Dream On

 

I'm a mark for pretty movies. Tropical islands with blue water and forest green trees and beautiful people in small amounts of clothing generally add up to something that doesn't even have to be good to be aesthetically enjoyable. 

A Perfect Getaway is obviously the gold standard for this, a twisty thriller stacked with a hot, talented cast in a postcard-ready setting. Few movies (in ANY genre) will ever top it, and based on all the horrible things I heard about Fantasy Island when it came out back in 2020, I was doubtful this would be one. But when on Hulu...

Quick Plot: After winning a contest, a batch of immediately awful strangers lands on the titular Fantasy Island. The concierge guides them to their luxury rooms and cocktail hour, whereupon the smooth Mr. Roarke appears to confirm the reason for their visit: the island will make their dream come true. 

Brothers JD and Brax start it off with a spring break-like pool party, while the more mature Gwen revisits her chance to accept her ex-boyfriend's marriage proposal. Melanie gets to enact extreme revenge on her middle school bully and Patrick gets to finally play soldier, the dream he's had since his father died heroically on duty. 

It's all fun and games until they all realize, at right the same moment, that the fantasies are indeed too real. 

Fantasy Island is directed by Jeff Wadlow, who also made the Lucy Hale-starring Truth or Dare (not to be confused with the other movie that told the exact same story with the same beats and was also titled Truth or Dare but did not contain a Pretty Little Liar). Here's what I had to say about that film back in my original watch:

The film was savaged by critics when it came out in theaters, but as a two-years-later Hulu watch, it's exactly the kind of hot-people-in-peril horror flick that I tend to enjoy.

And here we are again! 

Great cinema? No. Fully watchable? Absolutely! On Hulu, yes, that too.

Lucy Hale gets to be dynamically snarky. Ryan Hansen and Jimmy O. Yang create an adorably dumbly funny brotherly dynamic that works (at least for me). Michael Pena has fun as island master Mr. Roarke, and Maggie Q helps to lend a little humanity to the whole affair. There's even a Michael Rooker gone rogue subplot. Why did horror fans hate this?

Sure, there was some kerfuffle over the film's late decision to edit down for a PG13 rating, but honestly, there was really no need to go any harsher. Granted, as someone who has their own, I don't need to see what were apparently digital bikini top-covered breasts, nor did I find any of the violence (which ranges from grenade explosions to electrocution torture) lacking in the level of intensity required. 

This is knowingly dumb, high concept horror fluff that wants to have a good time and look good doing it. I was buying what it sold.

High Points

Many thought the big plot twist was stupid. I'm not saying they were wrong, but for me, it gave a fun boost to an already silly story and shuffled character dynamics around in a way that felt fresh

Low Points

Obviously, the fact that every other person who watched this movie hated it has SOME merit, and if Fantasy Island's goal was on a horror scale, then I can easily agree that there's nothing that comes close to being scary

Lessons Learned

According to dorks, LARPing is fun

Most fantasies are painfully unimaginative and involve lots of sex stuff

A hero's a guy who's too stupid to stay alive

Rent/Bury/Buy

I often find myself the lone defender of PG13 horror, so if I've sold you on these before and you found yourself disappointed, I can't say for certain this will be different. I found this an incredibly entertaining summer watch. The 8% positive rating on Rotten Tomatoes suggests MOST wouldn't agree. Make of that what you will! I've never claimed to have good taste. 

Corn Rigs & Coconuts

Because Neil LaBute is a laughable misogynist who directs films with the spiritual energy of an angry teenage boy lashing out on the internet after being rejected by his crush because he had Cheetos stuck in his teeth, it's safe to say we've experienced the worst possible remake of The Wicker Man that can ever be humanely possibly. So go ahead, Death of Me! Do your worst.

Quick Plot: Americans Christine and Neil wake up with a massive hangover on their last day on a remote island off Thailand's mainland. With barely any memory from the heavy partying the night before, they rush their way to their boat only to discover their passports are missing. 

Looks like they're stuck in tropical paradise, right in time for a massive typhoon. The locals laugh off the weather reports because, as the brochures proudly proclaim, there hasn't been a storm in over 200 years. The couple decides to dig into their phones and cameras to help piece together their missing memories only to discover a haunting video that puts a whole new perspective on their lost evening.

Not surprisingly, Neil and Christine drank HARD, and not just fruity mai tais. Video shows them accepting a uniquely strong drink from a flirty waitress, who followed up the shots with a mysterious necklace for Christine. After, they stumbled home to their airbnb and had aggressive sex, which ended when Neil choked Christine to death and buried her in a shallow grave.

What a great concept, right?! It's haunting and fresh, and yet, for reasons I don't understand, Death of Me decides to stop it in its tracks and proceed to just follow every step of the much better The Wicker Man. Don't worry, it is most certainly aware of what it's doing, so much so that Neil stops to say, "hey, what happened in The Wicker Man?" 

I can't decide if I should commend Death of Me for saluting the elephant in the room or chide it for reminding the audience how much better a movie we could be watching.

Directed by the inconsistent but genre-loving Darren Lynn Bousman, Death of Me is an extremely frustrating, possibly racist, occasionally neat, and ultimately unsatisfying tale. From the beautiful Thai setting and unusual setup to its decent cast and score, It's positively dripping in potential. This film should work!

It does not.

Maggie Q and Luke Hemsworth are adequate, though the screenplay (credited to three writers: Ari Margolis, James Morley III, and David Tish) never offers a single detail about their lives to make them interesting and not, you know, just very attractive. The magical island is described as being small, yet Bousman makes no effort to give us any sense of its geography. Also, it's not necessarily my place to say it, but the more I think about Death of Me's depiction of its villains, the more horrifically problematic it seems. Thailand is known as the land of smiles, and Bousman's camera turns that into something sinister in a way that just doesn't feel right (especially coming from what seems like a fairly American, Caucasian creative team). 

The thrust of Death of Me's story is that human sacrifice staves off tsunamis. The very idea is cringe-worthy, and the film never really seems to know whose side it's ultimately on. It wants us to see the islanders as monsters, but half of that comes from the simple fact that they're speaking a language most of the intended audience doesn't understand. Are we supposed to be afraid of a shot like this?

Yes, The Wicker Man's morals and faith are also muddy, but turning Gaelic culture into folk horror feels a bit less icky in 2021 than making Thai customs into something of terror. It also doesn't help that I watch Death of Me thinking about a much better outsiders-in-Southeast-Asia film (Fabrice Du Weiz's Vinyan) and how that was effectively used:

Made for more money than your average under-the-radar horror film (you can tell that just be seeing this streaming on Netflix as opposed to Amazon Prime), Death of Me is not a waste of time. It has ideas, and it's pretty enough to look at. But if you're the type of genre fan who can't let some very bad choices go, it will frustrate you to no end.

Still: nice beach. 

High Points

I'll never complain about seeing Starry Eyes' Alex Essoe show up in a genre film, and while I wish she had more to do here, she still helps lend a great sense of distrust to the film as the airbnb host with secrets

Low Points

You know how on America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks would often chide a beautiful young woman who didn't know how to work in front of the camera with the line, "the camera loves you, but you don't love the camera?" Well, that's somewhat true of how this film uses Thailand. Death of Me is infinitely more interesting because of its location, but I don't know that Bousman or his team pull anything exciting out of it

Lessons Learned

The Wicker Man might have had a different ending had Howie had a cell phone, but considering how poor service is anytime a genre movie is set away from a character's home, I'd say we'd have the same movie...only with a few scenes of "no bars!"

A tourist should never be confused for a celebrated guest

Maybe don't shoot the mystery gasoline-flavored alcohol that locals won't drink? JUST A THOUGHT

Rent/Bury/Buy

As with Abattoir, I appreciate Bousman's commitment to putting new spins on horror. And as with Abattoir, I find myself wildly disappointed in the end result.