More Proof For Why You Should Never Let Barbara Hershey Be Your Mom

Here’s the thing about the act of “going to the movies”: it lets you know what a ‘real’ roomful of ticket buyers actually thinks about virtually every beat. Sure, there are cell phone ringtones that defy rhythmic logic, inappropriate comments about after-show plans, and nacho crunching so loud it would make Marlee Matlin jump, but there is sometimes a genuine joy that comes with a Friday night crowd at a horror movie.

Thus is how I saw Insidious and really, that’s the way this better-than-you’d-think ghost(ish) story should be seen.

Quick Plot: A soon-to-be unhappy happy family moves into a creepy new house and immediately starts sensing trouble inside. Musician mom Renai (Rose Byrne, always sympathetic and sad-eyed) hears funky sounds over the baby monitor while middle child Dalton complains about bad things abound in his bedroom and dad Josh (Patrick Wilson) grows cold and distant. Before long, the boy falls into a mysterious coma and Renai is seeing flashes of mysterious strangers lurking in closets.

That’s the very basic setup of Insidious, and maybe all you should know going in. For the fresh spoiler-free review, skip down to the bottom or just hear me say here “I liked, didn’t love, but genuinely enjoyed Insidious and highly recommend buying a ticket.” Thanks for stopping by.

MINOR SPOILERS BEGIN

With Dalton unresponsive and the weirdness growing in the house, the Lamberts do something wacky (for a horror movie) and move. Assuming their real estate jenga cost them a few bucks, the new digs are much smaller and less haunting-ready, but that doesn’t stop an evil little dwarf thing from dancing wildly to Tiptoe Through the Tulips!

Yes, that happens, and it’s way more terrifying than Tiny Tim’s turn as a maybe-killer clown in Blood Harvest.

although looking at this photo, maybe Blood Harvest is way scarier than my memory recalls

I mean it! The dancing dwarf thing is ICKY and got the kind of universal “Ahh!” scream from my nacho-eating movie crowd that you long for with these kinds of films. For its first half, Insidious is incredibly effective as a haunted house/child tale. The solid cast keeps it grounded, central horror of a little boy lost keeps us caring, and two pretty dang incredible jump scares catch us at just the right place. It’s a GENUINELY scary film.

Even the ghostbusting comic relief keeps Insidious alive. At the recommendation of Josh’s mom Barbara Hershey (whaaaa?), Renai invites a trio of paranormal investigators inside. Sure, they’re clearly modeled on Poltergeist’s Zelda & Co. (or nerds from that OTHER Barbara Hershey possessed film, The Entity), but as played by screenwriter Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson, and Dead End’s Lin Shaye, they’re quite entertaining and do a nice job of lightening the mood before the inevitable spookhouse finale. And that, dear readers, is right where Insidious goes from great little theatrical horror treat to good one.

It’s not that Insidious throws away its strengths in the final reel; it just doesn’t quite commit to what it had established. The explanation for Dalton’s possession/absence/coma-thing works fine, and bringing in Josh’s past hauntings adds a fine layer to the end. The problem lies in Wan’s execution and styling in The Further, the sort of astral netherworld trapping Dalton and a slew of other beasties. While individual moments are skin-crawling (ironing ironing ironing!), the setting has no real visual style or basic geography, something that limits our sense of place. It doesn’t help that the main villain that has been terrifying us for the first hour ultimately looks like an extra from the ballroom dance sequence in Labyrinth.

But that being said, Insidious does end on a pretty fantastic note and hey, for one hour, it actually unnerved me. That’s not an easy feat nowadays.

High Points

Just because I get tired of people whining about it, let us all give a little nod to the fact that Insidious is rated PG-13 and in now way does that ever detract from any of its scares

One of my biggest pet peeves in horror is how characters never seem to think to turn on their lights when there are mysterious noises and/or certain killers lurking throughout their homes. So thank you, Josh Lambert, for insisting on flicking on EVERY SINGLE light switch when investigating

Low Points

Generally, the whole design (or lack thereof) of Dalton and Josh's astral land. Now that I've said that, I'm envisioning an amusement park named Astral Land and my goodness, it's far more visually interesting 

Lessons Learned

When not eerie, gas masks are great for a go-to laugh

Pay attention to your children's art. It may be awful, but occasionally, it will also give perfectly specific clues for finding them in Astral Land

Matching your pajamas to your family members is really just asking for a demon thing to come take one of you away

If we’ve learned anything from The Entity, Beaches, Black Swan, and now, Insidious, it is this: Barbara Hershey is not the woman you want to be your mom

Stray Observation

So do we all agree that the only reason this family had two other children, in terms of story, was so 1) we could have a baby monitor scare and 2) the older brother could spout that quite unsettling line, "I don't like when Dalton walks around." Because really, that's all they were there for yes?

See/Skip/Sneak In

Depending on which marketing campaign you’ve seen, you probably know that Insidious is made by either the (deep voice) “team that brought you Saw” or (slightly less deep voice) “producers of Paranormal Activity.” What it actually ties most to, however, is Wan & Whannell’s second team effort, Dead Silence, an imperfect but fun little throwback to classic horror. Insidious is far more accomplished and does seem to show an upward growth for these two genre enthusiastic Aussies. More importantly, it’s an original horror film (cue token ‘not a remake/sequel/reimagining/redux/rere’ tag) that is, in my opinion, easily worth a modern day ticket price. See it, share your thoughts, and if you eat nachos (and why should you not?) please, I say please, stop raping them during the quiet parts.