faith and the Old Testament might not necessarily be the fun-for-all the world expected. But it does have James LeGros without a shirt and David Duchovny WITH a mullet, so it's a guaranteed good time nonetheless. 

Check it out on iTunes or whatever listening technology the cool kids are using.

A Modest Proposal

We interrupt your somewhat steady dose of movie coverage to bring you breaking news:

I got a shiny ring.

Yup, it's time for me to start volumizing my hair to the height of Elsa Manchester, juice fasting to get the waist of Elvira, and campaigning to bring back Bridezillas for one last stomping.

Atop a beautifully scenic mountain in the western end of Massachusetts, my fella asked me to marry him. I said yes. We then celebrated with a classy dinner.

Don't worry: I don't plan on changing much around these here blogging parts, other than maybe, I don't know, switching the theme to something floral and only covering Lifetime movies from here on in. That's cool, right?

How I kid. I'll be back shortly with some non-nuptial-based writing. In the meantime, you can hear a pre-engaged me discuss The Faculty and Jennifer's Body on the latest Feminine Critique episode, read my defense of The Exorcist III over at Cinespect's 31 Days of Horror, or enjoy this picture of me telling Scott Wilson that The Ninth Configuration is the bee's knees.

With that said, let's get nuptialy!

I Hear There's a She-Devil Within Her...

Canny Doll's House readers might remember a wonderful moment in history wherein I wrote about 1975's The Devil Within Her, a laughably amazing little movie that stars Joan Collins as a fully clothed former stripper who gives birth to a giant baby that might be possessed by the devil and/or the spirit of a dancing dwarf named Hercules who used to be her partner at a nudie revue.

Life rarely gets any better

In case you needed any more discussion of a movie about Joan Collins playing a former stripper-turned-mother-of-a-giant-maybe-possessed by dwarf-baby-delivered-by-gynecologist-Donald-Pleasance then allow me to point you toward our latest episode of The Feminine Critique, She-Devil Within Her.

On this very special installment, my cohostess Christine and I tackle the aforementioned dwarf/giant baby/possession movie, as well as 1990's black comedy She-Devil. 

That's the one that has A. Martinez doing things like this:

Go get it!

Take a Dip...If You DARE

As someone whose karaoke repertoire includes a fully accented rendition of Under the Sea, I love me a good water-based monster as much as the next singing crab with a Caribbean accent. That's why I've assembled a hearty gang of bloggers to share their own underwater fears, be they theme park-hating sharks or urine-leaking children.

It’s all part of HeyNOTLP!, a new feature on Night of the Living Podcast’s busy bee blog where once a month, we copy the AV Club format take a horror-themed question and share our answers.  Head here for a salty read and remember to join in the action by tweeting us your own wonders with the hashtag #heyNOTLP.  

Hate reading? Can’t actually read? Have just discovered that you CAN read (since you read this) but don’t like it because you’d rather look at pretty pictures or listen to, well, five people discuss the wonders that is the 2006 slasher comedy Drive-Thru? We’ve all been there, and now you can return by downloading Night of the Living Podcast’s Episode 322, wherein I guest starred to discuss what happens when fast food mascots go bad, Gossip Girl refugees get dead, hobbits get stretched out to star in Citadel, and Irish people attempt to do anything that doesn’t involve Guinness.

Also for your ears: a new episode of The Feminine Critique, wherein my cohostess and I rev up our Game Genies to tackle 1989's Nintendo extravaganza The Wizard and the far more recent, less Clark Bar filled-Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. Load up on the vegan meals and go get it!

Two Too Many Hatchets

Ugh.

And ugh ugh.

Wanna hear why so much ugh? Come listen to the latest episode of The Feminine Critique, streaming here or available for free at iTunes. Warming: It might make you a little bit hatchet faced.

Not like that's a bad thing...

Ear This!

It's a double whammy of podcast punching this week. First up, my 7-episode old show, The Feminine Critique, Christine and I don our glittery synchronized swimming caps and head to the water.

Literally...

And figuratively.

Download us with your podcast ap thingamajig or head here to stream.

Also in podcastland, I guest star on this week's episode of Outside the Cinema, where host Bill By Force and I discuss Mario Bava's pre-giallo giallo The Girl Who Knew Too Much and, far more excitingly, the Mario Lopez star vehicle form 1999, Outta Time.

I don't know how else to say it: Outta Time is the greatest 90 minutes you never knew existed.

Head here  for the full experience. Hurry up! Dive in!

I'm Watching You...

And I look GOOOOOOOOOOD

What, the mesh 'n drill look doesn't get your gears grinding? We'll see about that. Come have a listen to The Feminine Critique's second episode, where Christine and I tackle two tales of obsession. First up is William Wyler's incredibly underrated 1965 adaptation of John Fowles haunting novel, The Collector, starring a wonderful Samantha Eggar and an inappropriately dashing Terence Stamp.

We follow it up with Brian DePalma's sleazetastic 1984 Hitchock homage Body Double. You know you're watching a classic when it's got mesh t-shirts AND mullets, and they're not even worn by the same person.

Head to iTunes or refresh your podcast ap (or podcast CRAP, as I like to call it) for a listen, or stream through our Tumblr page. Or do none of these things and know that you're hurting my feelings.