Call Me

Having lived a year in the land of the morning calm, I can confidently say that the only people I trust to make a film about a killer phone are Koreans. When I was there in 2005--back when the iPhone was a mere fantasy of dystopian literature--phones were STILL equipped with what can only be described as magic (or aps before they were aps). All mine had was a spectacular ringtone, but friends’ LGs included horoscope updates and breathalyzers.

Naturally, I’d go east for a serial killing cell movie.

Quick Plot: Sassy reporter Ji-won starts receiving mysteriously menacing messages on her second-hand cell phone, perhaps as a result of her recently published controversial story on sex offenders. Her sister and brother-in-law invite Ji-won to stay at their isolated country home but once there, the calls continue while the couple’s perfectly adorable daughter, Yeong-ju, becomes a bad seed fueled by a sudden lust for daddy.

Also, there’s lots of sudden shots of long-haired Asian females staring maniacally. 

Like many a Korean horror film made in the 21st century, Phone is a) a tad derivative b) occasionally creepy c) well-acted d) hard to see and e) too long. That being said, it does have a few tricks that make it worthwhile, some of which stems from the very concept of evil embodied by a cell phone.

Far more interesting, however, is Yeong-ju’s descent into wacked out kindergartner. Had anybody told me Phone featured a horny, scratching and screeching 6 year old, I of course would have made a place for it in February’s Month of the Vertically Challenged Villains but alas, this film hedged its marketing in its cellular premise. Yeong-ju’s outbursts are actually quite fun, an odd shifting seesaw between genuinely creepy and hilariously over the top. It helps immensely that one of the first scenes of the film features an extended conversation about how Ji-won’s sister has The Most Perfect Family Ever. By ten minutes in, we WANT daddy to turn to Jack Torrence, daughter to pull an Orphan and mother to drink it all away with a soju growler.

High Points

Phone doesn’t shy away from its Electra complex, something that’s not necessarily easy to watch but ultimately entertaining enough to justify its inappropriateness

Low Points

At about 100 minutes, Phone isn’t overly lengthy but considering the repetitive K-ghost scares and empty red herrings, the running length does harm the ultimate throughline of the story

Lessons Learned

No one commits suicide in an elevator

In death, your hair will grow to appropriate J-horror ghostess lengths

Tolstoy may have claimed that all happy families are alike, but clearly he never flew to Seoul and met The Perfect Family and its Possessed And Horny Daughter

Rent/Bury/Buy

Phone is streaming on Netflix, which is about the amount of effort you should put into seeing it. Diehard Asian horror fans will find a nice balance of the conventional genre with a few surprises, but overall, Phone isn’t really worth, you know, phoning home about.

That was bad, let me try again: don’t waste peak time minutes on Phone.

Okay. I can do better: Phone will receive good reception if--

Oh hell I got nothing. Can’t we just go back to tin cans and call it a day? Better yet, how about I just transfer you to New Korean Cinema's Blogathon, a great resource with several more days filled with Internet writing on all things Korean cinema (and most likely, far fewer cell phone puns).