Zombie Cleanup In Aisle 5

When any film made in the ‘70s opens with a young girl sporting a Marcia Brady-like patterned dress slitting the throat of a grown man, it probably doesn’t have to work too hard to win me over. Thusly do we enter 1973’s cult classic, Messiah of Evil. 

Quick Plot: Arletty heads to a small coastal town in search of her father, a renowned painter who came to the remote seaside town of Point Dune, California, to work in peace. While she doesn’t find her dad, Arletty does discover his diary, in which he recorded the odd happenings that plagued him in recent months. 

Rather than sit down and FINISH reading the increasingly ominous journal entries, Arletty wanders the mysterious town to ask suspicious locals if they can help. Soon she stumbles upon a trio of swinging hippies, led by the seductive Thom and now spending the night in her father’s modern mansion. When one of Thom’s lady partners decides to split, we see that the town of Point Dune is in the slow process of descending into some sort of zombie-like state of cannibalism.

Messiah of Evil is a strange, strange little film, and ultimately, it’s all the better for it. Written and directed on a minuscule budget by William Huyck and Gloria Katz (screenwriters for Indianna Jones and the Temple of Doom and Howard the Duck), the movie suffered a good deal of financing woes and may (according to some reports) have been edited and released by a team not associated with the original production at all. Oddly enough, such confusion seems to help the overall effect of the film.

The plot is a mess. Motivations are hardly explained. The history of Point Dune’s human-eating cult is somewhat tossed in in the film’s final act (though much of what comes before seems to assume the audience already knows) and there’s the lingering issue that if Arletty had just sat down for twenty minutes and finished her dad’s very detailed diary entries, this whole situation could have been avoided and our pretty redheaded protagonist could be sipping daiquiris on a beach not oozing with the carnivorous undead. 

And yet, the messiness of Messiah of Evil may be part of its charm. The pacing is so inconsistent that the film puts you in a constant state of unease. Scenes of horror, as especially evidenced by Thom’s second girlfriend’s ill-fated trip to the cinema, unfold slowly, quietly, and in such a way that it turns audience impatience into brilliant tension. 

High Points

The film’s ending (hinted at with its opening framing device) does a great job of making the events of Messiah of Evil all the more cruel

Low Points

I suppose the film could have explained or even planted stronger seeds about its blood moon/cannibal cult/devil’s descendent/zombie plague mythology earlier on, but what can you do?

Lessons Learned

You don’t just unzip a man and say good night

Being sleep deprived and going insane due to mutant demon bites will do wonders for your penmanship

Popcorn buckets were gloriously bottomless in the 1970s

Look! It’s—

Royal Dano, always and forever known to be as the first victim of those pesky Killer Klowns From Outer Space playing the part of Arletty’s long-suffering zombified dad

Also, who knew! A founding member of The Blue Man Group

Also of note: the production design is credited to none other than Jack Fisk, he of such noted De Palma classics as Carrie and Phantom of the Paradise (and yes, also the husband of the one and only Sissy Spacek)

Rent/Bury/Buy

I’d long seen Messiah of Evil show up on forgotten movie lists, and I’m quite glad I finally gave it a go (streaming free for Amazon Prime users). The film is something of a mess, but as discussed, those elements somehow work together to create a strange nightmare of sorts that stands quite high in the post-Night of the Living Dead surge of zombie horror. It’s definitely worth a go. 

It's Coming, & It's Really Wicked

Jack Clayton's The Innocents might well be one of cinema's most overlooked and outstanding ghost stories put to screen. It's quiet and subtle, but also wonderfully creepy and deceptively disturbing. It would make perfect sense then for Clayton to return to the genre he so excelled in, especially if being paired with novelist Ray Bradbury.

It would make sense, right? Now let's toss in the name "Walt Disney" and see logic ride a train out of town.

Quick Plot: In the scenic Illinois hamlet of Greentown, young Will and Jim are about to settle into a typically quiet October when, as the title hints, something wicked does indeed come.

This particular breed of evil arrives in the form of an unseasonal carnival, run by a steely eyed and magnificently creepy Jonathon Pryce as the not at all ominously named Mr. Dark. At first, the boys and their fellow townspeople are happy to ride a ferris wheel before the nips of November set in, but when a few unhappy locals disappear (and none too coincidentally, the carnival's staff seems to double) Will, Jim, and Will's self-doubting father Charles (played by a supremely wonderful Jason Robards) are forced to confront the unseemly fact that Mr. Dark's circus is not operating on the good side of morality.

Produced by Disney Studios and based on a Bradbury novel (which he himself adapted here), Something Wicked This Way comes is one of those 'children's' films of the '80s that is anything but. Though it is primarily seen through the young eyes of Will, this is a dark story, one that walks a slippery tightrope between nostalgia, mortality, and all-out fear. While it wears the scars of studio interference, confused rewrites, and a messy ending, it's also the kind of oddity that I found truly special.

The basis rolls off Bradbury's page as he smoothly translates his language to the screen. The opening narration--an apparent post-process addition--introduces us to a sleepy town and its quirky residents with careful skill. I imagine that the novel went into rich detail about the plainness of a schoolteacher spinster, but the screenwriter in Bradbury is smart enough to know that saying "You would never believe it, but she was once the most beautiful woman in town" is more than sufficient to tell us what we need to know. Though the younger actors aren't necessarily the most skilled at delivering some of the dialogue, for the most part, Bradbury's script has a strong ear that gives good actors an audio feast. When the stage-trained Pryce launches into maniacally evil poetry to seduce his latest victim or the rock solid Robards waxes on about the time he failed his son, Something Wicked This Way Comes hits its true stride. Much like the criminally underrated The Exorcist III, this is a film written by a novelist who understands how his words play on the camera and makes the most out of them.

That is not to say that Something Wicked This Comes isn't something of a mess. Certain scare sequences feel a tad forced in terms of story, even if it does give us the kind of tarantula mob scene fit for nightmares. The ending, whatever it is, doesn't make a lick of sense that I can taste. Robards reads some local mythology about how an evil carnival comes to town in October every couple of decades only to leave with the next big storm, but that still never provides any logical explanation of a) why Greentown b) why now c) what Mr. Dark's endgame is or most importantly, d) what the heck a storm has to do with it. It's clear from some library journals that a storm always marks the carnival's disappearance, but that doesn't make the surprisingly gruesome finale mean anything in terms of stakes, if it was bound to happen anyway. Also of note, and this is a MAJOR SPOILER

Do we ever learn what became of the few unlucky citizens to buy into the devil's promises? I imagined that the Disney portion of this film would show itself in a sugary coda, but instead, we just get a happy father/son moment. No word on the barber-turned-bearded lady, the youthful but blind teacher, the fully limbed former amputee or the greedy cigar shop owner. I wouldn't have a problem knowing that they DIDN'T join in the happy ending, but it's frustrating not to know.

SPOILERS OVER

All this aside, I found Something Wicked This Way Comes exceedingly fun in a youthfully macabre manner. This is a twisted little movie that seems primed to poke its intended young audience right where they're vulnerable, be that the threat of giant spiders or the fear of losing your parents. It doesn't work as seamlessly as it could, but when it does, it does so with committed and cruel energy that makes it hard to look away.

Oh, and in case  you were wondering why this title appears during February's Attack of the Shorties, allow me to demonstrate with Exhibit A, a little person clown parade!

And more notably, Exhibit B, wherein Dark's business associate is transformed (via magical carousel, natch) into a pre-Problem Child problem child, right down to the ginger 'do and bowtie

High Notes
Jason Robards brings such brilliant weight to his character, a 50something year old librarian with heart problems and a constant sense of inadequacy stemming from his age in relation to fatherhood. Charles Holloway is a fascinating and wonderfully written man in the hands of Bradbury, and Robards adds such solid presence and skill that it almost hurts

Similarly, few actors could deliver threats like "we butter our bread with delicious pain" with the same seductive musicality as Jonathon Pryce

Low Notes
The not so grand, yet very confusing finale

Middle Note
James Horner's busy musical score (an apparent post-production change that Clayton was displeased with) is extremely conspicuous and occasionally distracting, but it's also a very clear product of its time (see the similarly toned Lady In White for support). I kind of love its blaring enthusiasm, but I can see how it might break the mood for some viewers

Stray Note
The Ewok Movie 2: Caravan of Courage fan in me finds it near impossible to not write the title of this film as Something Wicket This Way Comes

Lessons Learned
With heart problems, limit nightly activities to one drink and one cigar

Pillows make for surprisingly effective tarantula fighting weapons

Some folks draw lightning to them as a cat sucks in a baby's breath

Lessons Cribbed By An Actor From Another Movie
If Jim Nightshade looked familiar, it may have been because you recognized him from the very different (or maybe not different at all) slasher The Funhouse, where young Shawn Carson played the final girl's younger brother. In that Tobe Hooper film, Carson watches big sis hide out in a dark ride in order to stay inside after closing hours...the very same plan he and Will use to catch some extra glimpses of Dark's Carnival. Looks like someone was taking notes

Look! It's...
Royal Dano, playing yet another old hillbilly kook encountering some nefarious electricity at a circus with bad intentions

And hold the phone Foxy: Pam Grier as the silent but bewitching assistant to Mr. Dark

Rent/Bury/Buy
I found Something Wicked This Way Comes to be a wonderfully unusual treat from a bygone era, but I also went into the film knowing nary a detail about it. With that in mind, random sights like Pam Grier in a wedding gown or Royal Dano getting the electric chair were bound to keep me shocked, while the genuinely strong stuff--Robards hefty performance, Pryce's lyrical villain, Bradbury's intricate language--kept me glued to the screen. The film does indeed have a lot of problems in terms of its tone and story, making it even more shameful that the DVD release is so bare bones. This is a film that begs for some behind the camera discussion or deleted scenes. Without those, this is a definite recommend for a rental. It's simply too strange to not see.

Needs More Katt

I seem to have bad luck with the House sequels.

See, you probably don’t know this, but quite a few months ago, I sat down to watch The Horror Show with the full intention of sharing my thoughts in this familiar place. I was even more enthused when I realized it was occasionally considered an in-name-only threequel to the bouncy William Kattastic House. 

(Random thought: the next installment should indeed be about a haunted bouncy house)

For whatever reason, I just couldn’t get a review written. I bumbled around a little bit, learned one lesson (“If a foot’s frying in one deep fryer, you can probably guess the rest of the parts are frying in another”) and decided to abandon ship, leaving Lance Henrikson and Michelle Pfeiffer’s less famous sister on their own.

Cut to a few months later when the horror comedy mood struck me hard enough to queue up the ACTUAL House sequel, a film that proves its pedigree by a) sharing its predecessor’s theme and b) also featuring a barfly from Cheers. Although House II: The Second Story (possible favorite subtitle ever) doesn’t actually connect to the original in terms of character, it is a little more official in terms of its franchise pedigree.

And once again, I feel incredibly apathetic writing about it.

Quick Plot: Our prologue introduces us to a married couple handing off their infant son to another while they return to their Victorian style home to confront what can only be described as a ghost cowboy looking for a crystal skull.

Already better than Indy 4

When the pair refuses him, our ghost cowboy shoots them both and sends us 25 years later to the rocking ‘80s present, where Jesse (Ellen’s Arye Gross) and his girlfriend Kate (the telepathic heroine of the seventh Friday the 13th) are now moving into the long-abandoned home. Before they even have a chance to find the nearest pizza delivery, their pals Charlie and pre-Problem Child Amy Yasbeck drunkenly drive on over to open up all sorts of house secrets, including the burial location of Jesse’s namesake and great grandpa.

Because alcohol generally makes us do really awesome things, Jesse and Charlie grab some shovels and exhume Gramps (played with the same bumpkin swagger as Royal Dano’s one year later role in Killer Klowns From Outer Space) in the hopes of finding the famed skull. Gramps turns out to be rather spry--if a bit crusty--and turns into the life of the Halloween party, stealing the show from a young Bill Maher. When a big beefy leotarded giant crashes the festivities to hijack the relic, Jesse and Charlie end up traversing the alternate dimensions hidden within the house.

Stop motion animated monsters wander, weird dino bird things squawk, and the cutest worm since Labyrinth barks its way around to help protect Gramps from the ghost cowboy he apparently killed a hundred years or so earlier. There’s also a random time warp into an Incan virgin sacrifice (maybe?), a blond being traded for another and back again, a whole lot of slapsticky skull dropping, and time travel.

You might say this is a busy film.

House II: The Second Story shares the same horror comedy vibe as its original, minus the whole PTSD Vietnam veteran angle and dead kid thing. In other words, it’s a little lighter. With its cartoon violence and colorful creatures, House II actually feels more in line with an episode of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse than The Evil Dead.

I should like House II, and I’m fairly certain that on another day, I just might. Like the original, it boasts a gleeful assortment of bizarrely fun practical monsters, plus an even goofier tone that just begs to be contagious. For whatever reason though, I found the antics somewhat tiresome. Most days, the sight of a prehistoric worm dog would make me smile. Today, I just yawned.

High Points

Prehistoric worm dog!

Aside from the prehistoric worm dog, House II’s best moments come courtesy of Cliff Clifton himself, John Ratzenberger playing the world’s most efficient electrician who also happens to have Michonne-like skills when fencing Incan spirits

Low Points

A gal can only watch so many interceptions via dinosaur of magical crystal skulls before she just stops caring

Lessons Learned

Even in the late 80s, car phones got no reception in haunted locations

Neither mummies nor baby pterodactyls make for a good excuse when caught getting friendly with your ex

‘Sir’ is a term reserved for politicians

All old folksy men played by Royal Dano in the late '80s had a lot of questions for tarnation

Rent/Bury/Buy

House II fits a very particular niche of ‘80s horror comedies, and by those terms, it’s a fun watch. I would certainly recommend fans of that era check this one out via Instant Watch, even if I seemed in this viewing to be immune to its considerable charms. I’ll chalk it up to the weather, because on a typical day, I fully endorse old grizzled zombie prospectors going on Abe Simpson-esque rants while being fueled by endless liquor. Maybe I’m the weirdo in this scenario.