Blob It

Even the most loyal genre fan has her film holes. Who amongst us hasn't had to duck for cover when admitting those classics we haven't seen, only to finally seek them out and end up befuddled with the results. We sometimes find that the very genre-defining moments have since been defined with more skill, leaving us appreciating, if not necessarily enjoying the originals.

My love of 1988's underloved The Blob knows no bounds. I think it's a perfect horror film, filled with strong likable characters, an affectionate sense of place, and a kickass monster that remains terrifying 20+ years of technology later. 

(C'mon: TWO mullets in one movie? That can't be done with CGI)

And now allow me to confess: until a few days ago, I had never seen its source material. I had no real interest in doing so. My illicit relationship with Mystery Science Theater 3000 has educated me immensely on '50s monster movies and while I know there are true gems buried in the nuclear dust (Them! cannot be praised highly enough), I also rarely approach them expecting my life to be changed. 

But there’s only so long a gal can go before digging into the archives...

Quick Plot: In a friendly small town--one so good-natured that even the local ruffians agree they've been driving too fast lately--the world's second oldest teenager Steve (McQueen) puts the moves on Janey in his hotrod before almost hitting an old man that has just been partially blobbed before 'partially blobbed' became the universal phrase I hope it one day is. The sole town doctor sends Steve and Janey to Officer Dave while he gets fully blobbed but not too surprisingly, nobody with a badge wants to believe the troublemaking teens. 

As someone born in 1982, my knowledge of the '50s is defined by a combination of my parents' nostalgia and cinematic education. Though there are no poodle skirts or milkshakes to be found in The Blob, the film does encompass just about every other aspect I assumed was present in daily '50s life: dang kids, fast cars, movie house dates and blobs. My older readers can tell me if I'm wrong (which is highly unlikely because c'mon...blobs). 

There is no hesitation on my part to say that The Blob is a fun film. The actual monster is juicy and neat, something that surprisingly still works today. Seeing a town unite remains adorable, and Burt Bacharach’s hit theme song is so amazing even my CAT was entranced by the opening credits.

I can’t say I was ever actually frightened for the gee whiz youngins or concerned townsfolk, but I smiled throughout like someone who had just slurped down a delicious bowl of strawberry jell-o.

High Points

Though I can’t really say The Blob holds up as a frightening film, the effects remain effective (badom bom!) and an early car mechanic death is filled with gooey suspense

Low Points

I don't mean to kick the former 6 year old Kieth (that's how imdb spells it) Almoney in his now sensible 59 year old shoes, but I think his first big scene with big sis Janey might contain some of the worst acting ever attempting by a child performer

Lessons Learned

Just because some kid smacks into your wife on the turnpike doesn't make it a crime to be 17 years old. (On a side note, that’s a dark little character backstory that’s probably thankfully not explored eh?)

Much to the chagrin of eager cleaning ladies, one cannot just dust around fingerprints at a crime scene

Even in all-American towns, you can count on school principals to be stuffy and slightly British

The best way to deal with a global threat is to airdrop it in Antarctica. It's still cold there, right?

Stray Observations

As someone who has watched Killer Klowns From Outer Space more times than Costas Mandylor has done bicep curls, I was shocked to realize just how much that 1986 ball of cotton candy was inspired by The Blob. A few similarities:

-Officer Dave and his dubious fellow cops

-opening the film on a kissing couple’s quest to find the landing of a shooting star

-an ill-fated old farmer and his dog

-and dialogue as close as “He says Doc Hallen is dead. I’ve got to check it out!” in comparison to “They say some people are dead. Let’s hear them out!”

Rent/Bury/Buy

Horror fans owe it to themselves to dive into the gelatinous goop that is The Blob. It’s a piece of film history that represents a very specific era in cinema and while it probably won’t scare you with the same power as Chuck Russell’s 1988 remake, it’s easily entertaining in an aw shucks kind of way. The Criterion release features oodles of extras well worth the dip. Just don’t blame me when you find your head bopping along to theme song...for the rest of your life.