Behind the Mask (is another one)

Look at me, being timely (for once) with a Halloween-set horror film in October!

Quick Plot: Harper is a college student excited for a Halloween out with friends and far away from her abusive boyfriend. After some loud bar time, her squad heads to a remote haunted attraction, one so extreme that it requires signed waivers and cellphone surrenders.

Obviously, this is not a friendly place. Our staff is composed of members of some kind of violent cult who modify their faces into fleshy masks and murder unsuspecting drunk teenagers with glee. Can Harper and her other blandly (mostly) pretty friends make it out alive? WHO will survive, and what will be left of them?, you might ask.

Made by the writing/directing duo of Scott Beck and Bryan Woods, Haunt is pretty much exactly what you expect from its premise. As with, say, Volcano and Dante's Peak or The Silence and A Quiet Place (the latter also written by Beck and Woods), it's impossible to think about Haunt without comparing it to Hell Fest, the other 2018/19 non-found footage horror film following a group of young college kids through a homicidal Halloween house. The film wasn't overly well-received by critics or the horror community, which surprised me because it was bloody, quick, and genuinely fun.

Haunt is a lesser Hell Fest.

It's not bad by any means, and for me, much more enjoyable than some other recent homicidal haunt films (The Houses October Built and Hell House LLC). But...I don't know. It's fine? Katie Stevens is a sympathetic final girl and Harper's backstory of abuse adds some weight to her character, but I just didn't get that much out of its scares. 

If you're going to place your horror film in a setting that's supposed to be the scariest experience its characters can have, I guess I just expect more from you? In my least expressive teacher voice, I feel like my real summation is simply, "I'm not mad, just a little disappointed."

High Points

While I didn't find Haunt's horror segments overly effective, there is certainly some skill at work. I'm a sucker for the "it's coming eventually" trick, and Haunt has some good fun drawing out a "stick your arm in a hole" gag that goes on just long enough to make you inch up on your chair

Low Points

I get that it can easily happen, and I understand that it's an effective genre move, but I can't say it in my Low Points enough: having your beleaguered heroine accidentally kill (and oddly enough, almost always stab) her friend thinking it's her stalker is a mean, nasty trick, and I've been over it for 20 years

Lessons Learned

Just because you planted your own haunt traps doesn't mean you're immune to their tricks

Criminal psychologists know all about 2-way mirrors

In any group of attractive college students, there will inevitably be one prankster who deserves to die

Rent/Bury/Buy

Haunt is a perfectly fine horror film, especially for the Halloween season. For whatever reason, it just didn't do much for me (compared to the incredibly fun time I had with Hell Fest). See if works better for you on Shudder!

Black Mirror Revisit: Black Museum

 

Third from the bottom in my initial ranking of Black Mirror was the one episode you can't watch out of order, Black Museum. Like most anthology-style storytelling, the segments vary wildly, so much so that I barely remembered a third of the episode upon rewatch. 

But hey: it's hard to be too hard on anything that introduced us to the future Black Panther.

The Talent

Veteran British TV director Colm McCarthy takes on the reins, and if that name sounds familiar even if (like me), you don't live on a BBC diet, that might be because he also helmed the fiercely entertaining The Girl With All the Gifts. Showrunner Charlie Brooker wrote the script, basing the first segment on a story by none other than magician Penn Jillette. Throw in the born-to-be-a-star pre-Shiri Leticia Wright, and you have some pretty promising ingredients.

The Setup

British tourist Nish (Wright) stops to power up her vintage car in the middle of the southwest desert, deciding to kill a few hours at the mysterious Black Museum conveniently located in the middle of nowhere. The owner and proprietor, Rolo Haynes, eagerly gives her a tour through its treasures: artifacts of recent crimes involving technology, many of which come straight from the Black Mirror vault. 

Part of Black Museum's charms are indeed its easter eggs, in this case, props from previous episodes that open up far too many questions about Brooker's universe. Is 15 Million Merits just a graphic novel, rather than a terrifying future dystopia? Does a bee relic from Hated In the Nation imply those many hundreds of thousands of people actually died? It's probably better not to overthink the references...

Especially since they're really not central to the actual plot of the episode, which turns into an anthology framed by Rolo's past exploits representing a neuro technology company. The first story feels as though it would be better serviced by Tales From the Crypt, following a doctor who gets to experience his patients' physical pain without the consequences. Story 2, the most interesting and Black Mirror-y, follows Carrie, a young mother comatized by a car accident, whose mind is then transported into her loving husband before marital woes lead him to swap it out into a teddy bear. Naturally, everything works out great! Finally, the third story tells the sad tale of a wrongly imprisoned black man named Clayton Leigh, who signs over his digital identity to Rolo's company, not realizing that his reward will be an eternity of being executed by a bloodthirsty, often racist paying public.

The Ending

Hey, you can't complain that Black Museum doesn't deliver some satisfaction in its closing moments. Nish, you see, isn't a wandering stranger but the daughter of Clayton Leigh, and she's deliberately sought out Rolo in order to pay him back for all of the pain his cruel indifference has caused her family. This involves freeing her father's digital persona and trading it in for Rolo, who gets stuck as an electrocuted keychain before presumably being burned alive inside his own house of horrors. Nish also saves the Carrie Bear along the way.

The Theme

Hey, did you know technology is dangerous? BLACK MUSEUM DOES.

I guess there's a little more to it in that Rolo's villainy is more specifically tied not just to human cruelty, but the selfish tradeoffs we make, trading our souls for more convenience or career esteem. 

More interestingly and yet less thoughtful is the flirtation with examining race (something consistently frustrating in the Black Mirror universe). The fact that Clayton is a wrongly executed black man isn't something you can ignore, but there's no actual commentary beyond that.

The Verdict

Eh. Black Museum is certainly more entertaining than The Waldo Moment and less soul-crushing than Shut Up and Dance, but much like its unofficial partner White Christmas, the anthology aspect creates an uneven experience. The first story has nothing to say and feels like it belongs in a completely different television universe. The second hits, but also, well, feels quite a bit like a story in aforementioned White Christmas. Leticia Wright helps to make the last segment feel as rewarding as possible, but a simple vengeance tale doesn't really seem that creative 5 seasons in. 

Technology Tip

Any new development that seems too good to be true, asking nothing of you but to weave it inside your daily life, is, without question, something that will destroy everything you thought you loved

The Black Mirror Grade

Cruelty Scale: If you average together the three (4/10 for a story where no one really matters, 8/10 for Carrie's sad tale, and an even 5/10 averaging a 10 for Clayton's fate but a 0 for Nish's sweet revenge) you get 5.repeating6 so...that?

Quality Scale: 6/10; That first segment really brings the rest down

Enjoyment Scale: 6/10. There is some fun to be had in the visual references, and the fact that the episode ends on such grand comeuppance certainly leaves us with a better taste than some of the darker episodes. 

Up Next: Guess it's time to choose a few adventures with #20, Bandersnatch.

The Stepford Lives

 

One of my favorite measurements for a horror movie is to examine what kind of dreams I have the night I watch it. For Vivarium, they were WEIRD.

That's a good thing.

Quick Plot: Gemma and Tom are growing increasingly frustrated by their limited findings in their quest for the perfect home. Having exhausted the nearby possibilities, they decide to check out Yonder, a new suburban development that seems a little far out of the way of Gemma's schoolhouse and Tom's landscaping job.

They're led to Yonder by Martin, an incredibly odd realtor who doesn't seem to know how to speak to other human beings. Yonder itself seems nice enough: street after street of identical avocado green 2-bedroom homes with modern kitchens and compact yards. There's even a pre-decorated baby boy's room just waiting for the right couple to give to their first male child.

Just as Gemma begins to question where the rest of the neighbors are, Martin vanishes, leaving Gemma and Tom to hop back in their car and hightail it out of there. 

Except, of course, there is no way out.

Well, maybe I spoke too soon. After trying to escape a few of the old fashioned ways, Tom and Gemma receive a mysterious delivery in a Blue Apron-style cardboard box. Unlike their past vacuum-sealed tasteless food, this one contains a newborn baby with a simple message: Raise the child and be released.

Talk about society forcing parenthood on childless couples! The child, it turns out, is a weird little thing, one who ages at an exponential rate but remains a rather horrible, inhuman creature who insists on dressing like a Mormon missionary. Tom and Gemma have agreed to treat it like a thing, feeding it cereal to stop the incessant screaming but avoiding any hints of affection.

One day, Tom discovers some sort of gooey dirt underneath his astroturf lawn. With nothing else to do, he starts to dig, hoping he can discover a path out of Yonder or just keep himself busy and farther away from the incredibly creepy Young Sheldon wannabe that wants to be his son. Gemma, a schoolteacher, can't help but become intrigued by the kid's development.

Vivarium is my kind of movie (see my love of the much underrated House Hunting). It's a genuinely unique but focused premise, and writer/director Lorcan Finnegan lays it out with such twisted simplicity that I think I fell in love. Granted, I find the idea of forced parenthood of monster children to be my deepest nightmare, making me an easy mark for this kind of story, but there's a lot more here: a passionate but fragile romantic relationship thrown into a cruel test before it's really ready, suggestions of otherworldy creatures with a terrifying master plan, literal layers of strangeness, and more.

I dug it.

High Points

I truly hope Imogen Poots enjoys genre filmwork because my GOSH is she good at it. This woman deserves a much bigger career than she thus far has, but I wonder if she actively picks her projects because the roles themselves give her so much room to explore. She's as good here as she was in Black Christmas, conveying such a deep well of dying enthusiasm for her life while still having some kind of conscience about her decisions

Low Points

I actually really like how Jesse Eisenberg is used, but I do wish there was just a little more charm to him at the beginning to justify what Gemma really saw in him in the first place

Lessons Learned

I know we all watched The Babadook thinking, "this is the worst child in horror movie existence" but guess what? This kid makes Sam look like Rhoda Penmark as seen by those who didn't suspect her of serial killing. My point here, in terms of a lesson, is that there are simply no bottom to the depths of how awful children can really be

Rent/Bury/Buy

Quarantine has put Vivarium in more prominent spotlight than it might have otherwise, and sure: a story about the insanity of being stuck in one place with the same faces, homeschooling an unstable boy certainly speaks to our time, but in any other year, I think I still would be highly recommending this film. There's a strong sense of discipline at work in Finnegan's work here, and I'm excited to see more. 

Into the Culture Shock

Hulu's Into the Dark series has generally mixed reviews, so I'm now thinking I just have really good luck in randomly picking the good ones. 

Quick Plot: Marisol is making her second attempt to cross the Mexican border, seeking refuge in the United States. Her first try ended in tragedy and a brutal rape, leaving her heavily pregnant as she teams up yet again with a no-nonsense coyote. 

The less you know about Culture Shock going in the better, as it takes some sharp tonal turns in genuinely surprising ways. Director Gigi Saul Guerrero (who also did a lot of reworking of the original script by Efren Hernandez and James Benson) brings an incredibly fresh, immediate energy to the narrative, establishing a realistically bleak opening that makes the abrupt switch all the more effective. 

If you've seen Culture Shock or are that odd movie fan who likes to know too much, I'll go into a little more detail here.

As always, you've been warned.

After seemingly getting caught by violent cartel members, Marisol awakens in a bright, Stepford Wives existence where her healthy newborn is being cared by a way too smiley Barbara Crampton. The whole town of Cape Joy is cheerfully planning the big Independence Day celebration, but only Marisol seems to sense the extreme weirdness of waking up every day with perfect makeup and a non-wrinkled A-line dress.

The reveal of Cape Joy being nothing more than an elaborate (albeit surprisingly dirty) virtual simulation is sad and cruel, and fully loaded with important commentary. Like many a recent socially charged genre film, its story merits far more time than a brief 90 minute cutoff allows, which keeps this from quite reaching the echelon of greatness. Still, it shows a remarkably talented and unique voice in its director, and manages to be scary, funny, thoughtful, and surprising.

High Points

Guerrero's direction is wonderfully rich, but the movie would fall apart without Martha Higareda's steely performance as Marisol, who holds virtually every scene together

Low Points

The actual government conspiracy action-y climax didn't quite satisfy the incredible potential of the film's narrative, but an argument could easily be made that the villains were far from the main point of Culture Shock, so I'm not terribly bothered by the ending's slight disappointment (particularly when the final beat and Marisol's specific finale is so satisfying)

Lessons Learned

You can always judge a woman by the quality of her homemade soup

The best way to outsmart a cruel simulation is to not accept dessert

It seems I will never be about to outsmart a cruel simulation

Rent/Bury/Buy

Like the rest of the Into the Dark series, Culture Shock is a quick 90 minute stream on Hulu, and this one is absolutely worth your time. Go in blind and see what you find. 

A Walk In the Woods

 

In the age of having more streaming services than DVDs on our shelves, many a movie fan can spend more time flipping through titles and reading synopses than actually consuming film. Sometimes, just pick a movie at random and give it a try. 

It works. 

Quick Plot: Jules and Jackie are celebrating their 1-year wedding anniversary at the secluded lakeside cabin property Jackie's family has owned since her childhood. Everything is scenic and perfectly sexy, though Jules becomes a little unnerved when Jackie's old childhood pal Sarah stops by and calls Jackie "Meghan."

To delve any deeper into a plot synopsis of What Keeps You Alive would be cruel. I went in knowing absolutely nothing about this film, and it paid off tremendously. If you want to watch a skillfully made, genuinely surprising genre film, queue it up on Netflix, stop reading and come back in 100 minutes. 

I'll wait.

Welcome back. Let's go deeper.

How good is What Keeps You Alive? IT'S VERY GOOD RIGHT?

Knowing nothing about the plot, I assumed I'd be getting a good ol' fashioned survivalist horror flick. That brilliant act of violence 26 minutes in gave me an audible gasp, flipping my expectations in such a fantastically surprising and effective way.

Granted, there were plenty of clues that Jackie/Meghan wasn't quite right from the beginning. Hannah Emily Anderson keeps popping up in some of my favorite new horror projects (Jigsaw, The Purge television series) and she is riveting here, playing such a terrifyingly controlled psychopath that you almost want her to make it if it could lead to a sequel. Brittany Allen (who also composed the score) seems to feel everything as Jules, which is such a smart contrast to the dangerous blankness that lets Jackie kill without restraint.

What Keeps Us Alive was written and directed by Colin Minihan, formerly one half of The Vicious Brothers who breathed new life into the found footage genre with the exceptional Grave Encounters. While this film has little in common in terms of its style or story, it shares that same spirit of taking a ubiquitous setup and finding a new way in. 

It probably goes on a tad too long and doesn't quite nail its pacing in its final act, but boy did I have a good time. It's a solid, tense tale, and I'm excited to see more from all involved.

High Points

THAT 26 MINUTE POINT

Low Points

Checkhov's law of diabetic movie characters is in full force here, and I'll just never quite get over that "I bet that will pay off in a finale" groan when a camera lingers on insulin in the first reel. That being said, What Keeps You Alive does manage to do a pretty effective rug pull on how it times the inevitable reminder

Lessons Learned

You can tell a lot about your romantic partner's nature based on which bird of prey he or she chooses as their double

When covering up bloodstains, remember the cardinal rule: blot, don't scrub

If you require assistance during a dinner party, it's always better to ask before a few bottles of wine have been opened and consumed

Rent/Bury/Buy

Hopefully you've already seen What Keeps You Alive if you've read this far, but if you're one of those weirdos who enjoys spoilers and plunged forward anyway, please watch this film. It's streaming on Netflix JUST FOR YOU.

Black Mirror Revisit: The Waldo Moment

 

Season 1, Episode 3: The Waldo Moment

Coming in second to last in my initial ranking of Black Mirror, The Waldo Moment is not an overly beloved episode by, as far as I can see, many television critics or Black Mirror fans. I was dreading the revisit.

My memory of The Waldo Moment wasn't just that it was a mediocre 50 minutes, but worse, that it had aged somewhat painfully in a post-2016 U.S. election world. 

I'll say one thing: this is not the episode to watch during another election year.

The Talent: Show creator Charlie Brooker writes the script, with veteran BBC producer/director Bryn Higgins at the helm. One thing to remember about Black Mirror's first season is how excessively British it was. Most of the cast is probably very recognizable across the pond, but only Tobias Menzies (or Game of Thrones or more excitedly, Rome fame) likely registers a, "oh, that guy" from American audiences.

The Setup: Jamie is a miserable, sad sack comedian who's found minor success in British television playing Waldo, a motion capture cartoon bear with a foul mouth. A successful roasting of a conservative parliament incumbent Liam Monroe (Menzies) leads Jamie's producers to push Waldo to enter the actual election. Also running is up-and-comer Gwendolyn Harris, an ambitious realist who knows this is simply a stepping stone to get experience on the trail.

Jamie and Gwendolyn bump into each other after a few too many drinks and end up in a one-night stand. The recently dumped Jamie becomes uncomfortably obsessed with Gwendolyn, who tries to pause the start of their maybe relationship until the election is over. Because Jamie is an awful baby of a grown man, he uses Waldo to destroy Gwendolyn's reputation (though in fairness, the suddenly not-so-smart Gwendolyn handily gives him all the fuel he needs to start the fire), all the while becoming more and more bitter at Waldo's fame. 

Meanwhile, an American spy agency (or something?) proposes a new deal with Jamie's producers to use the Waldo icon to...spread political unrest across the world? 

The Ending: In a dark, fairly stupid turn, Waldo is taken away from Jamie (is that a loss to anyone?), loses the election, gains a huge 4chan-ish shoe throwing following (presumably of young men who think South Park's Eric Cartman is too intellectually challenging) and...spreads political unrest around the world?

Two watches and I still just don't get it.

The Theme: One of the many problems with The Waldo Moment is that, much like Shut Up and Dance, there's a sense of feeling as though the audience is just supposed to shrug and say, "and?" I guess the driving theme is less Waldo's power and more Jamie's inability to do anything to stop it, in part because of some of the decisions he makes and simply doesn't make. 

The Verdict: I hate this episode. Was that unclear? Apologies to Shut Up and Dance, which is by FAR a better crafted hour of television. I continue to admit that The Waldo Moment *might* have played differently in 2013, and there's still a part of me that should give it credit for anticipating the nature of a political election thrown into turmoil by an outside-the-system ringer. 

That doesn't make it any more enjoyable.

Technology Tip: I suppose most of The Waldo Moment's downturn could have been avoided had Jamie been more cautious in his initial network deal. So while it's not necessarily the sexiest of morals, I'd say the one we get here is a simple "read the fine print (to avoid plunging the world into dystopia)."

The Black Mirror Grade

Cruelty Scale: 5/10 (now that we've been through Donald Trump, Waldo seems even more declawed)

Quality Scale: 3/10

Enjoyment Scale: 2/10

Up Next (Month): An educational field trip to the Black Museum!