The Poseidon Adventure is a masterpiece: a big, bawdy disaster flick with committed movie stars dressed to the nines navigating huge set pieces until they hear the sweet chords of 1972's Best Original Song. What more can you ask for?
Well, a sequel, apparently.
Quick Plot: Indebted tugboat captain Mike (Michael Caine, or as I know want to think of him, Mike Caine) is having a tough time navigating some stormy waters with a small cargo load. His second mate Wilbur (Karl Malden!) has picked up a clumsy but cute hitchhiker Celeste (Sally Field!!) right in time to discover the overturned remains of the SS Poseidon.
Mike is a practical man. Having lost some pricey containers, he knows the bank is about to take Jenny (yes, the boat's name is Jenny which is also Forrest Gump's boat's name which also starred Sally Field and who needs 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon now?). Mike and Wilbur decide to invoke their salvage rights to scour the Poseidon for some valuables, though they're soon joined by a shifty group of Greek medics who are hungry to save some lives. Considering their leader is Telly Savalas(!!!), it's as hard for Mike as it is for the audience to trust their good faith.
Once on board, the teams split up to search for their respective goals. Mike's group quickly gathers a few survivors: angry retired army sergeant dad Peter Boyle!!!! and his daughter, his daughter's handsome Iowan farmer savior (baby Mark Harmon*), a kindly and efficient nurse (Shirley Jones), a drunken Texas billionaire (Slim Pickens), and a middle-aged woman (Shirley Knight) who refuses to leave her blind husband (Jack Warden).
*My keyboard has run out of exclamation points.
As you suspect, Telly Savalas's crew have less-than-noble intentions, making Mike's gold-hungry hunting seem admirable by comparison. As Mike slowly warms to the idea of helping save lives, the other group finds what they were really looking for: crates of firearms and a batch of plutonium.
Oh, and did I mention THIS BOAT IS SINKING?
Like many sequels to huge hits, Beyond the Poseidon Adventure tries to cover its predecessor's greatest hits. Instead of a doubtful swimming record, we get different accounts of personal achievement in the long jump. A slippery ladder is contractually obligated to reappear. The oldest character makes a heroic sacrifice to save others. And so on.
Much in the vein of The Lost World to Jurassic Park, Beyond the Poseidon Adventure was commissioned to original novelist Paul Gallico as a book sequel to the film that differed from his book in order to provide the material for a film sequel. As one might expect, that kind of warped timeline doesn't necessarily yield the finest screenplay.
Irwin Allen, who had produced the first film, moved into the director's chair here. His touch is a few steps below Ronald Neame's, never quite capturing the sheer grandiosity of the disaster at hand. Instead of understanding just how terrifying being trapped in a capsized ship can be, we get axe murders and a shootout.
It was probably impossible to match the energy of The Poseidon Adventure. Ultimately, this film really does sit in the same, expected space as Home Alone 2 and Die Harder with the usual foibles of trying to recapture lightning in an expensive but leaking bottle. Still, the utter '70s of it has a certain charm that's hard to resist.
High Points
She's not given the best material, but by golly is Sally Field adorable in what could have been a very annoying role
Low Points
Even with a cast this stacked, the basic truth that these are people who LITERALLY boarded a sinking ship, so much of the actual horror seems a bit muted. The straggling survivors don't even seem to be THAT bothered by the fact that they've been trapped in the middle of the ocean for a full day
Lessons Learned
Never confuse an arms dealer with an impotent terrorist
Being trapped under a sinking luxury liner for a few hours gives one plenty of time to think about the future
Enormous boat disasters merit just one round of coast guard rescues
Advertising At Its Best
I recorded this movie off TCM, which occasionally sprinkles in some commercials for its various themed offshoots, including a Disney-sponsored luxury cruise liner with classic movie stars and screenings. I can't quantify just how much joy it brings me to inform you that this commercial airs before a movie about, you know, a luxury cruise liner sinking into disaster
Rent/Bury/Buy
Beyond the Poseidon Adventure is many, many decks below the perfection of The Poseidon Adventure. It's a bit shrill and very messy, but I can't say I wasn't entertained by the sheer bigness of it. Those curious probably won't be bored, so as long as you go in with low expectations, you'll likely have a good enough time.
